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Rose76 In a tailspin of depression.
 
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Old Sep 09, 2023 at 06:21 PM
  #361
 
I'm still doing real well. I was just outside filling my bird feeders and watering my plants. I guess I it took a while for me to recover from my feelings being hurt by a family situation back in May. I didn't think I would recover . . . but I did. I always do, eventually. I must remember that the next time I feel wounded by something. I'm lucky. The lows are are dismal to go thru, but they don't last for a long time, though it can feel like they do.
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Old Sep 09, 2023 at 11:47 PM
  #362
 
Sometimes I feel like the whole world has me on Ignore.
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Old Sep 10, 2023 at 01:20 AM
  #363
 
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Originally Posted by Arbie View Post
Sometimes I feel like the whole world has me on Ignore.
Honestly, i didnt know how to take your posts about how to start a fight. They kinda put me off. But now you are starting to share more, and i am understanding and hearing you more.
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Old Sep 11, 2023 at 06:40 PM
  #364
 
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Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
Sorry. My apologises. I didnít express myself well. It wasnít a piece of advise. It was only a wish.
I know itís hard. No way I was going to tell you that next day would be better. It was only a wish.
Kind of encouragement but Iím aware thereís no word that make you feel better. I know it.
It was encouragement to me

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Old Sep 11, 2023 at 06:42 PM
  #365
 
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Originally Posted by 3rd rock View Post
The only reason I haven't killed myself is my hope to avoid hurting my mother. As soon as she is dead. I will have no reason to avoid taking my own life. I estimate 30 years.
I completely understand because Iíve been there myself. I lost my brother in law to suicide and watched two of my brothers attempt. It will matter if you arenít here anymore.

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Rose76
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Old Sep 11, 2023 at 09:09 PM
  #366
 
I'm still doing well. I almost took a nose dive earlier, but I pulled out of it. I've been cooking good meals and keeping my place neat and tidy. That's half the battle.
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Old Sep 11, 2023 at 09:46 PM
  #367
 
Today Iím doing okay but yesterday I unintentionally saw something that triggered my tokophobia (fear of pregnancy/childbirth) and now Iím really, really wishing that fb had a filtering system so thereíd be less chance of it happening again.

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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 03:28 AM
  #368
 
struggling to find anything good about today, honestly

it's not even because I've had no sleep, but it's because once again, for the 50th million day in a row, I am doing absolutely nothing with my life

I feel like I'm stuck in the movie groundhog day and it's not a very nice version of it
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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 06:19 AM
  #369
 
I just got out of the hospital and it's confirmed I have depression and a personality disorder. I'm just happy to have a name to put to my struggles. They put me on medication and it's helping some. But I feel weird being home now. Have to feed myself, remember to take my meds on my own, structure my days by myself, so on and so forth. And there's no magic lorazepam injection if I have a meltdown. They didn't even give me the pills because they don't trust me with benzodiazepines. I'm "as safe as I'll ever be" (as the doctor put it, she thinks I will always and forever be a risk to myself and others so it'd be pointless to keep me in the hospital until I'm "safe").I still feel like a turd. I know it's going to take a lot more than one hospitalization to fix depression and BPD, but at least I'm starting to get real help.

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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 06:51 AM
  #370
 
Started the day early. Took a shower! Came downstairs and took my psych meds and put some topical pain cream on my knee. Having a Gatorade now then some java and breakfast later. Going to listen to some spotify and read a while. My mood is okay but I'm a little agitated from my pain. I'll be using some coping techniques to deal. Not feeling terribly depressed or hypomanic.

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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 08:07 AM
  #371
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
I'm still doing well. I almost took a nose dive earlier, but I pulled out of it. I've been cooking good meals and keeping my place neat and tidy. That's half the battle.
So good, Rose. 😀 Iím happy for you. You DO it, you especially DO it possible. 👏👏👏

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Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 08:10 AM
  #372
 
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Originally Posted by emily1890 View Post
struggling to find anything good about today, honestly

it's not even because I've had no sleep, but it's because once again, for the 50th million day in a row, I am doing absolutely nothing with my life

I feel like I'm stuck in the movie groundhog day and it's not a very nice version of it
Maybe you need that time. Another different thing is if you can afford it but definitely you need it to take strength to give steps forward. Do you see it as I do, as well?

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Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 08:14 AM
  #373
 
I've had entire weeks go by like "Groundhog Day" I can relate. I try to break up my routine a bit after doing my morning basics. I'll listen to music, read, color, avoid news or anything that will affect my mood. I avoid social media also. I read affirmations too. It's hard but a little at a time. Hope you feel better. All the best!

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"Do or Do Not. There is No Try"
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Meds: Zoloft, Latuda, Gabapentin & Depakote.
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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 08:15 AM
  #374
 
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Originally Posted by iscreamparty View Post
I just got out of the hospital and it's confirmed I have depression and a personality disorder. I'm just happy to have a name to put to my struggles. They put me on medication and it's helping some. But I feel weird being home now. Have to feed myself, remember to take my meds on my own, structure my days by myself, so on and so forth. And there's no magic lorazepam injection if I have a meltdown. They didn't even give me the pills because they don't trust me with benzodiazepines. I'm "as safe as I'll ever be" (as the doctor put it, she thinks I will always and forever be a risk to myself and others so it'd be pointless to keep me in the hospital until I'm "safe").I still feel like a turd. I know it's going to take a lot more than one hospitalization to fix depression and BPD, but at least I'm starting to get real help.
And what about therapy to fight your BDP disorder? Do they have a plan? I agree with you. Itís not relevant if Iím agree or not, but itís a relief for many people to have a proper diagnosis.

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Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 08:18 AM
  #375
 
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Originally Posted by Jedi67 View Post
I've had entire weeks go by like "Groundhog Day" I can relate. I try to break up my routine a bit after doing my morning basics. I'll listen to music, read, color, avoid news or anything that will affect my mood. I avoid social media also. I read affirmations too. It's hard but a little at a time. Hope you feel better. All the best!
Avoid news is sane and smart. 👍

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Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 08:23 AM
  #376
 
Iím pretty well and hopeful. I learnt so many techniques from my psychologists that now that Iím at my worst, Iím coping pretty well.
I donít want to express here the hard times Iím going through now because I know some people is going also through hard times and are very sensitive.
But, letís leave it in me not having the best moments, just as my avatar shows.

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Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 11:15 AM
  #377
 
So far so good. Could do with more coffee, though.

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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 12:57 PM
  #378
 
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Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
And what about therapy to fight your BDP disorder? Do they have a plan? I agree with you. Itís not relevant if Iím agree or not, but itís a relief for many people to have a proper diagnosis.
I'm doing a PHP starting tomorrow and I'm on a waiting list for a DBT group which could start in two weeks or two years... I do have an individual therapist that knows DBT too so while I'm not doing the group I'll be doing it with her.

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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 01:00 PM
  #379
 
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Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
Iím pretty well and hopeful. I learnt so many techniques from my psychologists that now that Iím at my worst, Iím coping pretty well.
I donít want to express here the hard times Iím going through now because I know some people is going also through hard times and are very sensitive.
But, letís leave it in me not having the best moments, just as my avatar shows.
I hope your not so best moments end soon. Glad to hear you're coping well!

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Old Sep 12, 2023 at 01:08 PM
  #380
 
Still not quite awake but I sort of abandoned my coffee so thatís on me.

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