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Deilla
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Default Oct 05, 2021 at 09:57 AM
  #201
I feel stressed this morning. I don't think I got enough sleep. I have lots I have to do today. I would take a nap now but I'm waiting on a delivery.

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Default Oct 05, 2021 at 10:35 AM
  #202
I really hate everything about myself.
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Default Oct 05, 2021 at 10:17 PM
  #203
My most recent project has three ratings on Amazon, one five-star in two four-star. So that's good I guess.
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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 10:36 AM
  #204
I wish I could get me some energy.

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Deilla
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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 10:40 AM
  #205
I just found out what my co-pay will be for a carpal tunnel release and I don't have any way to pay for it. I really need the surgery but it's not possible. I guess I will keep getting injections. I feel terribly disappointed and defeated.

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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 11:04 AM
  #206
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3rd rock View Post
My most recent project has three ratings on Amazon, one five-star in two four-star. So that's good I guess.
That sounds very good to me.
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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 12:47 PM
  #207
Finally, I seem to be trending up while still having ups and downs the addition of a second generation antipsychotic and TMS seem to be helping. I'm daring to feel a bit more hopeful.

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Default Oct 07, 2021 at 10:39 AM
  #208
My friend and I had an upsetting phone call last night. He had told some people at his house yesterday that I'm lonely, depressed and want to kill myself. I asked him why did he ever bring that up while talking to others. He couldn't answer me and hung up. So we're going to split up. And, the way, I am not thinking of ending it all and never have.

I don't understand it. I was being nice and generous to him yesterday because I went to pick him up at his house and bring him over to my place. The reason for it is because his wife was hosting a bridge party with her friends. I went out of my way for him because he had no place to go with having a bad back from a fall he had a couple of weeks ago. Also his eyesight is not good.

I try to be so nice and helpful to people and this is the thanks I get. I guess I'll just remain lonely because there are no good people around anymore. It seems like people are just takers and not givers.
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Default Oct 08, 2021 at 07:15 AM
  #209
I'm thinking this morning about the sad state of my friendships. I want to go hiking today but can't even think of anyone who might want to come. I often hike alone and enjoy it but it would be nice to know someone nearby who also liked to hike.
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Default Oct 08, 2021 at 11:37 AM
  #210
I've fulfilled some important goals lately. Many more I still need to do. I'm hoping I can accomplish more today.

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Deilla
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Default Oct 08, 2021 at 02:37 PM
  #211
I feel somewhat okay at the moment. I was sad this morning. I felt very alone. I no longer have a therapist. I have tried looking for a new one and no one's accepting new patients. So I am journaling, posting here, playing games and doing chores. Later I will meditate.

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Default Oct 09, 2021 at 04:34 PM
  #212
I’m honestly not having the post op depression like I thought I would. I read somewhere that the more surgeries you have the easier the recovery is. So I’ve had 3 in less then a year and I’m not feeling the severe depression I felt the first and second time. Some days this past week were better then others though. I did feel a bit down in the dumps about my sisters behavior towards me. Then that caused some issues. But those issues were more stress and food related then depression related.

But no I don’t feel like my personality was changed at least not in a bad way, and I’m not in severe pain that would contribute to depression. This has all been pretty surprising.

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Frown Oct 09, 2021 at 04:38 PM
  #213
I been feeling really depressed lately especially today. Everything that I had done today has been wrong. I feel like I need three scoop of ice cream with lots of hot fudge and Carmal and candy on top with the kind of day I had.

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Oct 09, 2021 at 04:40 PM
  #214
At home and watching my son. I cannot stop stressing about work.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 01:34 PM
  #215
It's just hard to be in this depressed state. Nothing seems to matter; even some of the things that used to bring me enjoyment - like spending time with family and friends - is no longer fulfilling. This is such a conundrum to me because I know what it takes to get out of this depression - I just don't have the energy to do any of what it takes. I do sincerely wish all of you well in your personal struggle with this invisible monster.
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 01:44 PM
  #216
Stress and anxiety: 10/10
Depression: 6/10
Confidence: 2/10
Ability to see a positive future: 0/10
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Deilla
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Default Oct 11, 2021 at 02:50 PM
  #217
I finally found a therapist. I asked my med provider. I have an appointment this Wednesday. I am so pleased.

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Default Oct 12, 2021 at 08:41 AM
  #218
Getting ready to make my morning tea and put together some plans or intentions for the day. I found an essential oil for letting go, and am experimenting with it. I've never really tried aromatherapy, I'm willing to see if it helps. I want to read some books and maybe do some artwork. My mood isn't in the best place, but I'm thankful I was able to sleep, and maybe it can be a good day.
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Default Oct 12, 2021 at 11:30 AM
  #219
What makes matters worse with depression is to have what I feel is no purpose in life. Depression is an evil companion, and I wish all of you the best in your struggle.
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Default Oct 12, 2021 at 10:09 PM
  #220
I did a...I will call it a ritual where I just made a simple list of beliefs, habits, and ideas that no longer serve me, spoke them out loud, and then ripped up the pieces of paper. I did this again with people I needed to forgive and let go of. This did bring me some peace. I want to start over with a clean slate.

Sometimes when we are walking down a path, we feel we are leaving something behind. And we are. But there's also a path ahead of us...and there's a lot down the path that we haven't experienced yet. So despite leaving something behind, you are also on the journey to something new.

That is where my thoughts are tonight.
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