It's not a crime

Fuzzybear · Oct 30, 2022 at 12:23 PM

It's not a crime to feel distressed about aspects of our past if we've been abused. Or neglected in childhood. I've been told to ''stop living in the past'' - by one of the main abusers. They would say that. I do not ''live'' or ''dwell'' in the past, I wish I could heal some aspects of my experience... I was reading a good post by mote.of.soul about this somewhere. Occasionally I have mentioned distressing events in my past (I usually don't write a long list) and often the response has been invalidating. (not so much here although it has happened)

Someone posted

let it hurt
let it heal
let it go

The let it go is the hardest. If someone just says ''just move on'' they have no idea... and it is not in the slightest bit helpful.

unaluna · Oct 30, 2022 at 12:27 PM

Yeah. I would say the 4th step is, put yourself in a position where it never happens again. THRN youre free. For me, no contact helped, but knowing the parental unit was dead was my game-changer. Its like my mind finally knew the monster could never return. Altho i did still have dreams. They are finally decreasing.

Fuzzybear · Oct 30, 2022 at 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Yeah. I would say the 4th step is, put yourself in a position where it never happens again. THRN youre free. For me, no contact helped, but knowing the parental unit was dead was my game-changer. Its like my mind finally knew the monster could never return. Altho i did still have dreams. They are finally decreasing.

Yeah, knowing the monster could never return is helpful. I relate to the dreams..

Rohag · Oct 30, 2022 at 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by William Faulkner

The past is never dead. It's not even past.

From Requiem for a Nun.

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Its like my mind finally knew the monster could never return.

That greatly helps, though.

mote.of.soul · Oct 30, 2022 at 07:08 PM

Thank you Fuzzybear.🙏

Yes, I absolutely agree. The letting go is the hardest part for me too, especially if hurtful/negative quite possibly ill-intentioned (and actually ill-intentioned) things still get put on the person from time to time (or frequently), like a back log of stuff to process.

Yes..."Just move on".

No, YOU 'just move on' buddy. Out the door.😡👉

🙂🙏

downandlonely · Oct 30, 2022 at 07:51 PM

I've been told stuff like that too. I'm upset about things that happened over 35 years ago. Part of the problem is my memory is really good. So my mom often forgets the things she said to me. But I remember. I don't know what to do about that.

20oney · Oct 31, 2022 at 01:47 AM

I wish more people understood this. That it’s not so easy to just let it go. At the moment, I am working towards “forgiveness” which I think is absolute bull dust. Like, why do they deserve my forgiveness at all? But then it’s been explained to me that it is not about them. It’s “release forgiveness” where they play no part in it.

I still don’t understand this idea. But, we will see how it progresses.

I can’t see myself ever letting go of the past because it made me who I am today. It put me where I am today. For better or for worse. It sculpted me.

I like the saying

Let it hurt
Let it heal
Let it go

I think I’m very stuck in the first part.

Thanks for the post fuzzy!

Thirty shades · Nov 01, 2022 at 06:03 PM

Grrrrr

The hurt
And the pain may leave temporarily… after much effort

They keep coming back to haunt me without an invite

Nov 06, 2022 at 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 20oney

I wish more people understood this. That it’s not so easy to just let it go. At the moment, I am working towards “forgiveness” which I think is absolute bull dust. Like, why do they deserve my forgiveness at all? But then it’s been explained to me that it is not about them. It’s “release forgiveness” where they play no part in it.

I still don’t understand this idea. But, we will see how it progresses.

I can’t see myself ever letting go of the past because it made me who I am today. It put me where I am today. For better or for worse. It sculpted me.

I like the saying

Let it hurt
Let it heal
Let it go

I think I’m very stuck in the first part.

Thanks for the post fuzzy!

I think I'm stuck in the first part as well, not helped by a memory black hole, most of 2012 and some of 2013 I think

From the march 2012 through to maybe about June 2013 is in the black hole

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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,834 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.3k hugs given	Oct 30, 2022 at 12:27 PM #2 Yeah. I would say the 4th step is, put yourself in a position where it never happens again. THRN youre free. For me, no contact helped, but knowing the parental unit was dead was my game-changer. Its like my mind finally knew the monster could never return. Altho i did still have dreams. They are finally decreasing.
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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Oct 30, 2022 at 07:51 PM #6 I've been told stuff like that too. I'm upset about things that happened over 35 years ago. Part of the problem is my memory is really good. So my mom often forgets the things she said to me. But I remember. I don't know what to do about that.
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Thirty shades Grand Magnate Member Since Jul 2018 Location: UK Posts: 4,799 (SuperPoster!) 5 16.2k hugs given	Nov 01, 2022 at 06:03 PM #8 Grrrrr The hurt And the pain may leave temporarily… after much effort They keep coming back to haunt me without an invite
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