No longer know how to help husband

Hi,
This is my first post and I am a new member. I apologise is advance if this post is a bit long.

DH has always suffered from depression and social anxiety. Together we’ve always worked through it and all has been good. We have two older children (20 & 17).

12 years ago he baca me seriously I’ll and spent over a year in hospital. He has been left disabled as a result but can still get around. He was prescribed citalopram to help with his mood as he was also diagnosed as having ptsd as a result of the hospital stay.

He decided a few months ago he’s fed up if taking lots of meds and decided to stop citalopram. Was difficult and he went through hell but he came out the other side and all was good. We did notice that he had more mood swings and now had a short temper but nothing we couldn’t deal with. We then made the fatal mistake of adopting a dog. Unfortunately the dog we already had would not accept her and she had to go back (she has since been adopted by a lovely family.) Since she has gone back life has been hell. She was only with us for 2 weeks.

That was 6 weeks ago and he has been rock bottom since. I’ve never seen him this bad. He has barely spoken to me or the children, he barely eats and is just miserable the whole time. He doesn’t work but I do and everything in the house is left to me (it’s always been that way but he won’t even let the dog out now). I’m at my wits end cos I don’t know what to do. He won’t go back on antidepressants, he won’t see doctor, children are confused as hell and we are all treading on eggshells. He’s always said to me that one day he will take his own life and I suppose I’ve kind of accepted that it will happen one day as he’s said it so often.
I just can’t take this anymore. It’s a living hell in the house at the moment and it’s getting worse. I wont let my mum visit cos I’ve had enough of apologising for his behaviour because he is so miserable.
I feel awful typing this but it’s been over 20 years and I’ve had enough. We are chalk and cheese personality wise and I can’t cope with him dragging me down any more. This isn’t a life, it’s a sentence.

If there was anyway I could help him I would but I’m out of ideas.

Any suggestions

Thank you

@Couch hamster welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry your partner has gone off meds and is in rough shape. There are no easy answers until they are willing to go back on treatments of some kind.

It is hard to advise you since we are all peers like you, but I think you might want to consider a therapist for you and the kids that can evaluate the situation and suggest options to keep you and the kids safe from mental and emotional trauma. Maybe they can help you decide a reasonable course of action.

Hope you get the support you are looking for. @CANDC

I second finding a therapist for yourself and the kids if they want one. There’s not much you can do to help someone who refuses help. You can however talk to someone about what you can do for yourself and how to move forward.

Welcome to MSF, Couch hamster.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I don't know where you live or what the laws are like there. You've already received 2 replies here on MSF suggesting you seek the services of a therapist for yourself and your kids; (at least the 17-year-old. The 20-year-old is an adult & can make her / his own decisions in this regard.) And, of course, I would certainly concur with this recommendation.

I'm not a mental health professional. So all I can offer is my own lay-person's perspective regarding what you wrote. And my thinking, with regard to your situation, is that the only thing that may be of help to your partner at this point may be electroconvulsive therapy. (It was once recommended for me too.) Of course, a psychiatrist would have to be consulted in regard to this. But I think it is sometimes a treatment that can help when medications have failed. The problem is, it sounds like, your partner is unlikely to agree to something like this. And so (again, depending on the laws where you live, as well as the treatments that are available) it would likely be necessary for someone to obtain legal guardianship over your partner so they can make decisions on his behalf he is unable to make for himself. This, of course, would require the services of an attorney. (At least this would be the way things of this sort would work where I live.) This no doubt sounds like an impossibly complicated process to undertake. And it may well be. However, based on what you wrote, it sounds as though the alternative may be to simply watch your partner continue to deteriorate until he at some point takes his own life. At least this is what occurs to me regarding your post... for what it's worth... if anything. Consider it "food for thought", as the saying goes.

I hope you find the forums to be of benefit.