How do you move on, or stop living in the past?

20oney · Oct 09, 2022 at 04:31 AM

Something that has been brought up in therapy and I don’t have an answer for it.

I feel like there was so much missing, so many unmet needs and I don’t know how exactly to accept and move on from any of it.

What does it even mean to stop living in the past? How do you ever leave the past behind when it’s literally been your life? When it’s part of the story of who and where you are today.. how do you properly grieve the things you lost or never had?

moodyblue83 · Oct 09, 2022 at 06:20 AM

Living in the past is one of my biggest , if not the biggest ,
problem I face on a daily basis. It mentally paralyzes me.
Like drowning in quicksand. So these thoughts just come into
my head , uninvited. It makes me think about things I don't want
to think about. So I found that by practicing mindfulness meditation
you can recapture your brain and thoughts. I keep it very simple.
I just concentrate on what's in front of me at the moment.
I also just concentrate on my breathing. Something that most don't
even think about. I need to be in the HERE AND NOW ! If I do that
then there's no room for the past. My mind is filled with the now .
I would look into mindfulness. It helped me , I hope it can help you.

mountainstream · Oct 09, 2022 at 09:48 AM

cool09 · Oct 09, 2022 at 02:49 PM

I don't know how to do it. Thinking about the past is automatic for me. I think of all the criticism and rejection I've had. I worked for the Air Force a few years and got lots of criticism because I wasn't social.

sarahsweets · Oct 11, 2022 at 02:53 AM

In order to stop living in the past I believe you need to grieve it. The good, the bad, all of it. Grieve it, feel it (with a good therapist or support group etc) accept whatever part was yours, or not yours (I DONT MEAN ABUSE) forgive. I dont mean forgive horrible things so that person feels better I mean forgive the stuff thats blocking your path because forgiveness is for the forgiver imo. This process can be fast, slow, linger, languish... but one day you will wake up and the first thought of your day wont be about something horrible you think you did or are or were.

Oct 11, 2022 at 09:02 AM

I don't think its possible to completely stop living in the past, you'll always remember some of your past

Shoe · Oct 27, 2022 at 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by moodyblue83

Living in the past is one of my biggest , if not the biggest ,
problem I face on a daily basis. It mentally paralyzes me.
Like drowning in quicksand. So these thoughts just come into
my head , uninvited. It makes me think about things I don't want
to think about. So I found that by practicing mindfulness meditation
you can recapture your brain and thoughts. I keep it very simple.
I just concentrate on what's in front of me at the moment.
I also just concentrate on my breathing. Something that most don't
even think about. I need to be in the HERE AND NOW ! If I do that
then there's no room for the past. My mind is filled with the now .
I would look into mindfulness. It helped me , I hope it can help you.

I came across this video this morning and thought I would add it here.

How To Use Mindfulness For Depression - YouTube

mote.of.soul · Oct 30, 2022 at 12:54 AM

In my opinion this idea of 'living in the past' is just a way of saying 'thinking/talking about the past', I mean what else could it mean? You're not actually travelling in a time machine to the past to live, so, it can only mean thinking about/talking about the past. (Such a crime.)

I find myself thinking about the past a lot, trying to make sense of it, put it into a better perspective, or just thinking about times that were so real, full of emotions, and left an impression in my mind.

I equate this 'stop living in the past' idea to letting go. Letting go for good (if that's possible) or letting go in the moment in case you begin feeling too distressed.

I've heard of people having big letting go experiences which really transformed them, but for me it's about finding a perspective that allows me to let go of anger or hurt, and sometimes that just means to not think about it if I find myself starting to think about it. Self care.🙏

20oney · Oct 31, 2022 at 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cool09

I don't know how to do it. Thinking about the past is automatic for me. I think of all the criticism and rejection I've had. I worked for the Air Force a few years and got lots of criticism because I wasn't social.

Oh my gosh that is relatable! The work stuff, being criticised for not being more social. Cannot tell you how often I am reminded of that every week

((Hugs))

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mountainstream Magnate Member Since Apr 2008 Location: N/A Posts: 2,150 16 747 hugs given	Oct 09, 2022 at 09:48 AM #3
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cool09 Poohbah Member Since Feb 2012 Location: Eastern MD Posts: 1,480 12 17 hugs given	Oct 09, 2022 at 02:49 PM #4 I don't know how to do it. Thinking about the past is automatic for me. I think of all the criticism and rejection I've had. I worked for the Air Force a few years and got lots of criticism because I wasn't social. __________________ I know why you wanna hate me! Cause hate is all the world has seen lately! - Limp Bizkit
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Anonymous32448 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 11, 2022 at 09:02 AM #6 I don't think its possible to completely stop living in the past, you'll always remember some of your past
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