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Buffy01
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Unhappy Jun 06, 2023 at 01:33 PM
  #21
I feel really awful

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Jun 06, 2023 at 02:26 PM
  #22
I'm better today than yesterday. My big challenge now is to get myself out of the house. Doing so goes a long way toward keeping me from falling into a depressive trough. I feel fatigued and tempted to take a nap. I have to fight that, but it's hard.
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Default Jun 06, 2023 at 03:17 PM
  #23
I don't feel well! I am tired of it all, but will of course try to cope as best I can ...

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Default Jun 07, 2023 at 05:56 PM
  #24
I feel awful. I been this way for hours.

If I could just leave the house for a while. That helped me yesterday.

I can't manage to find somewhere to belong. I need someone to talk to.
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Default Jun 07, 2023 at 06:28 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
I need someone to talk to.

(((( Rose 76 ))))

I am in chat now, if you want to join me.
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Default Jun 07, 2023 at 07:02 PM
  #26
Thank you. I don't know how to get into chat on my phone.

I'm going to bed because I feel so low.
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Default Jun 07, 2023 at 07:07 PM
  #27
i'm feeling ignored today
not necessarily on here, I actually mean on my social media account,
but it could be here too. I realize not many people read my blog posts

i'm feeling really depressed today. I'm feeling really sad
about the fact that certain things in life I'll never have or never
achieve, because I'm a loser.
I feel stupid. I get easily frustrated and lose sight of goals...
that is, if i even have goals in the first place. Everything seems so like
i don't even know.
I'll shut up now. Not like anyone wants to hear me speak anyway.

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Celexa (Citalopram) 20mg
Levothyroxine .75mg
Liothyronine 5MCG (2x daily)
Probiotics
And a whole slew of vitamin and herbal supplements.
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Default Jun 07, 2023 at 10:22 PM
  #28
It was an alright day but the last couple of hours in the afternoon wasn't. I came across couple of people at the apartment where I live that I preferred not to see because I'm not on good terms with them. It's painful to live in a place and have people who are not likable; and I'm sure they feel the same way about me.
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Default Jun 07, 2023 at 10:48 PM
  #29
I've been a renter all my adult life. I dread having any falling out with neighbors. Recently I got upset when a neighbor's pitbull puppy came after me. It looks like an adult dog. Now I offer it training treats to this dog when I encounter him. I got the owner's permission. Now the owner of the dog and I are friendly.

Today I was down since 1 p.m. I was very down, weepy and blue. I tell myself that this will blow over. I might be better tomorrow.

Now if I can sleep, that will be great.
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Default Jun 09, 2023 at 04:50 AM
  #30
I donít know what Iím feeling, but thereís a lot more of it than I have the ability to deal with right now.

I hope I can sleep some of it off.

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Default Jun 09, 2023 at 08:27 AM
  #31
Last evening I took a repeat dose of my amitriptyline. It helped even better than I had hoped for. I normally take one 50 mg tablet every evening. Yesterday, I took one an hour early. Then, several hours later, I took a second one.

I got two benefits. I was able to sleep much better. Secondly, I've woken up feeling less depressed.

If I want to be able to do that for a while, I'm going to need to get a psych consult. My primary, who is a P.A., doesn't want to increase my intake of amitriptyline on her own, unless it's just by 10 mg per evening.

Two months ago, I talked with my P.A. about me needing a psych consult, but she didn't follow through on it. I hate going over to the psych department, so I didn't push her on it. I don't bring up my problem with depression much, so I don't think she takes it seriously.

Lately, it's gotten a lot more serious. Usually, I figure there's nothing doctors can do to help, so I don't bring it up. In past years, I was seeing psychiatrists and got put on a crap-load of psychotropic drugs. That didn't help.
I did therapy for years, which also was fruitless. So I completely lost intetest in being seen at the psych hospital. I hate the place. But to increase my daily dose of amitriptyline, I am probably going to have to go there. For days, I've had recurring thoughts that I wish I were dead, but no actual intentions of self-harming.
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Unhappy Jun 09, 2023 at 12:32 PM
  #32
I been journaling all of my emotional boo boos

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Jun 09, 2023 at 03:56 PM
  #33
Calmer today, but still sad. Feel very uninterested in doing anything. Even the simplest thing.
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Default Jun 09, 2023 at 09:59 PM
  #34
Itís the weekend. Iím not ready even though I have Pluto to take the edge off.

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Default Jun 10, 2023 at 03:39 AM
  #35
Here I am awake in the middle of the night. I slept maybe 2 hours.

I want to tell my sisters that I'm very depressed. That would be a mistake.

This is the worst I've been in 3 years.
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Default Jun 10, 2023 at 02:47 PM
  #36
Woke up in physical pain. Thatís nothing new, but I wish I could wake up without it for once.

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Unhappy Jun 10, 2023 at 03:36 PM
  #37
Iím fighting my negative thoughts

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Jun 10, 2023 at 05:01 PM
  #38
I feel like I have no future and should give serious thought to ending my life. But I'm not in any danger of self-harm right now.
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Default Jun 10, 2023 at 05:24 PM
  #39
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Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
I feel like I have no future and should give serious thought to ending my life. But I'm not in any danger of self-harm right now.

Come to talk, here, on chat... or call a helpline. You shouldn't be alone right now...
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Default Jun 11, 2023 at 04:55 AM
  #40
I didn't sleep well last night. I had a stress dream.... the type that follows you around in the morning and makes you doubt yourself.
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