[Deejay14]

Do not give up Rose!!! Set a goal for tomorrow...maybe a small goal of just doing one minute of vaccing and putting it away so you don't trip

[will19]

My laptop is not working and it's got me depressed. There are times when it works but only briefly after I turn it off and on a few times. It gives me false hopes at times. I plan on getting another one.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Deejay14

Do not give up Rose!!! Set a goal for tomorrow...maybe a small goal of just doing one minute of vaccing and putting it away so you don't trip

Thank you for the encouragement. I should try what you suggest.

[Rose76]

Sunday and Monday have been good days. I got stuff done. Large amount of laundry done. I'm back in the groove. Tomorrow morning will challenge me. All mornings do. I find it hard to get out of bed.

[LadyShadow]

Congratulations @Rose76 - remember to celebrate your victories when they come, doing a lot of laundry is a big one

I am definitely "Up" today even though I wonder where my husband is. I am starting to get over things slowly, but the heartbreak is a real thing. I am trying not to fall into the "If only" way of thinking.

[3rd rock]

I really need someone to talk to but I don't have anyone.

[Rose76]

Today is my third day of not doing good. In two weeks, I see the psychologist again. I don't want to have to tell him I'm not getting better. We made a good plan . . . that I would find somewhere to go everyday and not stay vegetating in my apartment. I've stayed in pajamas the past two days.

It occurs to me now that 5 weeks between visits is kind of a long time. I think the psychiatrist didn't take me as seriously as he might have. He said something about how I could email him. I don't really know what he meant by that.

I didn't go to Yoga this week, like I had planned. This psychologist is probably going to say that he can't help me because I didn't stick to the plan.

I'm not really despondent today. Just horribly apathetic.

[LadyShadow]

It's hard not to beat yourself up @Rose76 when you already feel like you messed up. Be gentle with yourself for not sticking to the plans. Plans change all the time, and sometimes it's tough to stick to them.

My way of getting myself up and going is setting alarms, I set several during the day for all kinds of things. It gives me the motivation to get going. I know you came up with a plan with your psychiatrist, but you can also draw up one for yourself, that you'll be able to stick to.

This is a process. I spent almost 20 years living in my parent's house just existing. I never realized that I wasn't even living. Coming out of it took something very dramatic for me, but for you, it's about pulling yourself out of the darkness by achieving one small milestone a day that lead to bigger ones.

[will19]

Feeling depressed now. Last week things seemed to be picking up a little bit and I was feeling pretty good. But it all plunged downwards. The good things from last week went down and so has my life's routine.

It always seems that way. Good times don't last long, but bad feelings lingers on for a good while.

[LadyShadow]

A mix of emotions. I feel really good because I am so grateful to be here spending time with my parents, but at the same time, my mind wanders on my husband. I know he will be hard to forget, and I will always love him, but I am just so mad that he just didn't do the right thing. I can't change people, I know that, but he really would have had it made with me.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip:

It always seems that way. Good times don't last long, but bad feelings lingers on for a good while.

It feels that way for me too. It reminds me of a saying “All good things must come to an end.” Why? Why can’t the bad things stop? I don’t listen to much news since it’s one grim headline after another.

———
Posted directly on site using iPhone

[3rd rock]

I am a liar and a fraud. I had intended to go to this meeting tonight (AA). So I got in my truck and drove there, parking halfway down the block. And then I got out of my truck and started walking towards the church, but as I approached I just saw a huge crowd standing outside the church waiting for the meeting to get started, smoking their cigarettes and drinking their coffee. There must've been dozens of people. So I freaked out and started panicking at the sight of such a huge crowd of people I didn't know. Of course, I only panicked internally; outwardly I just looked like some guy going for an evening walk. I was freaking out so much that I couldn't bring myself to go up to the crowd, so I just kept walking. I walked around the block, then got back in my truck and drove away. I hate myself for being unable to force myself to seek out the support of a group of sober people. And it's got me feeling hopeless and depressed right now. I don't know what I'm going to do. I still haven't calmed down from the sheer panic of it all.

[Samantha Atkinson]

I'm a bit better than these past few days. I'm trying to be okay.

[Rose76]

@LadyShadow - wise words above. Enjoy your visit with the folks.


I've been doing pretty good the past few days. What a relief. Doing yardwork really gives me a lift. I've been caring for some rose bushes that are much improved. It's nice to be outdoors again.

[Buffy01]

I have been trying to figure out what is causing me to feel depressed

[LadyShadow]

Need time to heal and process all these emotions. Feeling really good today, got all dressed up and going to face the day. Thank you for the encouragement @Rose76 I am really glad to hear you've been having a good couple of days, remember to celebrate the small victories, (and big ones too) - you're definitely worth it!

[Rose76]

I am doing well over the past few days. Getting stuff done. Hope this state of mind lasts for awhile.

[LadyShadow]

Feeling ups and downs. Tried to have a "goodbye" conversation with my ex, what a mistake that was. He turned around and insisted I was sleeping with someone else. I should have known better, this is just pointless.

[Rose76]

Tired. No ambition today.

[will19]

I cleaned this morning. I always feel depressed while awake in bed before breakfast. After breakfast I feel better; but throughout the time I have my little ups and downs. A lot of times the depression comes from thinking about the future and how I think it will go downhill.

I felt bad a little bit this morning when I talked to my friend by phone. He called me this morning around 8:30. I always want to get going on the cleaning by 9. He was going to a memorial service at 1:00 this afternoon. The part I felt bad about was when I said, "I hate those memorial services", which means that I'd rather talk to him in the afternoon so that I can watch a movie tonight. I felt bad because a woman had passed away and I felt insensitive, but she was 101 years old. I don't think he took it too badly because she just a casual acquaintance whom he hardly knew.

Nothing much else to report about.