[NotDeadYet]

Kinda just a vent ngl

I just want to die at this point, theres no point in living or trying anymore, Im 22 yet I feel like Ive wasted my life already and why bother existing?

I hate my job and I cut at work often, I cant stand the sight of myself and I hate the fact that Im too much of a ***** to actually do anything

I know Ill never amount to anything, all my art looks like **** and I have zero will to do my hobbies. I regret taking this job cause it's just tanked my mental health.

And I know everyone hates me, they prolly wish I was dead too, why would they ever want someone as boring and uninteresting as me to be alive? Wasting space that someone better can fill.

I might kill myself over this, I really dont think it will get better.

[zapatoes]

Are you currently in counseling and do you have friends or family you can call for support. Hope things get better for you very soon.

[NotDeadYet]

Originally Posted by zapatoes

Are you currently in counseling and do you have friends or family you can call for support. Hope things get better for you very soon.

Ive never actually been to formal counseling and I dont want to bother my friends too much as they are also mentally ill/I dont want to burden them too much. And I dont trust my family enough to tell them anything either. I feel like its a waste of time anyway, i feel like theyd all be happier if I was dead

[zapatoes]

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Do you have hobbies you usually enjoy to help distract you. Do you have a structured routine such as a job to help keep you busy. Stay safe.

[karl7]

yeah you need to be in therapy....therapy can turn your life around....also depression passes, you will get better, i know first hand how tough depression can be but i got better and i know you will too, .....suicide is never the answer, it just destroys too many people, especially family.

[MickeyCheeky]

Please do not hurt yourself or anyone else. i'd strongly encourage you to consider therapy as it can help a lot and even be a Life-saver in some similar cases. Remember that you're a good person and deserve to live and do not forget to contact some Family members and friends as they likely would Love to do anything in their power to help. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @NotDeadYet, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Fuzzybear]

[WishIgotHelp]

In 2010 my sister tried to kill herself. She was depressed for a while, but i didn't notice anything. She would just listen to music and i could see tears in her eyes, but i didn't make a big deal out of it.
Than one day, after we had a big fight i noticed some changes in her. Her face was pale and she was kinda lost. The night came and i saw a letter in the room, it was her suicide letter, she had decided to take her life. She had apologized to my mother for taking her own life and was sad to put us into this tragedy.

reading this letter, i was shocked, it seemed that my consciousness moved to another place. Despite of this, i run quickly to the kitchen where the balcony and i saw the open window. My heart was racing and i couldn't feel myself. I was moving like a madman. I wasn't sure if my sister was alive and my heart was aching for what could have happend.

Suddenly i saw her, there she was, near the window. I remember how dark that night was. I had her letter in my hand, and she knew I was aware of what was happening.

We hugged each other and started crying. I asked her "for the love of god, please don't kill yourself"...we were both crying and things turned out for the better. She didn't kill herself. praise the god!

What followed next was absolute horror for me, i kept having this visions where i would see her dead, lying there in the floor. Everyday i was afraid that she is going to die or kill herself. I was having obsessive thoughts and my compulsions were starting to show up. Later, different type of fears started popping up in my mind, i was scared that if i ever hurt a women, she would kill herself. This gave my extreme problems later in life and i am still trying to heal.

[MickeyCheeky]

Originally Posted by WishIgotHelp

In 2010 my sister tried to kill herself. She was depressed for a while, but i didn't notice anything. She would just listen to music and i could see tears in her eyes, but i didn't make a big deal out of it.
Than one day, after we had a big fight i noticed some changes in her. Her face was pale and she was kinda lost. The night came and i saw a letter in the room, it was her suicide letter, she had decided to take her life. She had apologized to my mother for taking her own life and was sad to put us into this tragedy.

reading this letter, i was shocked, it seemed that my consciousness moved to another place. Despite of this, i run quickly to the kitchen where the balcony and i saw the open window. My heart was racing and i couldn't feel myself. I was moving like a madman. I wasn't sure if my sister was alive and my heart was aching for what could have happend.

Suddenly i saw her, there she was, near the window. I remember how dark that night was. I had her letter in my hand, and she knew I was aware of what was happening.

We hugged each other and started crying. I asked her "for the love of god, please don't kill yourself"...we were both crying and things turned out for the better. She didn't kill herself. praise the god!

What followed next was absolute horror for me, i kept having this visions where i would see her dead, lying there in the floor. Everyday i was afraid that she is going to die or kill herself. I was having obsessive thoughts and my compulsions were starting to show up. Later, different type of fears started popping up in my mind, i was scared that if i ever hurt a women, she would kill herself. This gave my extreme problems later in life and i am still trying to heal.

*God! So Sorry that this happened, but i am REALLY Happy that your sister managed to stay Alive. What about currently seeing a therapist to work on this? It must be terribly hard. Thank you so much for sharing this. Sending many Safe, Warm hugs to BOTH you, @WishIgotHelp, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[WishIgotHelp]

thank you so much for your kind words. I will share more of it

Originally Posted by NotDeadYet

Kinda just a vent ngl

I just want to die at this point, theres no point in living or trying anymore, Im 22 yet I feel like Ive wasted my life already and why bother existing?

I hate my job and I cut at work often, I cant stand the sight of myself and I hate the fact that Im too much of a ***** to actually do anything

I know Ill never amount to anything, all my art looks like **** and I have zero will to do my hobbies. I regret taking this job cause it's just tanked my mental health.

And I know everyone hates me, they prolly wish I was dead too, why would they ever want someone as boring and uninteresting as me to be alive? Wasting space that someone better can fill.

I might kill myself over this, I really dont think it will get better.

Things may seem dark right now, (and perhaps it has been so for a while). Many of us have been in your shoes and survived.

The best you can do is to tell your GP and get a reference to a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist. Tell what you have told here. There is a treatment that will work for you as it has done for us.

I wish you good luck in your try to find the right therapy for yourself.

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by zapatoes

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Do you have hobbies you usually enjoy to help distract you. Do you have a structured routine such as a job to help keep you busy. Stay safe.

If you read the OPs main post you'll see those two questions you asked are answered for you.

Stay strong @NotDeadYet, yes it's good to vent out your feelings. You may not be able to envisage things improving for you at present, but that's the funny thing about life, it can improve and in ways you might not even guess, if you just keep going.

Sending you good vibes, friend.

[WishIgotHelp]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

*God! So Sorry that this happened, but i am REALLY Happy that your sister managed to stay Alive. What about currently seeing a therapist to work on this? It must be terribly hard. Thank you so much for sharing this. Sending many Safe, Warm hugs to BOTH you, @WishIgotHelp, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thank you. Will share more of it:

So, that night I decided to tell my dad what was going on. I remember it was so dark that night and I had nowhere to turn to. So, i decided to tell my dad what was going on.

I thought that somehow he would help me or even share the worries with me, meanwhile the poor bastard reacted like a mad man, he started yelling at me, saying that me and my sister are destryoing his life.

I left at that moment, with tears in my eyes, not knowing what to do or where to go. I remember praying that dark night and hoping that things turn right.

My sister is still alive and i hope she is doing well. We are not very close anymore, but i wish her well.