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pliepla
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Default May 14, 2023 at 04:36 AM
  #1
I guess everybody reading this thread knows them: the days, weeks or even months when you experience no joy at all, only sadness and if something that could be interpreted as nice crosses your path, it only provokes anxiety and sends you off in a downward spiral again.

I have going through such a phase for a few months now. And before that, things weren't great either. It has been like this for seven years now. I have more or less given up. I don't believe there is room for improvement anymore, which is a point for ongoing discussion with my therapist and my general physician. Apparently I should somehow believe in the possibility to improve but I have been through so much that I will only believe in improvement once the it is there. It is eating up all my motivation to keep struggling. And i I stop fighting, I guess further downward is the only direction I will travel from now on.

I wonder what keeps people going on such occasions. My battery is definitely empty.
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Default May 14, 2023 at 11:41 AM
  #2
People like you keep me going. And having a mission in life. Depression is brutal. Just brutal.
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Default May 14, 2023 at 12:03 PM
  #3
Hi @pliepla sorry you are feeling so low. I hope you find a way to keep on going on despite how you feel.

I can empathize about feeling empty or the battery drained. I lost my mom a couple months ago and I never knew how much they meant to me at a deep level until they were gone. The things I depended on happening are not happening anymore.

So what do I do? For me the important thing is to have some kind of list or plan for the day. I try to exercise or do yoga because it makes my body feel better and I have more energy. I was on a high carb diet and I just kept feeling bad so I reduced my carbs and eat more veggies and protein and I feel better.

I think volunteering has helped me a lot. Helping others to feel better is keeping me from ruminating on my own problems as much.

It is better but nothing is perfect but I keep on going. Hope you find something to help. @CANDC

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Default May 14, 2023 at 01:31 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yaowen View Post
People like you keep me going. And having a mission in life. Depression is brutal. Just brutal.
I agree, good post. I feel the same.

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Default May 14, 2023 at 03:13 PM
  #5
It can be extremely difficult for me to keep going. The meds definitely help me to keep going.

You say that if you stop struggling then there's only the downward spiral... may I suggest something outside of that: that is rest. See if you can rest some.


Concentrate of hygienic life routines such as good rest, exercise and good food and positive social contacts. You need a solid morning routine, for sure. I meditate and have herbal tea every single day for the most part.


I can only speak of what I know, and I had such a bad breakdown that it felt as though I visited the realm of hell... I am very afraid of revisiting that place, so somehow that very fear keeps me going. But, I make time for rest... life has forever changed for me, and sadly I'm not very spiritual.

Somehow, I've found the wherewithal to read again (my brain wasn't capable of it before since the breakdown) and i have started doing some writing. I'm looking for ways to sublimate my suffering.

I came across The Desiderata the other day, and read it aloud and it did me some good at the time... though now, my ennui and, sadly my cynicism has returned and now i feel so far away from how I felt when I read it.

So what to do? I will distract myself for a bit, then rest and tomorrow is a new day. You never know, it might be better.

My evening antidepressant is mirtazepine (Remeron) and I find it helps me tremendously.

I hope you feel better... keep posting!
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Default May 15, 2023 at 06:43 AM
  #6
I also want to mention the 'feeling' and 'expressing' of emotion.

Especially the more difficult ones that we may have been trained to suppress from childhood.

We need to look at the role of anger, guilt and shame and how they might impact our survival instinct.


Does that make any sense?
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Default May 15, 2023 at 07:04 AM
  #7
I like the suggestion of rest, and also being kind to yourself - what makes you feel good in this moment? It could be as simple as looking through a favourite book or tv show. Escapism is good! We don’t just exist to achieve/earn/work imo.
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Default May 15, 2023 at 08:51 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
I like the suggestion of rest, and also being kind to yourself - what makes you feel good in this moment? It could be as simple as looking through a favourite book or tv show. Escapism is good! We don’t just exist to achieve/earn/work imo.
Thank you Discombobulated. I could not agree more

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Default May 15, 2023 at 11:32 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yaowen View Post
People like you keep me going. And having a mission in life. Depression is brutal. Just brutal.
This made me cry, to read that I do have meaning even in the eyes of somebody I will never meet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
I like the suggestion of rest, and also being kind to yourself - what makes you feel good in this moment? It could be as simple as looking through a favourite book or tv show. Escapism is good! We don’t just exist to achieve/earn/work imo.
And what if nothing really feels good?
It seems all I can do at this point is to busy myself with my obligations - I am studying and the exams are getting closer, se that might be a good thing - but I mostly do things because I have to.

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I can only speak of what I know, and I had such a bad breakdown that it felt as though I visited the realm of hell... I am very afraid of revisiting that place, so somehow that very fear keeps me going.
I know the feeling of hell. At some times, I even believe I have nothing to fear from hell as life is worse.

For me, it's no meds. Until a few days ago when I started taking trazodone to sleep. I feel slightly better.
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Default May 16, 2023 at 12:32 PM
  #10
It’s tough when you’re studying, fitting time in for yourself can be tough although I notice on another thread you mentioned cycling? Maybe thinking back in the past you can remember something that used to spark joy?
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Default May 16, 2023 at 03:22 PM
  #11
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
It’s tough when you’re studying, fitting time in for yourself can be tough although I notice on another thread you mentioned cycling? Maybe thinking back in the past you can remember something that used to spark joy?
It is hard as my anxiety drives me towards studying more and more. I used to be an avid mountainbiker but part of my mental problems stem from a (mild) arrythmia (possibly even a temporary thing, induced by an antidepressant). I am strongly adviced to not work out too intensively.

I used to like drawing and I do that too now, but I dont always have the right mindset.

I find some joy in tango dancing but it is also my greatest source of stress (meeting women when you are insecure ...).

I am searching but as my life has always been structured by working out and building up to specific goals, it is hard.
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