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Old 07-20-2022, 08:51 PM   #1
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Member Since: Jul 2022
Location: Usa
Posts: 4
Trig Suicidal / hopeless

I recently posted my problems prior
Long story short , unemployed ,trapped and dont have an escape out ,currently living with my toxic inlaws and my husband is in another country
Iíve lost all hope of getting out
I tried scrolling my contact list to see if I could talk to anyone
I couldnít think of anyone , Im 28 and constantly hve to ask for stuff ,Iíve lived alone for 9 years had an amazing life and always had independence.
I have an important exam to get my life togethee and i cant take it , i cant study, i dont feel free
Im losing hope
Im treated like a child and if i say anything i just feel like it would be taken the wrong way

Im stuck in a foreign country with no people
I wanna hold on to hope but theres no way out .
I wanna book a ticket to my country and call them out for all the opression they gave me
But my parents are going through their own struggles and life there isnt easy either
Apart of me wants to leave my husband even though heís amazing but just to show his family that NO ONE CAN LIVE THROUGH THEIR TOXICITY , everyday itís getting worse and worse . His dad doesnt want me to leave to my husband until im done with my medical license ( WHO THE **** IS HE ) hes a well off man and at the start was very giving And promised my parents until we settled heíll support us financially
Since we moved here he hsnt given me a cent and if I need anything i need to ask his wife ( its the most demeaning ****ing thing ever )
I wanna hurt myself
Im stuck in my room frustrated
I dont have money
I tried looking for something remote , I cant find anything or have the energy to apply , im nothing in usa with no usa credentials
Ive tried looking it has to be remote or the inlaws wil have some **** to say
I dont have my drivers. license , im 28 and so ****ing dependent
I dont want to use their car to learn to drive incase i damage it
His mom thinks she hs a say in every action I do and needs to approve who i talk too and what i do , ive come to avoid her at all costs
She constantly comes to my room to flaunt all her new clothes she buys and says ill take u to ďvisitĒ the shops , whenever i wanna buy something its with HER and sheís constantly over my shoulder looking at the price and watching what i take and making comments or facial expressions.
Do you know how demeaning that is so I decided never to ask or buy Nytjing with her
I rather suffer with nothing than allow some woman to take away my privacy or give her a right she doesnt have
She recently made a comment of what i can or cant wear , im trying very hard to keep the peace for the sake of my husband
But every prt of me wants to go up to her and get in her face and show her where her place is , SHE WILL NEVER ****ING DICTATE WHAT I CAN AND CANT DO
I am losing my mind
Sheís also the kind of woman who will hold a grudge for years Nd is not understanding to anyones needs but her own , its all about her her her

I will never be their child
I tried speaking to my husband , i cry almost everyday we speak on the phone
He hears me
He understands me
He feels me
His dad cut him out , hes out trying to finish his education and get monet to support us

But i dont think he knows how bad it is for me , i dont think he knows how I hate his family
i dont think he knows im in despair
I dont think he knows my patience is thin
I dont think he knows that im losing my mind
I dnw what else to tell him that I dont have the strength
I dont see a way out

Sometimes i feel like itís pointless to talk , no one can give me a way out
Complaining makes the reality sink in more and doesnt help
I dont even know why im writing this
But anyway thats my story

P.s I really dont wanna hurt myself But right now that feels like the only thing thatíll ease my pain
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Old 07-21-2022, 05:01 PM   #2
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Default Re: Suicidal / hopeless

I'm so sorry things are so hard right now. HUGS Kit
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