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Rose76
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Rose76 Treading water.
 
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Default Jun 30, 2022 at 01:08 AM
  #1
I recently was very sick for over a month. During that time, I got admitted to the hospital twice, so this was no joke. (A severe intestinal infection.) Two people that I normally have a lot of contact with let me down.

A friend of mine lives about 2 miles away. She phones me a lot, and likes to talk a lot. When I was very sick at home, she never once asked if I needed anything from the store. Just before I got sick, I had picked up stuff for her. I can't say I was shocked. She's not one to go out of her way for anyone, but always asks others for favors. When she was without a vehicle, I used to drive her to the supermarket every weekend . . . for months.

Lately, when she calls, she looks for something to argue about. On her last call, she got really out of line. She delivered an insult that was uncalled for. She accused me of committing fraud to get something I had gotten. That was totally untrue. Usually I don't take the bait because I know she likes to be provocative. This time I calmly told her off. Since then, I decided to block her phone number.

Years ago, I had decided to just accept her as she was. I knew she argued with everyone all the time. I just let stuff go by. Then she was such a poor friend when I was very sick. Then the phone arguments escalated. I just don't want to deal with her anymore.

The other disappointment was one of my sisters who lives way far away. She also used to call a lot and liked to talk for hours. While I was real sick, I heard almost nothing from her. Finally I called her. She cut the call short saying she was tired. Many a night she has kept me up late on the phone, especially if she was drinking. So I've given up trying to connect with her. I even stopped following her family on FaceBook. She has an adult daughter I felt kind of close to. Once I wired thus niece money for a fine so she wouldn't have to go to jail. This niece never even sent me a Facebook "Get Well" message, while I was real sick and in the hospital. So I'm giving up on the whole family.

My problem is I have gotten pretty depressed. Some of it, I think, is grief over feeling like I've lost these friendships. Then I tell myself that, when the chips were down, they proved to not offer much in the line of caring. Still, I feel sad. I hadn't realized they cared so little.

Last week, my neighbor called and invited me over. I thought she was wanting to ask how my recovery was going. Once I went in and sat down with her, she launched into a lengthy discourse about her health problems. It's old stuff I've heard about before. She knew I had been taken away by ambulance and never even said, "So how are *you* feeling?"

Somehow, I managed to attract into my life persons who are very self-absorbed. I don't want to be used like that - hearing from people who contact me when they feel the urge to seek out a truckload of attention, but can't reciprocate. Yet, I feel sad about giving up on them.

In the past, there were times when I had an extra good income. I was generous with money with all these individuals. They all seemed to have pressing material needs. I gave my sister thousands. I always knew you can't buy love. I'm just kind of shocked at how no one remembers enough to just be a little bit decent when I'ld like to be thought of.

I guess I'll be sad for a while and eventually . . . . . . . just get over it.

I must admit: Two other people have been very thoughtful. It's not all black.
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Rose76
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Rose76 Treading water.
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: USA
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Default Jun 30, 2022 at 02:25 AM
  #2
My immediate problem is that I'm staying in bed too much. When I'm not in bed, I'm in my recliner. After recovering, I started catching up on housework. I tackled a mountain of laundry and got it all done. Now, in this current episode of depression, I don't even wash a dish. My apartment is messy, which makes me feel worse. If I would just get up tomorrow and start tidying the place, I would soon feel much better. I tell myself that each night. Then morning comes, and I stay in bed. All I want to do is read and eat.

I don't want tomorrow to be like today. Maybe, if I get some encouragement on this thread, I can act different tomorrow: start with the dishes, get out of my nightgown into some daytime clothes . . . go outside and refill my bird feeders. I love seeing the birds just outside my bedroom and kitchen windows.

Once I get started, I usually surprise myself with how much I get done. It's making that first stretch to climb out of the rut that is so hard. My health has been restored. I don't feel sick. If I could just get okay mentally tomorrow morning. I know I would feel better.

I wish there was a 12 step program for chronic depressives . . . like how alcoholics have AA. I would go to a meeting every day. Non-depressives don't know how it is to be in this quicksand. Everyone has been in it on occasion. That's nothing like chronically recurring depression. People like to say, "You do this to yourself. I could get depressed about plenty of things, but I don't let myself." That's the stigma - that you choose to be down in the dumps. So you learn not to share how you feel. I haven't even brushed my teeth in two days.
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