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Default Dec 13, 2022 at 07:17 PM
  #41
I spoke too soon. I thought I had pulled out of the tailspin. I'm not ok. Even though I improved yesterday and the day before. Today I did nothing.

I know a thread like this gets stale pretty fast. The encouragement has been appreciated. Now I either do what needs doing or I don't.

I got a call from the office of my PCP. Someone on the line wanted to schedule me for a mammogram. I said, "No thanks." Then she wanted to do a "depression screening" on the phone. It was a multiple choice thing. She wasn't a nurse or an MSW. She wasn't even an M.A. She was some kind of a "tech." The questions started. Then we got disconnected. She didn't call back.

I don't think "techs" should be conducting psych screenings.
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Default Dec 13, 2022 at 08:37 PM
  #42
I guess I should just "snap out of it."
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Default Dec 13, 2022 at 09:55 PM
  #43
I think we need to, or can, embrace a completely different sense of time after our work years are done and we are on our own. It can be a different paradigm. Rewards come in / for different ways.
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Default Dec 14, 2022 at 02:02 AM
  #44
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I guess I should just "snap out of it."
Hey, you know that’s not realistic or fair on yourself right? If only it were that easy. There’s going to be good days and bad.

That depression evaluation with the tech sounds pretty awful, I agree that’s not appropriate. Multiple choice and then getting cut off without a call back, it’s not at all helpful.

Keep on with the self care, and post here if it helps,, but you aren’t posting anything stale from others perspective and we certainly don’t expect you to snap out of anything.
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Default Dec 14, 2022 at 04:36 AM
  #45
I like to post. It reminds me that, over the years, I've posted about past tailspins. They always end. Then I can feel well, which sometimes lasts for quite a while. It can seem that an "episode" is going to be permanent, but these blue periods are transient. I'm not a hopeless person. I find things to enjoy.

What scares me is that I'm enjoying doing nothing. That's ok now and then. This is not ok.

I keep thinking I'll do better tomorrow. Tonight I don't think that.
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Default Dec 14, 2022 at 07:44 AM
  #46
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Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
I like to post. It reminds me that, over the years, I've posted about past tailspins. They always end. Then I can feel well, which sometimes lasts for quite a while. It can seem that an "episode" is going to be permanent, but these blue periods are transient. I'm not a hopeless person. I find things to enjoy.

What scares me is that I'm enjoying doing nothing. That's ok now and then. This is not ok.

I keep thinking I'll do better tomorrow. Tonight I don't think that.

In CBT there is a saying: "This too will pass". One is to imagine that one is on a boat in rough sea. To feel frightened or whatever will not help, because it will not take the boat out of the waves.

So please don't worry about being content with doing nothing, but try to set your goals very low. Pick up two Christmas things in the morning and two in the evening (as examples) and hang it on the three. If you want to do more that is OK, if not, that is OK as well.

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Default Dec 14, 2022 at 10:53 AM
  #47
The italians have a saying, "Beato far niente." How lovely or blessed to do nothkng. And buckingham whatsisname the philosopher even wrote a book about it.

It is in this quiet that you can hear your true self.
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Default Dec 14, 2022 at 03:15 PM
  #48
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The italians have a saying, "Beato far niente." How lovely or blessed to do nothkng. And buckingham whatsisname the philosopher even wrote a book about it.

It is in this quiet that you can hear your true self.
It is not lovely or blessed to be depressed. This is not my true self. This is mental illness. No one likes being in bad shape.

I appreciate you trying to find a silver lining to the cloud. This cloud is just bad.
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Default Dec 14, 2022 at 03:16 PM
  #49
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In CBT there is a saying: "This too will pass". One is to imagine that one is on a boat in rough sea. To feel frightened or whatever will not help, because it will not take the boat out of the waves.

So please don't worry about being content with doing nothing, but try to set your goals very low. Pick up two Christmas things in the morning and two in the evening (as examples) and hang it on the three. If you want to do more that is OK, if not, that is OK as well.
That's good advice.
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Default Dec 14, 2022 at 05:16 PM
  #50
I think it’s really good to do nothing if you feel content about it or truly need rest from something. I sometimes feel content with doing nothing but only if main things are done or I am truly resting. Otherwise I am very anxious about stuff not being done. So I can’t enjoy doing nothing. I think it depends how you feel about it. If doing nothing stresses you out, then it’s no good

As about setting goals or manage tasks. You might want to have your tasks and goals adjusted. Some of the things you assigned yourself would be too much for lots of people.

There are plenty of ways to decorate for holidays without putting up Christmas trees. It’s too much work even if one isn’t depressed or isn’t in pain!

Ton of nice ready made stuff out there including table top decorated little trees or arrangements with no tree. Decorating actual tree is not really needed in order to have holiday spirit. I’d spend that energy on something more long term (tree will have to come down some time before May so it’s yet additional task, who needs that?)

Just a thought. Make baby steps.

Today wash the sheets make bed and shower

Tomorrow clean up the kitchen and make a simple meal

One-two easy things a day

Etc
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Default Dec 14, 2022 at 07:27 PM
  #51
To be content doing nothing because I don't care is not a good feeling. I can see where me using the word, content, is misleading. It's a feeling of complete apathy. Apathy is somewhat relaxing, but I've never, ever enjoyed feeling apathetic. If you ever went to your vehicle and the engine just wouldn't turn over, that's the feeling. All of a sudden, you're not going anywhere.

It's about 5 p.m. I got out of bed at 4:30 p.m. because, suddenly, I just didn't feel so bad. I had a cup of coffee. I feel up to taking a shower now, which is a breakthrough. Then I want to straighten up my place. For the past 2 days, I haven't washed a dish. I hate when my apartment gets messy. It's a comfy place when I stay on top of things.

If I restore some order, I'll feel much better.

@divine1966 - Yes, small goals for this evening are the way to go. Right now I'm thrilled that I don't feel like going back to bed. That's all I did all day.

This "episode" or "tailspin" might be winding down. Once I get out of a tailspin, it's amazing how good I can feel.

Thank you all for every post above.
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Default Dec 15, 2022 at 08:55 PM
  #52
Since last evening, I've felt pretty okay. The "episode" ended. Now I feel more or less normal.

This evening I want to finish the livingroom and make a meatloaf. It's like I was in quicksand and got pulled out. Now if I can just sustain this for a reasonable interval - at least till mid Jan.

I don't know what happens to my mind that I get so low, and it just ends when it ends.

I do think that lack of good habits and a steady routine is what makes me susceptible to going off the rails like I do. I do have to work on having more structure. Good suggestions have been offered to me in this thread.
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Default Dec 16, 2022 at 06:40 AM
  #53
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Since last evening, I've felt pretty okay. The "episode" ended. Now I feel more or less normal.

I am so happy to hear that you feel better!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
I do think that lack of good habits and a steady routine is what makes me susceptible to going off the rails like I do. I do have to work on having more structure. Good suggestions have been offered to me in this thread.

I have a strong belief in routines with enough space for relaxing. Routines work well for me.

You know, Rose, that of course your life situation has some impact on your total wellbeing (your borderline siblings and more). I hope for you that you will have time for going through your interests after Christmas and the join one or more groups with people who have similar interests.

I'll PM you a link to a book recommendation that works very well for me. To see what it is about can give you an idea if you think it is something for you as well. I repeat it every morning (not the whole book, but some of the advises that is given there) so I remember to use the tools.

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Default Dec 16, 2022 at 07:00 PM
  #54
Today didn't go well. I better go get blood drawn tomorrow. I'm abnormally tired. It could be from depression. This is disappointing.
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Default Dec 17, 2022 at 06:30 AM
  #55
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Today didn't go well. I better go get blood drawn tomorrow. I'm abnormally tired. It could be from depression. This is disappointing.

I am very tired as well. I went to sermon in the church one evening and I almost fell asleep. Better times will come ...

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Default Dec 17, 2022 at 07:07 AM
  #56
Rose, please don't expect that the depression will leave you quickly. Take "baby steps" and expect setbacks. I know how it feels when one thinks that it will be better and then have a setback. A setback is no catastrophe, but a part in the road out of depression. I don't know if this can help you, but for me it has helped to talk to the "Setback": "I am not going to be fooled by "you"! Today I am going to take it easy and don't worry about my psyche".

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Default Dec 17, 2022 at 07:43 AM
  #57
Just thinking, sometimes it can be making that huge push to do something that tires us next day.

I heard this described as the spoon theory, you only have so many spoons (energy) for activities and once they’re used that’s it, time to rest.
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Default Dec 17, 2022 at 07:45 AM
  #58
Have you recently been checked for anemia?

I think I read somewhere that you had a gastrointestinal bleed?
I don't think getting into a routine is a bad idea. Coffee works for me.
All the best to you.
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Default Dec 17, 2022 at 08:50 AM
  #59
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Have you recently been checked for anemia?

I think I read somewhere that you had a gastrointestinal bleed?
I don't think getting into a routine is a bad idea. Coffee works for me.
All the best to you.
I had very low iron level in my bloodstream some weeks ago. My doctor put me on a doze of iron intake each day. Am going back for a check up in February. It takes it's time to fill the iron storage up again.

So here I am, thinking that my depression is on it's way out because of me being clever to look out for triggers, when it all can be due to the iron mixture.

Well, I suppose it can be both, a combination!

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Default Dec 17, 2022 at 09:53 PM
  #60
I recently had a bag of I/V iron to treat anemia from a recent ulcer bleed. I'm probably not anemic now. I should go for labs in the upcoming week.

Tonight I want to gather up the boxes that held Xmas stuff and put them in my outside storage closet. Two nights ago, I put up my Nativity set and my Victorian village that was my boyfriend's. They look very nice. More stuff is strewn around and a bunch of empty boxes. If I would just pick up that stuff and stow it, my place would look nice. That would make me feel much better. It's already dark and cold, but I think I can still get it done.

I keep thinking of my sister who is giving me the cold shoulder. She telephoned me when she was drinking and stressed me out. This was in July. I was in the hospital. So I told her the call upset me. Since then she's staying out of touch. I didn't think she'ld keep this up so close to Christmas. I've called her and texted and sent a nice Xmas card. She acts too busy to interact. I've gone through this with her before. I truly don't deserve this. I've been there for her when she's had tough times. I should stop thinking about it. She's immature and spiteful. I shouldn't expect better of her.

I was alone last Christmas, and it didn't bother me. This year I do feel isolated.

Well, let me put away the boxes.
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