[Rose76]

I'm having a very hard time being all alone today. Maybe it's because tomorrow is Easter, and that's a day of family dinners for many people. I don't want to go off the deep end, like I did at Christmas.

Today I truly felt unwell with a tummy issue, so I've stayed in pajamas all day. Now I really regret that I didn't leave the house for a few hours. When I do that, it makes my evening more ok. Instead, I kept lying down. That means I'll have a hard time getting sleep tonight. It will be a long night.

I went through an extended bad time earlier this year. It was months of depression with bad anxiety. Then I came out of it and was doing good for about a month or more. Today is the first big crack in my peace of mind. It's my fault because I haven't been working on getting out and involved with other people. I was busy enough with spring cleaning.

So now I'm telling myself not to go down into that depressive pit again. I think I can manage not to do that.

I really don't like Saturdays. I feel most alone on Saturdays.

[Rose76]

Starting to have real anxiety.

Bad as it is to be depressed, anxiety is worse.

[will19]

I can relate well with the holidays. I live in an apartment complex, and during the holidays, I see people coming for others bringing all kinds of food for a nice lunch or dinner together. That's not going to happen for me. So it's painful for me to see this.

I get the depressive feelings quite a bit myself because of being alone. There are times when I feel OK by myself but then it's hard to take knowing that there was no one to talk to all day. I like alone times but I don't want it to be like that all of the time. Keeping myself busy helps, but when the time comes when there's nothing to do, then it hits me. And anxiety, oh boy do I ever have that at times! I especially have it when in bed before getting out for breakfast. My mind spins like a windmill in a hurricane. It feels like my world is coming to an end. What's weird is that if times are nice, I get anxiety because I think that I'm being set up for a big plunge later on.

I think it's good if you know of a place to go and meet people. I've tried that myself and felt like I didn't succeed. And it made me feel worse. When I go out and about, sometimes I would get into some small talk with my neighbors. It's nice but not fulfilling. And then there are those I bump into who I don't want to see. That's really bad.

I don't know what to suggest. I'm feeling the same as you and you are not alone in this, even though it may seem that way.

[Rose76]

Thanks, will19. I sure can relate to your description, which is very well expressed.

I plan to look into things going on in my community and try and find something I can participate in. I joined a community center that has activities, but I haven't explored what goes on there.

Easter isn't that important to me. So I'll be okay today. At least we can enjoy the warming weather and our mini-gardens.

[Que Sera Sera]

i look at it like its not that i really care to be around people but it be nice once in a while to at least have someone care that im around

[Rose76]

My phone alerted me to a text message. It was a small gif that said Happy Easter. Sent by a sister thousands of miles away. Just the small gif. Nothing else.

I didn't expect to hear anything from her. I was resigned to that. I think getting the gif just made me sad.