Medication isn’t working. Am I doomed to being secerly depressed forever?

So sorry things didn't work out with your 'therapist'... sounds like she was really inexperienced and it's sad that she's turned you off looking for other help.

I've been on the end of poor therapeutic care and it does leave a bad taste in your mouth. I can commiserate.

A friend told me, 20% of therapists are excellent, 60% ok, and 20% not good at all. Keep looking and keep trying to find someone who clicks with you and can genuinely help, not judge.

There are online support groups you can connect to here:

HeyPeers - Where Peers and Support Groups Connect

and

DBSA - Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

Also, I don't know whether you would consider yourself 'codependent' but there is CoDA Codependents Anonymous and there are online meetings, as well.

Jesyka, you need to know what you are taking, what you took in the past, in what dosages, and how you felt and what side effects you experienced. I suggest you track in a Google Sheet. Google Sheets are free. You can learn to use them with online tutorials and free YouTube videos which you can pause and rewind as many times as you need, learning at your own pace. You can later transfer what you learn to pick up Excel skills as the two programs are very similar. You wrote that you often run into situations when you lack Excel skills to qualify for a job.

You post a lot, write a lot with expansive vocabulary, and obviously like computers and online world. I think you underestimate your ability to learn computer skills. You can actually be good at it and enjoy the process of skill acquisition. You will kill two birds at once, getting a handle on your meds and reactions to them and ramping up on Google Sheets.

It is clear that an office job, such as a receptionist, would be better for you than a retail job. For to qualify for an office job you need to pick up computer productivity skills.

You need a psychiatrist who’ll track your dosage and monitor side effects and try something else if one medication isn’t working. Without psychiatrist I am not sure what could be done

that is my understanding. Jesyka has a free psychiatrist. I do not know if it is through the county.

My dosage is being tracked with what II’m currently taking. I lost track of what I took in the past.

I’ll look into learning Excel on my own. It’ll take a long time before I can become proficient enough to get hired at any office job though.