Beach and body issues

First time I've been to the beach in ages after I lost ten kilos. I still have 16kg to go. I just feel like no matter how big or small I am I'm never happy with my body. I just wish I could be happy with how I look regardless of weight. I'm getting my Pfizer vaccine after months of my doctor saying I shouldn't as I have a risk coz of my weight. Well I dunno it seems like I have more of a risk if I get covid because like I am a larger woman. I mean after the ten kilo weight lost I have been able to move anymore weight. Sometimes I think there's no point of this because I've been fat and skinny my whole life. I just go through periods of depression and overeating or I've been the other way. I just think all this appearance stuff but if I could be happy for once and not struggle so much with my image. However I think my issue is I'm a perfectionist. It's like who do I want to be perfect for so that guys can think I'm pretty does it matter if I don't think I'm pretty? Anyway, I'm sorry for the sermon I'm just tired of the losing and gaining weight game. I just want to feel and be healthy more than look like a model.

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Originally Posted by black-roses First time I've been to the beach in ages after I lost ten kilos. I still have 16kg to go. I just feel like no matter how big or small I am I'm never happy with my body. I just wish I could be happy with how I look regardless of weight. I'm getting my Pfizer vaccine after months of my doctor saying I shouldn't as I have a risk coz of my weight. Well I dunno it seems like I have more of a risk if I get covid because like I am a larger woman. I mean after the ten kilo weight lost I have been able to move anymore weight. Sometimes I think there's no point of this because I've been fat and skinny my whole life. I just go through periods of depression and overeating or I've been the other way. I just think all this appearance stuff but if I could be happy for once and not struggle so much with my image. However I think my issue is I'm a perfectionist. It's like who do I want to be perfect for so that guys can think I'm pretty does it matter if I don't think I'm pretty? Anyway, I'm sorry for the sermon I'm just tired of the losing and gaining weight game. I just want to feel and be healthy more than look like a model.

No offense but your doc makes no sense. I have never heard of that excuse before.

I thought it didn't make sense. My mum got frustrated because she knows I have the tendency to obsess about things. She says to me that she thinks sometimes something up with the doctor. Like I don't know I just find it weird that he's like worried I mean I'm pretty healthy. Like the weight gain was medication if anything I'm more frustrated that instead of treating the root cause of my illness, lack of support from the mental health people and just blaming my family for my issues. Like how does he expect me to overcome my PTSD which is the root cause of my insomnia, if no one helps me. Also 10 sessions is f all for what I have going on. Like there neglecting me like those assholes neglected and failed my family. They mistreated my mum too. I just so sick of the labels because it literally did nothing for me, like the BPD label ment no one took me seriously. Just you'd think people would be reasonable or compassionate but I havent seen any level of compassion or reasonableness from these professionals apart from like drug me. Not to mention that organisation in Rockingham failed my sister too they made her get off all her meds when she's bipolar. I mean, all this time I thought I was difficult but they truly didn't do that much for me..I'm still fighting for adequate care in a country that doesn't understand how trauma impacts every aspect of your life. So if I'm depressed and angry, I'm not exactly insane. Like it's not that terminal illness it's just mental illness and honestly drugging me didn't cure the PTSD, ocd it just gave me high cholesterol and made me gain 27kg. So really I'm frustrated