[hiddenaway]

Today I'm mostly content. Could do with more coffee though.

[Buffy01]

having a disability :eek is causing me to feel down and depressed because of my my limitations that trigger me to

[will19]

I'm feeling depressed again today. I don't know why I can't be really happy. It seems like people in general "out there" are grumpy and not nice. It has an effect on me. I went to the grocery store and got a woman to check out my items. She wasn't with it and was on the grumpy side. At that store, most checkers are nice but not her. Before going to her, I sensed that she didn't look happy. There's one older man who is a checker whom I like a lot, but he wasn't there. He's slow at checking through the items and bagging (though I do the bagging myself and prefer it that way) but he's always nice and helpful. I noticed that, lots of times, it seems like everyone goes to him instead of the others when checking out.

It would be nice if I can get a compliment or have someone do something nice for me just once. That seems to be hard to come by. Also I'm feeling bad about the fight I had with my friend three days ago. It looks like he and I may not come back together this time.

[3rd rock]

I spoke to my nursing practitioner on Friday in the morning. She wants to see me next Friday. I have to get the bloodwork repeated sometime towards the end of October, because there were several anomalous readings. I know why this is the case;' it's because I've been drinking again for 7 months after more than 8 years of sobriety. My liver functions are degraded, very bad. Other than that, I've had a good week. I had no meetings with the HR representative from hell, in my capacity as shop steward for my union. I'm thankful for that, as meeting with him provokes extreme anxiety in me. I was able to stay sober for the whole work week, until Friday evening when I began to drink again. I drink because it makes me feel good when I do it, even if the withdrawal symptoms on Monday are absolute hell. I'm concerned for my health moving forward, but not too concerned. I only have to stay alive until my mother dies, after that I'm free to die by whatever means happens. Of course, my mother likely has another 20-30 years until her death, so I have to make it through that length of time. It's going to be an arduous task, but after she dies I'm free to die myself. I don't want to hurt her which is why I can't die until after she dies by natural causes.

[Rose76]

I'm still doing alright. I talk to ghosts a lot.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm still doing alright. I talk to ghosts a lot.

Talk to ghosts? Is it a saying in English I don’t know?

[will19]

I was busy this morning with housework, more busy than I thought I would be. I was happy with myself to get some things done that I kind of dreaded doing: and thought I would do these things in the distant future instead.

I'm feeling down this afternoon and it feels like I'm in the twilight zone. It looks like my friend and I are going to be done with for good. The last time I wrote to him, I said some things I felt like I shouldn't have said. Afterwards he indicated that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. It's fine with me, except it hurts that he was the only local friend I had and not a good quality one.

I called my sister in the early afternoon but her phone kept on ringing and no chance leaving a message. I don't know what happened. Yesterday, my friend from my college days called. It was nice talking to him but it seems like he's not "all there" mentally. He's not the same guy as he used to be.

[hiddenaway]

I'm tired enough to sleep but at the same time, I'm too awake to.

[Albatross2008]

Had a good work week. Now building up for another one.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Talk to ghosts? Is it a saying in English I don’t know?

No, it's not. I didn't mean to be so cryptic. I meant it literally. Many of those dearest to me have passed away. I find myself imagining they can hear my thoughts. I say things to them, silently, in my head. I imagine I'm with them, being heard by them.

I think this shows me to be a little kooky. But, then, I see people on Facebook often talking to their departed parents. They post notes to their deceased mother or father, telling them how grateful they are for the way they were reared and how much they miss them. I'm no crazier than them. I really don't get why people post these notes on Facebook. They want an audience to behold how devoted they are. It seems kind of show-offy to me.

Facebook annoys me. Mothers, nowadays, post notes to their adult children, telling them how wonderful they are. They list their many splendid virtues, which always include "how caring" the son or daughter has turned out to be . . . how "amazing" they are. Again, they want an audience to hear what paragons of goodness their children are. I think parents, today, are afraid their children won't love them, unless they flatter them constantly and publicly profess loving them "to the moon and back." It gets on my nerves. Everyone claims to be so "blessed." Sounds phoney and forced. I know I'm a crank. Crazy, too. But . . . there's a lot of crazy going around.

[Buffy01]

I’m feeling awful because of how my brother treated me

[Albatross2008]

Having a sense of sadness and gloominess, no particular reason.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Rose76

No, it's not. I didn't mean to be so cryptic. I meant it literally. Many of those dearest to me have passed away. I find myself imagining they can hear my thoughts. I say things to them, silently, in my head. I imagine I'm with them, being heard by them.

I think this shows me to be a little kooky. But, then, I see people on Facebook often talking to their departed parents. They post notes to their deceased mother or father, telling them how grateful they are for the way they were reared and how much they miss them. I'm no crazier than them. I really don't get why people post these notes on Facebook. They want an audience to behold how devoted they are. It seems kind of show-offy to me.

Facebook annoys me. Mothers, nowadays, post notes to their adult children, telling them how wonderful they are. They list their many splendid virtues, which always include "how caring" the son or daughter has turned out to be . . . how "amazing" they are. Again, they want an audience to hear what paragons of goodness their children are. I think parents, today, are afraid their children won't love them, unless they flatter them constantly and publicly profess loving them "to the moon and back." It gets on my nerves. Everyone claims to be so "blessed." Sounds phoney and forced. I know I'm a crank. Crazy, too. But . . . there's a lot of crazy going around.

No, it’s ok. I was just confused.
I first thought you were writing in a figurative mode and I was not sure what you meant with ghosts. That’s why I asked. I thought maybe you were referring with ghosts to your bad memories about an event or trauma.

I agree with you. I also talk to my loved ones who aren’t with me anymore, in private.
I don’t understand either this exhibitionism people have with their privacy nowadays with all that stuff of social webs. It seems as if you don’t make public something, it doesn’t exist.
I don’t even have Facebook so you can guess.

I only write here and it’s because I have psychological issues, a common thing with the most part of people here.

[AzulOscuro]

I’m just coping. But, reading how other people who write here have struggles so serious I’d rather put up with that and be grateful.

I miss a lot my little doggie. He had a long and good life with us, so this is a consolation for me but I remember him every single day.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

No, it’s ok. I was just confused.
I first thought you were writing in a figurative mode and I was not sure what you meant with ghosts. That’s why I asked. I thought maybe you were referring with ghosts to your bad memories about an event or trauma.

I agree with you. I also talk to my loved ones who aren’t with me anymore, in private.
I don’t understand either this exhibitionism people have with their privacy nowadays with all that stuff of social webs. It seems as if you don’t make public something, it doesn’t exist.
I don’t even have Facebook so you can guess.

I only write here and it’s because I have psychological issues, a common thing with the most part of people here.

Wow, I didn't think anyone would relate to my views. But it seems you do. "Exhibitionism" is an apt term to apply to this behavior.

Yes, we reveal a lot that is private on these Forums, but this is a fellowship of persons struggling to manage psych challenges. We mutually confide our vulnerabilities and encourage each other in our struggles. This seems more honest. We confess our failings. On Facebook, I see a lot of self-congratulatory stuff along the lines of "Look how great my life is!" (My parents were extraordinary. My kids are extraordinary. My spouse is extraordinary. I'm living an exceptional life. Check out the beautiful dinner I've cooked. Look at the great restaurants where I've dined. Look where I went yesterday. Look what I did 5 minutes ago.) (Who gives a ----?)

[will19]

I was going to post on here yesterday but I was too busy. I had a lot going on. Yesterday morning I went to the Lab for blood work. And I did some light shopping after that.

A couple of things happened later that were not nice. After I got in the elevator with my bike, on the way down a guy, who I got into a fight with a few months ago came in. I was shocked because I had checked out the floor below me and there was no sign of him. In the evening I got my results from the Lab. It was mostly good except for one item that was not an improvement. It's happened before. And then I didn't sleep well last night because I constantly blowing my nose with some kind of allergy.

I hope today will be better. Things haven't been going great lately. I feel just like a song title - " I Sure Could Use A Little Good News Today" by Anne Murray.

[Rose76]

Slept pretty good last night, which helped me get busy this morning. I got stuff done and feel tired now. Weather has really cooled off.

[Violetta75]

Having a hard time getting enough sleep lately. There's lots I could dwell on and be depressed about but I wont. It wont change a thing. It's finally calm around here. This is the only place I can say this, my landlord has been through 4 or 5 women in as many months. He told me tonight this last one, he is done with her too. Thankfully that means peace and quiet through the night and not unexpected drop overs and being woken up at 3 am by her noise. I'm glad I'm old and past the stage of trying to find a partner.... no thanks. Last one was enough. I wonder how someone has so much stamina to keep trying to find a life partner.

@Rose76 I have facebook and agree, it's an obvious highlight reel of people's lives. The truth isn't shown. Everyone has a crap day now and then, you won't see that on FB. I keep it to see my sons lives, they rarely post but if it's an outing or event, there's pics I wouldn't see. Also I use it to message people, you can reach other countries. Otherwise, I'd delete it. I'm guilty of doing the ''I miss you Dad'' post a year after he died. I didn't post about my mom, so because of never letting people know they are both gone, I put up a picture of them. Otherwise I get tired of hearing the ''happy birthday in heavens'', the barage of food and vacay pics too.

[AzulOscuro]

I’m feeling a little better. I even replied to my friends and relatives’ messages. I haven’t done it these days. I didn’t have the energy to do it. My little baby doggie is still too much present.
I have even send voice audios. In Spanish but also in English lol! My small web of contacts is international 😀 I rock lol! I’m kidding in this last. 😀

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Wow, I didn't think anyone would relate to my views. But it seems you do. "Exhibitionism" is an apt term to apply to this behavior.

Yes, we reveal a lot that is private on these Forums, but this is a fellowship of persons struggling to manage psych challenges. We mutually confide our vulnerabilities and encourage each other in our struggles. This seems more honest. We confess our failings. On Facebook, I see a lot of self-congratulatory stuff along the lines of "Look how great my life is!" (My parents were extraordinary. My kids are extraordinary. My spouse is extraordinary. I'm living an exceptional life. Check out the beautiful dinner I've cooked. Look at the great restaurants where I've dined. Look where I went yesterday. Look what I did 5 minutes ago.) (Who gives a ----?)

Rose, of course I think the same as you. Many people do. I don’t care about what others do with their private life. I only care about people and what they want to share with me, not with the whole world.
But, it became a habit in many people’s lives. I can’t understand what they get from that. Each relation is particular, singular and unique and it kind of lose value when you put it under the spotlight.
I’m not gonna share my life with the entire world because it’s noone business other than my close circle and because I’m just a normal person.

Private life is always private, even famous people have this right.