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Old 12-30-2021, 12:59 PM   #1
Breaking Dawn
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Every day I try so hard. Thank goodness we have each other. Sometimes I'm here but I'm not here. I'm pretty sure that some of you know what that means. Will you please talk to me about your feelings!? We are alive, aren't we? Just say something.
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Old 12-30-2021, 01:12 PM   #2
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Alive, but not the best I wish I could be.
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Old 12-30-2021, 01:23 PM   #3
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Default Re: This thing is a big hurt, isn't it?

Sorry to hear youíre not feeling so great. Iím feeling worried about the future, but also have some optimism when it comes to more personal things going on in my life.
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Old 12-30-2021, 01:25 PM   #4
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Quote:
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Alive, but not the best I wish I could be.
@pachyderm, I kind of know what you mean. Although, I think we need to keep trying?
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Old 12-30-2021, 01:29 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
Sorry to hear youíre not feeling so great. Iím feeling worried about the future, but also have some optimism when it comes to more personal things going on in my life.
Thank you, @RoxanneToto!
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Old 12-30-2021, 04:56 PM   #6
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Default Re: This thing is a big hurt, isn't it?

Yes, we are alive and we have each other on hereó which means more than it sometimes feels like it doesÖ even though Iím feeling somewhat depressed, Iím also very optimistic and excited for the new year and my new ventures. I donít know how it is possible to feel depressed and optimistic at the same time, but thatís how I feel. I hope you have a wonderful New Year and may 2022 be everything you hope for and more This thing is a big hurt, isn't it?

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Old 12-30-2021, 05:25 PM   #7
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Default Re: This thing is a big hurt, isn't it?

This thing is a big hurt.

Nice title when I think about it. This 'thing'. This 'life' upon this 'earth' within this 'city' within this 'State' within this 'Country'.

Nice title.

I had a family. It wasn't a big one. Only had me, my mom, my uncles and aunts and their children. My grandmother passed away in my mom's home while I was living in a group home near by due to my 'getting kicked out' because of my religious fanaticism. My mom understood how much He meant to me but when she wasn't willing to give what she knew meant alot to me a chance to listen about, and the more she allowed me to not know this, the more I spoke and the more she had that irritation build up within her. One day, she had enough, I had enough and I was 'kicked out'. But not on the streets, but rather to a place she thought I could be around like minded persons. And so she purchased/donated a spot for me in a faith-based rehab program. A place where like minded believers facing trouble in 'this' world could go and be around other like minded believers. And so I really thought it was a good idea myself. But when getting there, it was nothing but the same. Their hopes on how to get better within 'this' thing they were within. And so I started to learn. I started to learn how an individual is only worthy something to self and maybe even family, small or large, when they can be something or someone they can live with and by being someone their 'loved' ones can live with/tolerate. Within 'this' thing, the 'thing' which separated friends and family was 'that' thing. 'This' world with 'that and this' thing required to be accepted. And so when I began hearing how 'their' faith was directed to how they wanted 'their' Goodness in 'this' thing, I started to learn that God was about 'this' thing; 'this' State, 'this' Country, 'this' city, 'these' needs and opportunities and 'these' inabilities. But it had nothing to do with 'Them'. It had everything to do with 'these' and 'this' and 'that' and 'those' but nothing to do with 'Them'. And so slowly I began to see life differently. Not with 'this' or 'that' or 'these' or 'those' but of 'this' and 'that' and 'these' and 'those' that innocent little children have no choice to either be within or not. Little ones having no choices to 'their' own 'things'... And so as they grow up, they will also have to live within 'these' and 'those' and 'this' and 'that' thing which causes so much hurt. And to me this was just not fair. This had nothing to do with 'Them' in any way except to have the recycling of 'hurts' be maybe forever and in each generation until the end of time. So while being kicked out of the home, I was learning that 'family' is not about 'these' or 'those' or 'this' or 'that'. That 'family' had nothing to do with 'these' except IF 'they' chose to be and if 'they' chose to teach the same. But 'family' had nothing to do with 'this' or 'that' or 'pain' or 'hurts' from day one. This and that and these and those did but 'family' was not a this or a that or a these or a those. It was real life, it was real blood, it was real together. All those other 'things' were about 'other' lives and about 'their' needs... and as family being around all these 'others' with 'their' needs, family learns to have 'those' needs of 'theirs' become needed in 'family'..

And so from this more pain and more separation from family occurred to the point of being family-less due to 'this' thing which causes so much hurt.

Last edited by FooZe; 01-03-2022 at 02:06 AM.. Reason: Administrative edit to bring within guidelines
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Old 12-30-2021, 05:28 PM   #8
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Default Re: This thing is a big hurt, isn't it?

Just look at every 'moderate moderation'. Some 'thing' which is 'needed' maybe not by any but only to 'those' that find 'this' a 'needful' 'thing'.
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Old 12-30-2021, 07:22 PM   #9
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Unhappy Re: This thing is a big hurt, isn't it?

I strained the muscles in my low back while shoveling snow a few days ago. (Low back problems have been a perennial challenge for me.) And while I'm struggling to recover from one of these strains, I always find my levels of generalized fear and paranoia increase. Plus several people my spouse knows have developed serious medical problems recently (not Covid related... old-age kinds of stuff.) So it feels sort-of like trouble is swirling all around us (not to mention all of the violent crime that seems to be rampant recently where we live.) It's all making me wonder how soon it will be before our number comes up and to want to withdraw even deeper into my own "little" world. I wish I could be more positive. But that's the way it is now.
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Old 12-30-2021, 09:22 PM   #10
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Heart Re: This thing is a big hurt, isn't it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
Every day I try so hard. Thank goodness we have each other. Sometimes I'm here but I'm not here. I'm pretty sure that some of you know what that means. Will you please talk to me about your feelings!? We are alive, aren't we? Just say something.


@Breaking Dawn - oh, my dear friend, yes, we are all still here and very alive.

((((safe hugs))))

When was the last time you were outside for a walk? Or safe and masked and social distanced outside with someone else who was fully vaccinated and masked and social distanced outside?

When was the last time you zoomed or facetimed or video chatted with someone so that you could see a human face on your screen?

Such social interactions are necessary so you don't fall into the kind of psychotic break that many prison and jail inmates in seclusion cells have to deal with. It kind of sounds like that is what you're going through. I think there's also elderly people who go through that when they are left alone for hours at a time and confined to their rooms day in and day out, with no one to even take them for a stroll in their wheelchair or bed outside, while in a nursing/rest home. It's sad because many elderly are also experiencing psychotic breaks from their nursing home experiences during this ongoing pandemic. I wish I could be one of the brave ones and visit them, since I'm super careful and fully vaccinated and masked, more so than the 60% or more of the workers who remain unvaccinated in our state and in nursing home areas because they were able to get a (fake) excuse to remain unvaccinated while wearing the thinnest mask possible for their jobs. I feel so bad for them, too.

But back to you, Breaking Dawn. I know you've been struggling a lot lately. I've read some of your posts and tried to keep up with the newer posts from as many people that I've gotten to know. And thank you for encouraging me to come to this forum. I will forever be grateful for that.

I just hope you are okay, and I hope you know you can always private message me. (((safe hugs)))

If it's not isolation, then it could be this overall pandemic and other stressors building on top of one another. Prolonged stress wears us down - both physically and mentally. It's no wonder that this world is all experiencing higher levels of stress each and every year we have to deal with these things. This is when finding a mental health specialist is important - even one that you can see for a short while, if you can afford it. Some people can only afford once or twice a month, so they find a T who can accept them for that. Some people can find a T who does a sliding scale and who can see them weekly. I hope you can find a T to help you, if you don't already have one.

Hang in there.

Also, there are many crisis lines, hotlines, and warm lines you can call to help you find some comfort. If you would like I can post them here or in a private message for you??

(((safe hugs)))

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Old 12-30-2021, 09:26 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
I strained the muscles in my low back while shoveling snow a few days ago. (Low back problems have been a perennial challenge for me.) And while I'm struggling to recover from one of these strains, I always find my levels of generalized fear and paranoia increase. Plus several people my spouse knows have developed serious medical problems recently (not Covid related... old-age kinds of stuff.) So it feels sort-of like trouble is swirling all around us (not to mention all of the violent crime that seems to be rampant recently where we live.) It's all making me wonder how soon it will be before our number comes up and to want to withdraw even deeper into my own "little" world. I wish I could be more positive. But that's the way it is now.
I'm only in my late-40s, but I struggle with transitional issues from middle-age to old(er) age, and I, too, am worried about the aging stuff and when it would be my "time." I hope for all our sakes that we are around longer.

(((safe hugs)))

I'm sorry to hear you hurt your back. My 86 y/o mom did, too. Her doc told her that she just has a pinched nerve in hers though, but she has to take the stairs in order to shower twice or three times a week, though there is a bathroom (without a shower) for her to use downstairs, where her room is. Others in the household carry her laundry upstairs for her, but she insists on doing her own laundry. I worry about her because she can overestimate how strong she is sometimes, and she is eager to help all the time. She has two great grandchildren in the home, who can't be vaccinated yet, and their parents remain unvaccinated. The others in the home might be vaccinated, but they might not be boosted. I worry about her for that.

I hope you feel better, and I hope your spouse feels better, too.
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Old 12-30-2021, 09:44 PM   #12
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MASSIVE and genuine hugs for anyone who's feeling on the down-side of things, lately. It's been a really trying time, hasn't it, these last two years?

I'm experiencing a tough couple of days, myself. I got through Christmas alright, but the New Year is presenting more of a challenge. I'm apprehensive, and I feel very unsupported in my personal life. I am so tired of being just so strong for everyone else, and getting so little back. I kind of want to run down the street screaming. But all that would do would be to cement the opinion of many neighbours that I am indeed "The Crazy Lady".

Hugs, and understanding, and sympathy.
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Old 12-30-2021, 11:34 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by indigo1015 View Post
Yes, we are alive and we have each other on hereó which means more than it sometimes feels like it doesÖ even though Iím feeling somewhat depressed, Iím also very optimistic and excited for the new year and my new ventures. I donít know how it is possible to feel depressed and optimistic at the same time, but thatís how I feel. I hope you have a wonderful New Year and may 2022 be everything you hope for and more This thing is a big hurt, isn't it?

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You have no idea how much you have helped me. Thank you!
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Old 12-31-2021, 12:03 AM   #14
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You have no idea how much you have helped me. Thank you!

Anytime This thing is a big hurt, isn't it?

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Old 12-31-2021, 04:53 AM   #15
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Dear @SprinkL3, Thank you so very much for your very kind & caring reply! I don't fall into any of those categories, but I am isolating, by choice. I yearn for the day when it feels safe to go to the movies. Can any of you relate to that?
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Old 12-31-2021, 06:30 AM   #16
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Default Re: This thing is a big hurt, isn't it?

I miss restaurants, movie theaters, coffeeshops, plays, festivals, carnivals, and more. I can so relate to that. I am isolating until this is all over, and I think it will eventually be over. It will just take more scientific findings beforehand.
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Old 12-31-2021, 08:06 AM   #17
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Life itself is not complex
but we people are complex,
we complicate our lives
and that is where the problems start.

Keep well Dawn and I sincerely hope the future improves. For each and every one of us.
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Old 12-31-2021, 08:20 AM   #18
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Dear @SprinkL3, Thank you so very much for your very kind & caring reply! I don't fall into any of those categories, but I am isolating, by choice. I yearn for the day when it feels safe to go to the movies. Can any of you relate to that?

Yes!!!
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Old 01-06-2022, 05:58 PM   #19
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Quote:
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Life itself is not complex
but we people are complex,
we complicate our lives
and that is where the problems start.
good post

oh sorry, yeah. I didn't say anything. I prefer images sometimes, like the pictures I post
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Old 01-06-2022, 07:31 PM   #20
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Thank you, everyone! This is such a good place!
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