I am all screwed up.

I am all screwed up. Since I took down the Christmas tree back in January, I have been on a downhill slide. I don't even know what to call it. Usually being depressed involves me feeling very unhappy and sad. I don't feel sad. I don't feel especially down, mentally. But something is really wrong with me. I just read and look at videos. I can't get the house straightened up. I'm in bed a l o t.

I guess this is a new kind of depression. In September, I got over the severe grief of losing my s.o. who died. That pain had lasted 3 and 1/2 months. During that period, I got hospitalized with depression twice, a week in June and a week in August. Then from mid-Sep until after Christmas, I was doing very well. I had made a goal of having a good Christmas, and I reached that goal.

But I'm a wreck now. I have had chronic pain issues for some years. I never found them disabling. Taking hydrocodone 2 or 3 times a day kept me going pretty well. I cooked. I gardened. But I feel increasingly too sore to cope with housework.

Since yesterday, I am overwhelmed with how sore I feel. I haven't gotten dressed in two days. I would give anything for a larger supply of hydrocodone. (I get 60 tabs per month.)

I don't know whether I'm depressed from being all sore and achy . . . or whether I'm achy from being depressed and immobile. I truly don't know which came first - the chicken or the egg. All I know is I'm in a bad mess. I'm not doing anything constructive about it. So that tells me a lot of my problem is mental. However I'm too sore to focus mentally.

I feel like I need help, but I don't know of anything that would help, except more pain medication. So I'm stuck.

I think my problem is allergies and possibly a sinus infection. Glands in my neck are tender. My eyes hurt.

Definitely get checked out to make sure it's not medical. You have been through a lot and dealing with chronic pain takes a toll on a person's mental health. Be kind to you and do what you can.

Are you in a position to have someone come in a do some housework to take a little off your plate? I don't know about you but the more things pile up the harder it is for me to get motivated to take care of them...it just seems so daunting.

Have you ever tried CBD or (I don't know if it's available in your state) medical marijuana? I know it is not for everyone but I know many people that have gotten relief through either or both of those. My hubby is one of them. He was on massive amounts of pain killers because of degenerative disc disease and several other conditions. When they had that overhaul a few years ago they cut his pain meds by 80% and basically said deal with it. He was also told and I quote "You are on disability, why do you need quality of life when you don't do anything? Just sleep all the time." He has gotten the same if not more pain relief from the weed than he did from the pills.

I wish I had some other ideas for you but my brain is a bit muzzy right now. I hope you have an upswing soon.

Thanks, Rain. Interesting suggestions. I'm appalled that medical professionals would talk like that to your husband. If you deal with healthcare long enough, you're bound to run into a jerk eventually. I know we did when my s.o. was very sick. I'm glad CBT is working for him.

Today my face hurts, especially around my eyeballs, and the lymph glands under my jaw are tender. My nose is very stuffy. I believe this is due to Juniper pollen which is at moderately high levels now. I may have a sinus infection, secondary to the nasal congestion. That would account for the face pain and general malaise. I'll go buy some Flonase tomorrow. If I don't improve soon, I'll call my provider. It was my sister, far away, who suggested the diagnosis. For some reason, "allergy" never occurred to me. I called her to discuss the possibility of it being COVID. "Allergy" fits my circumstances a lot better. I've taken an antihistamine, and I feel a bit better.

I do have other issues to deal with. For now, I'll take medications that I've used in the past - successfully - to control allergy symptoms. I've read that even sinusitis will usually clear up without antibiotics.

So I expect to feel better in a few days. By that time, I'll also have my hydrocodone refill. I just took the last tablet of that, which helped greatly the general achiness.

It helps so much to figure out what's wrong and to know it can be successfully treated.

Just checking in to see how you are doing?

Not so great lately. My chronic aches and pains got worse. I stopped trying to keep up with housework. I got demoralized that I feel this crummy physically and mentally.

So today I got some xrays of my neck and right arm. Plus I started back on Indocin. That's a prescription pain med that helps a lot. After I get my next vaccine shot next week, I'm ggoing to hire someone to help me with some household chores.

The isolation of following COVID precautions has gotten to me. I live alone now. I just alone too much of the time. In mid-May, I'll relax my precautions.

If my achiness doesn't simmer down, I'm going to ask for referral to a rheumatologist. I have to find ways to feel better. I'm getting too down and neglecting to much.

Thanks for asking. I've been increasingly depressed since New Year's.

I'm sorry you hurt so much but it is good that you are being proactive and trying to figure out ways to lessen it

I think it will be a really good thing to have someone come in and help. One they will help tidy the place but two you will have some company. I honestly think that just getting to be a little social would help a bit with the depression. At least for myself when I'm completely isolated for long periods mine seems worse but getting to see the occasional person helps.

Have you ever tried tart cherry juice? I know a couple people that swear by the stuff. They say it helps with certain aches and pains. Here's an article I found on it if you are interested: 10 Health Benefits of Tart Cherry Juice

I hope you get some answers and help so you can feel better

Thanks for the article. I had heard of cherries having anti-inflammatory properties. I will definitely get some cherries and look for cherry juice too. I have been eating blueberries past 2 days. I put epson salts in tub. I use ice on neck, arm and back. I bought tumeric capsules and take one 2 or 3 times a day. I have been reading about inflammation. A lot of study is being done on that topic. It seems to be my problem. The Indocin helped quite a bit yesterday, but I'm still sore. I don't think this could be called fibromyalgia because every sore spot that gets xrayed shows degenerative change. However it's not severe change.

Right now at almost 3 p.m., I'm just getting up to dress and do dishes. After breakfast earlier, I just fell asleep again. I'll try to do things now. I know some of this is depression. You're correct. The social isolation has gone on too long. Getting someone in to help could be good for me mentally also.

My boyfriend died May 31 of last year. I was okay over the holidays. My Christmas was very nice. I did have one friend come for dinner. Then I got blue after taking down the tree and other decorations. That happens every January. But I've stayed down since then, and recently I'm getting much worse. It's so discouraging. Spring is a nice time that I usually like. I'm in this house way too much.

I think of getting a dog. But I don't want to take on another big responsibility, when I'm not even handling the basics I have to do now. First I must get my home together and finish dealing with my boyfriend's affairs.

Next week I get 2nd vaccine shot. By mid-May I will feel protected from COVID. Then I will stop all this isolating and spend time around other people.

I get afraid now that I've gone too far downhill and won't be able to turn around this deterioration. I have to push against giving up.

Thanks for understanding how pain and isolation and depression can get to a person. I appreciate the encouragement. Yesterday I looked at pictures of my boyfriend and sobbed. That hadn't happened for awhile. So I am really worse than I had been. I have to stop neglecting everything, or I may get in a hole I can't get out of.