Yesterday was a dull day and so is today. Today is a Federal Holiday, so it's like having Sunday extended. Sunday is my least favorite day of the week because it's too dull. I have an errand to do. I could have done it today but I didn't feel like it because it's a holiday and the stores tend to be crowded. I hate crowds. So I'll do that errand tomorrow.

Been feeling depressed because of the dullness. I guess I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm still having some anxiety about wanting to leave where I live.

[3rd rock]

I feel like I'm dying.

[Rose76]

I'm having a hard time making the changes I need to make. I'm still staying alone most of the time. The weather is getting warmer, which gives me more interest in getting out of my apartment. But I lie around too late. I know I need to schedule things to do that get me involved in the world around me. I keep telling myself to do that, but everyday I have some excuse for not leaving the house.

I'm not as depressed as I was, but I will get very depressed again, if I don't make some moves in the right direction. It might help me to have a therapist, but getting one is hard in my healthcare system. The providers at my clinic never take me seriously when I mention depression. People always think I'm just fine. I act like I'm just fine. In many ways I am. I wish others could see past my surface.

[hiddenaway]

I didn't sleep well at all last night. I just couldn't get to sleep for whatever reason.

[Rose76]

I'm not doing good at all. Right now I want to lie down. I want to sleep, even though I had enough sleep during the night. I just feel sleepy again. Someday I'll fall asleep permanently. That's the main thing I look forward to.

Another dull day, but I was pretty busy early this morning. I was very happy with the shopping I did. After that I went to the bank for just a simple transaction. Other than those two things, not much. No bike riding today because of rain. I'm feeling rather sleepy today. I guess the rainy days can make me feel that way.

[3rd rock]

I wanted to get an appointment to try and get the paperwork done to justify medical leave this week, but my medical provider was not available. Instead, I had to get in to see her next week, which will necessitate booking the day off from work. It's not optimal, but it's better than nothing I suppose.

[Violetta75]

I've had a pretty good day. A bit emotional but it's ok. I'm decreasing the antidepressants, I need to. I might not sleep as well but it's probably worth it. Instead I keep going until I'm exhausted.

[hiddenaway]

I'm so tired I could cry...but I don't want to seem weak either.

[Rose76]

I had miserable anxiety last evening. Bad anxiety for me is unusual. But, when I get it, it's way worse than depression. I'm okay this morning, but I'm scared of that anxiety coming back.

[Rose76]

My furnace refused to come on all morning. The weather is mild, so my apartment has been between 64°F and 68°F, which is tolerable. The trouble is that I'm rather depressed, which makes getting out of bed hard. It's so much harder to get up, when my apartment is chilly. So I stayed reading in bed all day.

Yesterday, I told my landlady that my furnace is getting quirky. I think I'll have to call her tomorrow to say the problem is more serious. She's good about getting things fixed. But I just wish this wasn't happening right now

By staying late in bed, I never got out of the house today. That makes depression worse. I'm not doing well mentally. I think about telling my primary doctor that I need help. But I don't know what anyone can do to help me. Plus, I dread being referred to the psych department of my healthcare system. I've been to them in the past. That place is awful. To even walk into their building requires getting my purse examined and me wanded by security. It is nothing like going to a private psychiatrist or an independent therapist, which I used to be able to afford. I'm starting to wish I could die.

I did the laundry early this morning. It started off good but it got ruined at the end by a fellow neighbor. Hurray for neighbors at where I live!

My friend had two doctor appointments this morning at the same medical office complex. I texted him this morning and sent him an email later on. After my bike ride late this afternoon, I got a message from his wife saying that he passed out at one of his appointments and was taken to hospital. She says he's OK and will probably come home tomorrow. No specific details as to what happened. That was a disappointment for me.

I haven't heard anything from my sister in quite a while. What happened to my friend this morning reminded me of what happened with her last December. The last time I spoke with her, she didn't sounded like she's well. I'd like to call but I have a fear of rejection. I get that all of the time when I call her either when times good times or bad. I guess my family has just disintegrated. It's gotten to the point now that I don't care anymore, but it's still sad. There's not much I can do to make it better; and I've tried.

[Rose76]

Still depressed. Furnace won't come on today. I see my doctor tomorrow. He better come up with a plan to get me some help. I'm not going to be brushed off. I better stay calm and just advocate effectively for myself.

I felt extremely down yesterday. When I cleaned my place, I got a sore lower back. It's happened before. After cleaning I felt bad as there were no contacts from anyone either by phone or email. I watched a movie last night that was good, but I felt like I couldn't get into it because I felt so down.

Early this morning around 4:30 AM I got mad when I woke up and it sounded like someone in the next unit was taking a shower; and the noise of running water through the pipe(s) was loud, which woke me up. That happens at times. I can't fault the person taking a shower, but it made a lot of noise for me. I got so mad that it made me want to leave my place. I've been feeling that way for a while, but more so now.

In the morning I made my spaghetti sauce. I felt tired and depressed while doing it. I've felt better in the past making my sauce. Just not as much today. But as today progressed, I felt better. I've been in contact with my friend and he's fully recovered after passing out at the doctor's office last Thursday. He came by my place briefly to give me some candles; and that was very nice of him.

[Buffy01]

I’ve been feeling really bad because I had unintentionally upset my next door grouphug: neighbors and older brother who really hurt my feelings

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I'm hurting deeply. I'm ruminating and I'm very stressed.

I’m I do the same thing myself

[Rose76]

Doctor wasn't much help today. I feel like I am going downhill.

[Rose76]

This is the worst I've been in over 3 years. Feel so miserable.

[hiddenaway]

I haven't been sleeping well. Couldn't tell you why; just that I'm tired beyond belief and coffee is only doing so much.

[emily1890]

I had a hard time yesterday. I've finally convinced myself (and I think some others) that my memory is definitely failing. I was in tears yesterday when I got a question on a quiz that I knew for years, and I just didn't know it.. it wasn't even the fact I was under pressure, my mind was blank about it

abuse memories are strong lately,, and self image issues.. well worst they've ever been for ages, I also have no idea about the future- but then I've never had any idea about the future