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NonFiction
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NonFiction As if anyone cares...
 
Member Since: Jan 2021
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Trig Nov 10, 2021 at 06:40 PM
  #1
This might sound ridiculous but it is the truth - I am terrified of being "average".

The idea that I was conceived, built, grown and launched into this world to be nothing more than “average" scares the life out of me.

Randomly throughout the day I have these mild to moderate panic attacks about what I have or have not achieved. This especially happens at night, when my brain takes inventory of the day and what happened (or didn't).


Am I smart enough?
Am I strong enough?
Am I masculine enough?
Am I sexy enough?
Have I achieved anything above average?


If all I am ever going to be is "average", then what is the purpose of living and dealing with all life's BS?


I don't know how to accept living with all the trauma of sexual and physical abuse, PTSD, depression, Autism, IBS, and everything else that's wrong with me while slaving away for some crappy employer and taking antidepressants like Halloween candy so that at the end of my life I might be AVERAGE?!


A simple cost-benefit analysis tells me I ought to just cut my losses and kill myself.

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Current Diagnoses: Autism, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder/Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Former: Epilepsy, Apraxia.

Current Rx/day: 200mg Zoloft/Sertraline, 100mg TraZadone, 0.5mg Zanax, 0.5mg Rexaulti, 0.5mg Abilify, 150mg Pinaverium Bromide.
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Default Nov 11, 2021 at 01:54 AM
  #2
I don’t know “average” is very relative. Sometimes it helps to keep asking why, why is so bad to be average, what will happen if you’re average, how do you know you’re average, how do you define “average.” If you look at statistics, then you know average is the mean or it is in the middle of a line or list of values (my wording may be slightly off). In my opinion if you have history PTSD and trauma then surviving and doing well with maintaining a job is well above average.

Good luck and don’t be so hard on yourself!!!

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Default Nov 16, 2021 at 11:31 AM
  #3
You’re not gonna ever be average. It’s not possible. You’re unique. And your goal is to discover in which you are unique and feel warmth under this skin.
And you won’t need anybody told you it. Because you will see yourself important. Especially, important for yourself.

Now, you’re trying to compensate something. So, you feel the need to try to show something else. Why? I wonder.

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Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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