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Humpty Dumpty
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#1
Growing up with depression I was told I had to have a reason to be sad. Now that I'm an adult not much has changed. "Why are you depressed?" "You must have had a trigger."
Yes I do have some triggers but most of the time it isn't because of a trigger. No one seems to get that. That's one reason I gave up on therapy. Everyone seems to think I need to figure out what my triggers are. Is waking up a trigger? There are times when I wake up depressed. __________________ It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. |
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#2
I felt the same. If someone had cared enough to ask why I was sad I would not have been able to give a reason. And like you, I used to wake up depressed. Through the years I've learned how to manage it pretty much tho at times not so much. Oh, I have plenty of reasons and triggers...learned along the way of course. In fact I'm in my 60s now and been in treatment over 30 years and still get epiphanies now and then. I call it getting to know myself, because most of my life I had to pretend to be OK when I wasn't.
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#3
Thanks for posting this thought-provoking thread. I don't know if I'm generally depressed in the technical sense. I guess I perhaps have flashes of true depression that come-&-go. But I'm profoundly sad 24/7/365.
I'm painfully aware of my triggers. Some revolve around the fact I have no idea how or why my life went so wrong, or what caused it to go off the rails to begin with. What I do at least think I know is that whatever caused it occurred early in my life. (I've never done much of anything in the way of therapy. And it's too late to start now.) Other triggers revolve around all of the damage I did along the way. (Although there might have been a time I could have claimed victim status, I trampled that epithet along the way.) Growing up there was no such thing as depression. You were either "good" or you were "bad". (And if you were bad, you heard about it.) You were either happy or you weren't. And no one much cared or paid attention to which it was. I learned early in life there were things about myself I must never tell anyone, nor did anyone want to hear about it. (I probably couldn't have expressed it if they had asked.) So I just pretended (and not very successfully) to try to be the person I was expected to be. And over time, little-by-little, it all crumbled around me taking innocent others down in the process... just another turn on the misery-go-round of life I guess one might say. Oh well, at least it's all rapidly closing in on the final turn, for me anyway. __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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#4
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#5
Sometimes there can be a trigger, other times it's brain chemicals being messed up
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#6
my life has not been normal, and that probably contributes a lot to my depression.
some examples: I was brought up in an abusive family. I failed school (no qualifications), told I can't work, have no friends, no support network, life certainly hasn't been easy- and, given my young age and having so many issues, I find it difficult (and sometimes quite scary) to think about a possible future I've wasted so much time all ready and it's so unfair |
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#7
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#8
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Humpty Dumpty
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moodyblue83
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#9
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Triggers cause an immediate reaction. Depression is a state of mind. Regarding of what's happening. __________________ Trying to Live in the Moment |
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moodyblue83
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#10
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So true , so true. I'm also in my 60's with many , many , years of "therapy" and every time I " feel like I've had an epiphany "of some sort , it's very short in duration and I revert back to my default. One thing I know for sure is that I have never been able to take control of my life. __________________ Trying to Live in the Moment |
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#11
[QUOTE=Skeezyks;7252063
Hi Skeezyks...Although I ID with your whole post I just wanted to comment on this one part , most of all..... [QOUTE=I learned early in life there were things about myself I must never tell anyone, nor did anyone want to hear about it. (I probably couldn't have expressed it if they had asked.) So I just pretended (and not very successfully) to try to be the person I was expected to be. And over time, little-by-little, it all crumbled around me taking innocent others down in the process... just another turn on the misery-go-round of life I guess one might say. Oh well, at least it's all rapidly closing in on the final turn, for me anyway. [/QUOTE] It sure sounds like most of what " messed up " your life , so to speak ,happened " early on", when you were young. It feels like you've carried this burden with you along the way. It's terrible not to be able to express something that is burning inside, but you feel like you just can't tell anyone. Secrets eat at our soul. I think that's why we need an honest " confession " along the way. Not in the sense of revealing our wrongs, but to reveal our secrets, to a God , or to another human being. The idea being to cleanse this burden from our soul. To make us free , and maybe even give us a chance at experiencing some happiness. I don't know if any of that made any sense, just had to say it. Maybe because I feel the same way you do. And also am glad I'm on the " downside" of my life. __________________ Trying to Live in the Moment |
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