Depression(/anxiety) is causing me dread a trip

I have had a trip to visit one of my best friends planned for a while now. I am leaving in a day, but my depression and anxiety are causing me to dread going on the trip so much that now I am unsure if I am even excited to go... then this spirals into me getting angry with myself and feeling guilty for ruining something so fun for no good reason. And of course I am constantly overthinking every possible thing that could go wrong while traveling or just whole being generally away from home with new people! It also makes me have an overwhelming feeling of sadness when I begin to think about how past me would be thrilled to be going on this trip and wouldn’t even give a second thought to possibly having a hard/bad time... but now my life has somehow become me laying awake at night crying about how nervous I am to go on this trip because of how my mental health is bogging me down.
I don’t know what to do to get back to the feeling of genuinely looking forward to something without dreading the possibility of my mental health ruining it for me.
Any advice? Or similar past experiences?

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Hello & Welcome, Achung3.

I would hope for you that you find some way of completing the planned visit. Over time, depression strangled my life such that I long ago became socially isolated. May that not happen to you.

With that, I personally would not try to deny the reality of all your feelings and emotions. Employ whatever safe means and methods you have to minimize to stresses of travel and interacting with new people.

Does your friend have an idea of your situation? (Feel free to ignore the question.)

Wishing you the best whatever you do or don't do.

Thanks @Rohag ;for the warm welcome and advice from past experiences!
My friend is aware that I have been struggling with depression and anxiety but I have been trying to hide my uneasy feelings about this trip because I don’t want them to negatively affect her experience or our limited time together... however, this is just adding to the stress. I’m afraid that once I get there I will be unable to hide these challenging aspects of my everyday life. It’s just really hard for me to accept my struggles and work on them... instead I get frustrated or feel guilty or constantly blame myself for creating such problems in my head.
I have a particular fear of feeling nauseous or ill while traveling which usually triggers an anxiety attack due to spiraling thoughts of poor health and feeling trapped. So any tips on how to overcome these thoughts while traveling?

Thanks for the warm welcome and advice from your past experiences!
My friend does know I’m struggling with anxiety and depression but I have been hiding my overwhelming feelings about this trip because I don’t want to negatively affect our experiences with the weight of my mental health. I’m just so frustrated because I want to just enjoy traveling and seeing my friends like I used to.
I’m particularly nervous about feeling uncomfortable away from my home base, getting a trapped sensation while traveling, or becoming ill/nauseous. These things often trigger my anxiety attacks and they are also common occurring things while traveling so everything is just stressing me out right now about having to leave.
I wish I could be free of this constant weight and just have genuine fun again. It’s almost like I’m either too dull to care about enjoying literally anything in life, or too anxious to go out and enjoy life when I decide I want to.

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