[will19]

It's early in the day now and I'm just having my first coffee of the day. I have been feeling depressed lately because I haven't been sleeping well and the hot weather. The mornings are not bad but late afternoon seems to be the worst.

I really didn't sleep well last night because I went to bed upset. I got into a verbal fight with one of the neighbors yesterday. The guy I got into a fight with is nasty and hostile. He said things to me that I can't even put down on here. It's that bad. And the manager heard about it and sent me an email last night. I replied back saying that I'd like to talk about what happened. I haven't heard anything from the manager so far this morning. Good God, I really hate those things.

[Rosi700]

Originally Posted by will19

It's early in the day now and I'm just having my first coffee of the day. I have been feeling depressed lately because I haven't been sleeping well and the hot weather. The mornings are not bad but late afternoon seems to be the worst.

I really didn't sleep well last night because I went to be upset. I got into a verbal fight with one of the neighbors yesterday. The guy I got into a fight with is nasty and hostile. He said things to me that I can't even put down on here. It's that bad. And the manager heard about it and sent me an email last night. I replied back saying that I'd like to talk about what happened. I haven't heard anything from the manager so far this morning. Good God, I really hate those things.

Sorry to hear about this!

[Rosi700]

The flu and the depression are gone, but I am compleate out of motivation.

[hiddenaway]

I have my first real appointment with my new PT on Wednesday and I’m kinda nervous. I mean, I think I’ll be okay once I get there, but still.

[Rose76]

I'm having another episode of depression. I pull out of an episode, but the episodes keep coming. I think not having anyone in my life that I can turn to makes this problem a lot worse. I've adjusted to being alone since my sig. other died. I can tolerate being alone pretty well. But it was nice to get the occasional phone call from my two sisters who live very far from me. For two years after my bf died, the calls came regularly - like once a month. A year ago one of my sisters stopped calling. I don't know why. She had previously been a good friend. I don't whine about depression to my sisters. As the old saying goes, "Cry, and you cry alone."

I feel a sense of loss. A few days ago a relative of mine died. She was very dear to me, and we had been close. I was hoping to visit her in the fall. That might be what plunged me into this episode. It's getting so frustrating that I keep having these episodes that, at times, I feel desperate to escape. I think how can I flee from this state of mind? This pattern will stop when I'm dead. I think how much longer do I have to keep living? So I think of suicide.

I think about looking for psychiatric help. I'm convinced there's nothing any doctor or counselor can offer that would help. I tried all that stuff. Someone caring about me would make a huge difference. I called my sister last evening. Things between us just aren't like they used to be.

I can't come up with a plan for how I'm going to get these episodes to lighten up. My only escape is sleep.

[unaluna]

Rose76 - have you tried volunteering to work with seniors? You can become a caller or maybe sign up to become a callee.

[Buffy01]

I forced myself to go outside and stand in the sunshine today

[Rosi700]

Still very tired, but better than yesterday!

[will19]

Things have been rough-going in the last couple of days. Last Sunday I got into a verbal fight was a neighbor that was pretty vicious; and later on the manager at my place found out about it and wanted an explanation from me. So I gave the manager an explanation but I don't feel good about it. I haven't heard anything back. I'd rather not hear about it anymore.

And then yesterday it was announced that the Jacuzzi at my place will be removed. My place will not have a Jacuzzi anymore. That really hurts because I used it a lot. Also, back four years ago when I was looking for a new place to live, seeing that Jacuzzi sold me. And now it's gone for good!

Living at my place is all that I have in my life now. And I feel like it's totally toxic. The neighbors are not getting along and there seems like there's so much hostility in the air. I want to leave because it's become so bad but yet at the same time I never wanted to leave. But maybe this all for the best even though I can't see it that way right now.

[Buffy01]

I been trying to keep myself busy because lately I been feeling awful about myself :sadhug

[Fuzzybear]

Tired…

[hiddenaway]

I miss my old PT more than I care to admit.

She was more than just that to me - we had a real connection and I could tell her anything without judgement. She wants to keep in touch but it’s not the same.

Why do things have to change? I don’t like it.

[Rosi700]

Very tired!

[Buffy01]

I’ve been journaling every thing how I been feeling and hoping that I will feel better and letting go of the hurts.

[hiddenaway]

Today’s the day.

I have my first real appointment with my new PT in a bit less than three hours. I’m kinda anxious and hoping I don’t make too much of a fool of myself.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by hiddenaway

Today’s the day.

I have my first real appointment with my new PT in a bit less than three hours. I’m kinda anxious and hoping I don’t make too much of a fool of myself.

it’s normal to feel nervous

[Rose76]

I felt okay today. What a relief.

[hiddenaway]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

it’s normal to feel nervous

It went better than I thought it would. She’s so cute I can’t stand it.

[Rosi700]

Still very tired after the flu.

[Rosi700]

Since I am better now (only tired), I think it is best for me to withdraw from this forum for a while. I need all my energy to focus on me and my recovery only.

I have bought a book today from Amazon, that seem to correspond to my inner view (but not so detailed of course) of how to beat depression and to stay out of it: "The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time."

I send my very best wishes for the health of everybody here!