Male 45 divorced living in Tokyo

Dear Friends,
I have as many problems as many of you, but I appreciate your advice. Of my many issues, the worse is not being able to be part of my children life. My ex does not allow me to contact them at all and I am so unhappy. And I feel so vulnerable and I am not as confident and strong as I was once.
I lost everything and I wonder I am 46 do you think is too late for me. Should I give up on life.

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Definitely not. Don't give up. I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. Not being able to talk to your loved ones is awful. It's never too late to live the life you want, though. Hang in there!

Thank you my friend I am trying my level best to become better.

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I want to survive and live without the guilt feeling that my kids are out there without me.

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So happy for your post my friend. Lifts my spirits a bit.

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That's good to hear.

Isn’t there a court system in Japan. Most of the time you can’t just keep kids away from a parent, although some try. Have you taken her to court to establish visitation schedule?

So Sorry for what you're going through! Please Do not give up! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about getting in court if you haven't already of course. Life without Family can be tough but if it is not possible to see your children at least try to Rebuild your Life. Please do not get that discouraged. You are stronger than you yourself think i think. Stay Safe. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @captaineo, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thank you Mickey, I am trying my best. Thank you so much for your kind words always echoes good in my spirits, Fuzzy, Bluekoi, Celistie and many of my sisters and brothers in this group. You mean a lot to me even if have not met, I feel I know you.
Many blessings

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@MickeyCheeky how can I deal with my situation I guess I feel my role as a father was stolen from me, and that I am not worth anything. So it affects me I am vulnerable to the slightest demeaning word.

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So Sorry! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i am not sure how much helpful advice i can give but i think it is important to acknowledge that you have value as a person outside of your father and husband role also. You have value as a human being so Please do not let anyone tell you otherwise. i think it may be a good idea to start working on your self-esteem though i realize it can be hard i suppose. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @captaineo, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

@MickeyCheeky: thank you so much for your kind words. You are right about my self-esteem it is under normal levels, very low… and it has been for several years now. And even though I can still dream and project a good future is all in my head and I cannot take action, one because I believe people like me do not deserve this chance, or whatever I do I will fail, so the self sabotage is there. I also have a couple but unfortunately she is not the person I need or better said I am not the right person for her, she gets angry easily if something is not in its place and with my anxiety issues I cannot handle it. She requires attention.
It was wrong of me to get involved knowing I have so many issues.

I have to fight and try to move forward with my life even with someone I do not love, because I still love my ex wife and my kids. And this is driving me mad.

Thank you so much MC, you know my issue since some years now so I appreciate so much your words they fill a void somehow and give me hope

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Just wishing all of you wonderful people all the best for 2022. Pray to God that we all manage to better our lives.

Thank you Mickey again for all your kindness

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Hello, Captaineo. How do things look now?

Hi Rohan, not good. Still having a terrible time as I worry about my kids.
And Japan still so close minded to foreigners even Today, I am accepting this prejudice issue is incurable

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I am sorry, Captaineo. I would imagine that even the local legal academy is firmly part of the cultural landscape there.

Rohag, it is a literal nightmare for divorced Fathers both foreigners and Japanese suffer. In my case on top of my condition

Hi all happy 2023, sorry for the late message. Still depressed but fighting my depression. Battle is not over.

I do miss my daughters so much,

Hi dear friends I am picking up on my same post some years later, hope you are still listening, I feel terrible these days and it’s not getting easy, I take meds and keep my diary, but the dynamics of my family asking me always for money is a problem for me. And they make me feel like a wallet, I have to pay them though because they take care of my sister who’s sick as well. How to live in some kind of happiness like this, appreciate any advice or some kind words dear friends. I still can’t see my kids and is just aweful feeling losing my role as father and my kids losing their father. Plus in a land not of my own I dunno what to do love you all hope you are also fighting a good fight

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Good to hear from you, Captaineo.
Of the two, which is the most helpful?
On the whole, do the meds help significantly? Do they help at the expense of thinking and focusing clearly on challenges?

Hi Rohag,
Thank you for your kind reply. Journal helps me more in organizing my thoughts, the meds are hard to stop because I will get panic and difficult to breathe.
You know my friend losing my wife and kids did really finally break me completely this was in 2014, but after this I have been battling for my life I have a new couple but is a complex person too and I doubt she will stick around.
Now I am 47 and I feel if I am losing or a loser can my friends give me some advice.
Love you all and big hugs

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Then, you need them.
Complexity has its...challenges. But complexity is possibly much better than other things. I wish you well.

I find myself in such a situation and at such an age that surviving has become much more important to me than winning or losing. But, may you - and all of us - exceed just surviving.

Thank you, my friend. I really hope we can have more balance in life. Not all can be suffering, we should have our climbings, moving through scorching deserts, and we should be able to reach an oasis every now and then. Life is never been a straight line. I like to think that you and the rest of us part of our mission in life is to support one another. Throughout the years in Taptalk, I have met wonderful people like you and through your words, I have managed to continue on. Blessings, lots of love and hug, BTW, the reason I always end my messages like this is because you never know. if and when I can say this again. So million hugs and hope the light shines on all of you at least for a while or enough for making life a bit easier to cope.

Thank you Rohag, your words are like music or fresh water. I am fighting everyday, start the day thinking about not best of things too put it moderately sir but is tough sir. Something inside, I wouldnt mind joining the military and put myself in one of those dangeous jobs '(not doing harm to anyone) but rather saving lives. I want my life to have some final purpose

Dear Friends, just checking in and reaching out. Theses days have been rough and I find myself thinking again too much, I had a drink of alcohol and this because it was the birthday of my daughter and could not see her in 7 years. I am so broken inside and I wanted to ask you , kind people for some lines of wisdom and encouragement. I am lost.
God bless you where ever you are and find yourself.
Best regards,
Eladio

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I can only share the wisdom I have gained over many years of parental alienation and finally estrangement from my adult daughter.

-The pain & sense of loss never really goes completely away, it only becomes more manageable or more easily suppressed when you fill your life with other things. Replacing the hurt & pain with positive things like a social life or the hobbies/passions that you love and occupy your mind and soul.

-Holidays and harvest time of the year are always tough to get thru if you're lonely, best to surround yourself with positive people if you can.

-Alchohol is a depressant, not the best thing to add to your system if you are already depressed.

-Take the time to really look at your statement "broken inside", things like this leave emotional scars so deep you may feel broken, but eventually you will realize the scar is a badge of courage.

I don't know how you can be kept from your child for 7 years, as a father you have legal rights to be part of your child's life through court ordered visitation. I'm unaware of how you are denied this, unless there is something you have not revealed about your legal situation.

Hello, Captaineo.
Here's to your daughter!
Here's to you!