FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 247
4 70 hugs
given |
#1
I just had a discussion with my general physician. The idea that keeps recurring is that I should believe in improvement to improve. She does in my opinion cast all previous experiences - including some horrible outcomes of therapy - aside. My answer to that is that I will believe in improvement when it is there. So far I dont see it, not now, not in the near future. If she points out small improvements, it is discouraging as well as, at this pace, it will take maybe thirty years before I can start living. Anyway, this whole discussion feels as if believing in improvement is a necessary condition for improvement and that I wont improve if I dont believe in something, even thought the whole therapeutic establishment has taken my belief from me.
I wonder ... Is it necessary to believe in improvement to improve? And what is it exactly that I should believe in? |
Reply With Quote |
Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, giddykitty, mote.of.soul
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
#2
I hear you. Today, a friend of mine told me that all I need is confidence. While his intentions are good, his remark missed it's mark. I explained that my challenges are more to do with living in a restrictive world that burdens me. Although my confidence, like that of many others, suffers, I believe that a better starting point would be to provide people with the will to live, rather than implying how they should think or be.
We should be accepted for who presently be and where we presently are. The best we can do is learn to accept ourselves and help others who struggle similarly. Unfortunately, it has become an industry where the focus is less on accepting people as they are but more seeks to identify, label, and keep peole dependent on services that cripple us. Sigh... Please forgive me, as I am currently in a deep depressive state hemmed with said services. It's okay to feel like giving up. It's okay to lack the will. What we truly need is to be accepted, if not understood. I've been unable to sleep for months. ZZZzzz. I've been at this life on the bottom rung for many years. It gets very tiring. I just wanted to provide an honest response, hoping that someone might find this information... well, reassuring in some way. The truth is, even those of us who feel miserable have the potential to confide in and comfort each other just as we are, without any need to be more than who we already are. |
Reply With Quote |
Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, giddykitty, mote.of.soul, pliepla
|
giddykitty, pliepla
|
New Member
Member Since May 2023
Location: maroc
Posts: 3
|
#3
acceptation
|
Reply With Quote |
mote.of.soul
|
Discombobulated, pliepla
|
Mad Walker
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,094
(SuperPoster!)
6 21.9k hugs
given |
#4
Quote:
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
|
|
Reply With Quote |
giddykitty, pliepla
|
Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,843
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.3k hugs
given |
#5
Henry Ford said something like, whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.
|
Reply With Quote |
TishaBuv
|
Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,421
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,332 hugs
given |
#6
Not feeling like there is anything to believe in is a classic symptom of depression. I think it's kind of illogical to ask a depressed person to not have this symptom. I'm assuming you are depressed. Correct me if I'm wrong.
I hope you do experience some kind of improvement. They say the past is the best predictor of the future. I totally get how negative past experience colors our expectations for the future. |
Reply With Quote |
Discombobulated, pliepla
|
Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 247
4 70 hugs
given |
#7
Quote:
I have been depressed since three years before my divorce do that is seven years in total without any fundamental improvement. For years every step forward resulted in two Steps back. Things appear slightly better the last two months but I just can't trust life anymore. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Rose76, TishaBuv
|
Rose76
|
Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,181
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,869 hugs
given |
#8
It feels like there is a line, like a water level mark, with hope. When we lose hope, we sink into depression, like depression is the loss of hope. It’s like hope is a life raft. If we can find a little bit of hope, we can lift ourselves out of the depths of depression.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
Reply With Quote |
TheGal
|
Discombobulated
|
Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,421
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,332 hugs
given |
#9
Quote:
You must be honest with yourself and take ownership of where your approach to handling things may have been misguided. That does not mean you weren't trying . . . and trying very hard. Therapy may be helpful, or it may not be. I often found that it wasn't very impactful. The important insights that I've gained I pretty much figured out for myself. None of them were due to some revelation that came out of therapy. However, therapists can be extremely defensive. I've had interactions with therapists and with psychiatrists that I would call downright abusive. And . . . the more highly credentialed they are, the more vicious they can become. Trust me. I've been there. It may be that the professional treatment you've been getting has not been effective for you. That doesn't mean the professionals were not doing the best they could. It does not mean that you weren't doing the best you could. Sometimes "treatment," both pharmaceutical and psychotherapeutic fails to be very helpful. It has happened to me. That means you have to search elsewhere for answers. I'm not saying you should discontinue therapy or whatever help you are getting. I am saying: don't rely too heavily on it. In life we have to experiment and try things that might feel scarey to try. This isn't going to happen, sitting in an office, talking with someone. I have struggled with depressive episodes all my life. In between episodes, I often feel very well. I live for those good intervals. Here's what works for me: During a depressive episode (which can last a long while,) I say to myself: Something about the way I am approaching life is not working for me. What can I do differently? What do I have the power to change? I don't accuse myself of not trying hard enough. Rarely is that the problem. More likely, I've been beating my head against a brick wall . . . knocking myself out, pushing real hard and getting nowhere. Your experience with your divorce seems to be the crux of your problem, since you mention it. Somehow you've gotten stuck. I believe you have more power than you know you have. I believe we all do. That's not blind faith on my part. That's my lived experience. Somehow you've got to marshall up that power and focus it in some direction. You might be better able to figure that out, yourself, than the people you are turning to for counsel. I wish you luck and success. |
|
Reply With Quote |
TheGal
|
Discombobulated, pliepla, TheGal
|
Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 989
1 637 hugs
given |
#10
“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” ~ Alan Watts
|
Reply With Quote |
Discombobulated
|
Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 247
4 70 hugs
given |
#11
Quote:
On top of that, I fell in love and it seems to be going nowhere (again). It is the confrontation with my unattrativeness and lack of perspectives on that front and my loneliness that make me lose all hope for a better future, regardless of what I might achieve otherwise. For me, it has always been about having a perspective for life. I lost that when I was 19. I always reacted well to therapy because of the perspective it offered but this always resulted in therapists thinking that everything was solved and my reports about anxiety etc. were ignored. I did something called psychosocial revalidation and there this approach was very extreme. They took every hope for betterment away from me. Although I must admit that I now have a very good psychologist I still consistently come to the conclusion that all the hampering I had to put up with up to now have turned something that was probably not all too complex into a situation that can no longer be solved. I continue because I have to. I survive but I don't live. And honestly, I want neither. Last edited by pliepla; Jun 13, 2023 at 05:31 AM.. |
|
Reply With Quote |
Discombobulated, Rose76
|
Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 989
1 637 hugs
given |
#12
Could you try helping other people? Maybe that would help you deal with your inner void?
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,421
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,332 hugs
given |
#13
To have fallen in love, but feel it is going nowhere, sounds like a condition that would produce dysphoria in anyone. To regard yourself as "unattractive" would also make for a grim outlook. Truly, you are in a dark state of mind.
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 247
4 70 hugs
given |
#14
I write about this in another thread (I can add a link if you ask me). Sometimes I believe certain elements or the story are positive and that it is mostly my insecurity.
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,421
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,332 hugs
given |
#15
|
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 247
4 70 hugs
given |
#16
|
Reply With Quote |
Discombobulated
|
Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 247
4 70 hugs
given |
#17
You have already found it but still, here it is:
http://https://mysupportforums.org/r...out-where.html The longer I live with it, the more I realize that insecurity lies at the basis. It comes to the fore in it's most extreme form when I fall for somebody. And I am not sure whether I will ever overcome this. |
Reply With Quote |
Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,421
(SuperPoster!)
13 5,332 hugs
given |
#18
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Discombobulated
|
Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 247
4 70 hugs
given |
#19
Quote:
|
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2022
Location: The House
Posts: 989
1 637 hugs
given |
#20
Quote:
Sorry about your health, first and foremost.. The bookstore is good but how about doing something "hands on" to balance out your intellect? If you don't mind my saying, you seem caught in your head. You are very intelligent, but that might be working against you in terms of overthinking. Maybe consider something you can do with your hands, like building houses for Habitat for Humanity or cooking at a local soup kitchen. Just a thought... |
|
Reply With Quote |