[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

I am really looking forward to this weekend. Nothing going on and I'm normally not to crazy about weekends. But this time I am hoping it will be good. This has been "hell" week for me. All kinds of construction noises that seem to be in every direction close by.

The demolition work began across the street and now they're finishing breaking up the foundation, which involves the use of jackhammers. There are periods in the days when it would be very noisy (which I have a very low tolerance for since I'm a HSP) and then quiet. Fortunately it's cool outside so I have my windows closed and muffle out the sounds when I can. But I'd rather not have all of this.

And now there's remodeling work going on at the apartment unit below me. That seems to be worse than the work across the street. Lots of pounding and some power tools being used. And then there's a big house nearby that's being remodeled and making a lot of noise.

I hope there won't be work being done on this three-day weekend. I really need a break from all of this!

I'm not crazy about weekends either, because our media presents it as party time for everyone. Since so many businesses require weekends, it's not time off for everyone. Yet they are still stuck in that mode of thinking. The extra day is torture, so I'll visit someone at the cemetery since I don't have anyone alive to see. I'm glad they are open and traffic should be light at least.

Around here they don't do construction on holidays or holiday weekends, even Saturdays when they normally would. This is why I try to do stuff on Sundays, such as grocery shopping, since that's the only day they don't work. Roadwork is off too. Thank goodness maintenance guys in my building aren't around either, as they work 7 days a week when there's a vacancy (of which we have about every 2 months). But they might be here briefly this morning, as I just saw the gate near the tool shed open. Hope they leave.

I'm also HSP! I didn't know there was such a thing until recently. I hope my upstairs neighbors' guests leave soon. It's been 2 weeks and it feels like 2 months. They are night people, messing up my sleep. And I hear EVERY footstep, every thing that gets dropped on the floor, every cabinet that opens and closes, etc. They have been up early, even before me, so I haven't been getting my quiet mornings for days now. It's also triggering for me, as I have no family left (sibling who threw me under the bus doesn't count) nor friends to visit ME. I keep telling myself it's normal to feel this way, to accept the feeling and not judge it.

Also had a hell week, but the highlights were finally getting my tax refund and getting a smog test for my car. I'm relieved it passed.

I find the sound of jackhammers unbearable, along with leaf blowers and chain saws. So many sounds that make me cover my ears......Makes me wish my hearing wasn't so good. People say "just ignore" the sounds.

[Rose76]

Now I really am depressed. I'm in bed and don't feel good. I'm not looking forward to visiting family.

[3rd rock]

Thank you all for your messages of support. It's hard to stay positive when I have no future to be hopeful. Even after I get off the psych ward and complete drug treatment, I will still have no hope for the future. I will still be stuck in the same crappy apartment and the same dead end job. I will still have no friends and effectively no family apart from my mother. I am too old and too far gone to make genuine change possible.

The psych ward is absolutely intolerable. It's not the cabin fever, it's the inconsistent enforcement of the rules that aggravates me. One nurse will tell me something's allowed, then three days later another nurse will tell me it's not. Earlier, nurses allowed me to keep outside food and drink in my room, but just tonight the nurse told me I have to leave it with them and ask every time I want some.

And the staff here have already lost at least one piece of property of mine—an asthma inhaler they confiscated for no reason when I arrived. I had an asthma attack the other day and I had to wait an hour and a half while they filled an emergency prescription from the hospital pharmacy. That's an hour and a half I could barely breathe. I haven't had an attack in many years because I keep my inhaler on me everywhere I go; as soon as symptoms manifest even slightly I take two puffs and it's fine. But no, can't do that here. They just have to take a simple salbutamol inhaler from me, even though you can't get high off it and no one would ever steal it.

This day has just barely got started as of now but I might as well put something in now. I'll be fairly busy later on with a little house work and making my spaghetti sauce. I make my sauce once a month. After cooking it, I break it up into four's, so that will last me a month.

Yesterday was a nice day and probably the nicest day I had in a while. To start off with, it was nice and quiet because no work was being done anywhere. I cleaned. After I cleaned my brother called and I had not heard from him in a good while. He and I were never close and I thought that he didn't care about me anymore. We had a nice chat.

To Nonightowl ---> Having to put up with loud noises is the worst for me. My hearing is so great that there are times when it's a curse to have it that way. I agree with you about the certain noises that get to you. The worst for me is tree cutting (using chainsaws, of course!) and even worse is the mulching afterwards. Being HSP can be so insane at times.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

snip: I am too old and too far gone to make genuine change possible.

One nurse will tell me something's allowed, then three days later another nurse will tell me it's not. Earlier, nurses allowed me to keep outside food and drink in my room, but just tonight the nurse told me I have to leave it with them and ask every time I want some.

May I ask how old you are? I don't like change and find just the thought of it daunting. I'm 62 but when I was much younger change didn't rattle me too much. I'd think "Oh we're doing it this way now? Well okay." Now it's "Why? What's wrong with the way it's done now?" Tomorrow I'm visiting a friend at the cemetery who hated change as well. I miss him.

Along the lines of different people saying different things, I experience that a lot especially with any "customer service" line, whether from the bank, my health care provider, even the building manager (we've had multiple ones over the years), etc. It's frustrating and I don't know who's right. I've even called a place, then call back minutes later because I know I'll get a different rep. And a different answer. I don't know if it's that they aren't trained well or what?

Originally Posted by will19

snip: I make my sauce once a month. After cooking it, I break it up into four's, so that will last me a month.

My hearing is so great that there are times when it's a curse to have it that way. I agree with you about the certain noises that get to you. The worst for me is tree cutting (using chainsaws, of course!) and even worse is the mulching afterwards. Being HSP can be so insane at times.

Boy you sure sound like me. Do you use one portion a week, if it lasts about a month? I make large quantities of things too, then freeze the extras. It saves me work, as all I have to do when ready to eat whatever is defrost. And reheat.

I got my hearing tested years ago and even then my doctor said "You can really hear." I can hear my upstairs neighbor approaching his apartment as soon as he walks down the walkways. I think "Oh no, here he comes."

Last night I was waiting for him to take his loud shower, but he didn't...I couldn't fall asleep for hours because I knew if I drifted off, the water would wake me up. I was thinking "C'mon. Take your shower.'

Later I'll try to grill some steaks hoping not to burn them this time. I'm also sick of hearing "Hope you're enjoying your holiday weekend with "family and friends" from the media. All these people are smiling and waiting in line at the airport. I'm listening to a classical music station with no commercials and no announcements about the LONG WEEKEND. So much stuff about people being with someone, yet I almost stepped on a homeless guy because when I was walking around the corner, it was a "blind corner". I didn't see him until I actually turned the corner. He's right in front of a luxury high-rise they built a few years back. It sure makes a statement, being under the "Now leasing" banner.

Knowing my sensitivity to sounds is just the way I was born is validating. I feel vindicated; I'm not in control of it anymore than I am of my eye color. I'm not being unreasonable or "too sensitive". I agree that hearing well isn't always a good thing. Repetitive sounds of any kind bother me like lawn mowers too. And loud noises at all.....such as fireworks. That crap is getting closer now that June is next week.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Thanks for understanding. Good luck with your Dracena. Sometimes I think the euonymus on my patio is my best friend. I raised it from a baby.

Thanks. When I see your username, I think of roses of course, which are my favorite. But since I don't get any sun, I couldn't grow them.

[Rose76]

I'm not feeling too good. Depressed. Sore. Worried.

[nonightowl]

I forgot to say Will, that I think about your posts and others I've seen on this site (and other sites) about noise, hating the holidays, "family", neighbors, etc. Then I know it's not just me and I feel less alone. Glad I decided to follow your thread since so many of what you say I can relate to. I even have cigarette smoke around here too, so I can hardly open my windows. The wind ALWAYS blows in my direction so it blows in here. Somebody is smoking on their balcony or maybe standing in the alley. (In spite of the "no smoking" signs on nearby complexes, right by the carports and alley, as well as our own no smoking policy)

I guess I have to reiterate and say that spring is the worst time of year for me. Even when nothing is going on or things are going well I still feel depression. Probably because most or all of the bad things that have happened in my life have happen in the spring. Something must be in the air to cause this.

As of now, I have finished what I need to have done. So I could go on "cruise control" for the rest of the day.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

I guess I have to reiterate and say that spring is the worst time of year for me. Even when nothing is going on or things are going well I still feel depression. Probably because most or all of the bad things that have happened in my life have happen in the spring.

As of now, I have finished what I need to have done. So I could go on "cruise control" for the rest of the day.

Same here. Seriously! We posted at the same time so I just saw this. I don't like the longer days as much as I did when younger.

I'm almost done with stuff; I hope the rest of the day is QUIET enough. BTW, these people that have a screaming kid and barking dog have been gone since the beginning of the month. It seems they went on some big trip, as they loaded a huge truck with luggage. I hope they move out. 3 adults, 2 kids (she just had another baby), and a dog all crowded into that two bedroom apartment. They are two units away so I get the brunt of the noise.

Originally Posted by VabGirl

I hope things work out. Try some noise cancelling headphones

I'm a bit late in replying to you, sorry. Do have noise cancelling headphones yourself? Does it work well?

[Buffy01]

I wish that I knew how to be happy

[nonightowl]

Well it seems I spoke too soon in saying there's no maintenance noise in this building on holidays. There IS when there's a effing vacancy. I saw a woman moving out yesterday or maybe Saturday. And this morning there's this loud noise echoing throughout the effing place. It was some guy using some kind of tool in the vacant unit. It's on the third floor and in the center yet I can hear it because it echoes.

They redo this freaking units over and over every time someone moves out. And they don't waste a second, being in a hurry to rent it and get that money. Hence, we can't catch a BREAK. Holidays mean nothing, it's lost income to them. So I usually dread the EOM since we seem to have a vacancy about every 2 months. And the noise will start, on the weekend or not. I just got home from a peaceful visit at the cemetery, and there was little traffic of course.

I then come home to noise, and the remodeling will start tomorrow at 8am sharp maybe earlier!

This place is a step above a tent now. That's the only thing good about it. Work, work, work. Noise, noise, noise.

Years ago someone said to stop banging my head on my head on here but there's no reason to stop. If the bs would stop even briefly....but it won't.

[nonightowl]

Now the garbage trucks are here. WTF? It's a HOLIDAY. The trash can wait ONE day. The sound of those trucks are unbearable to me; I cover my ears.

Thursday mornings are the worse: Guys with leaf blowers, lawn mowers, and garbage trucks come.....all at once.

[Rose76]

Today has gone a lot better because I got dressed and got out of the house. Shopped at Sam's Club. Picked up a Subway sandwich. I still keep getting teary-eyed over my brother. But spending days at home in my pajamas sure wasn't doing me any good. After I eat, I'll go to Walmart for birdseed. I managed to do a little gardening earlier, which helped me.

I woke up feeling dreadful for today with work that's supposed to be going on around me. There work was being done today but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Some noise but not very loud like last week.

Nothing much to report about for today. Just did some shopping this morning and that's about it. I feel a bit down but not terribly depressed like last week, so that's good.

[3rd rock]

This may sound like an odd complaint, but I believe the new psych meds I've been put on have killed my sex drive. In the interests of keeping it PG, I won't elaborate further.

I remain on the psych ward, as of today a voluntary patient. They tell me to expect transfer to another facility soon, a sort of halfway house, until I can get into treatment. The medical advice is not to go home at this time, not until completing treatment, so as to avoid relapse in the meantime.

[Rose76]

Tuesday went pretty okay for me. I got a few important things done. Now it's after midnight, so it's already Wed. I just have to get to bed soon. I had several weepy spells, but they didn't last too long. I kept turning my attention back to what I had to get done. I did laundry, which felt satisfying. Grief is very unsettling. Still, I know I will find peace one day in the future. I've been through grief before. It's kind of miraculous how we heal. For a period of time, the reality of someone being permanently gone feels unbearable and unacceptable. Somehow the mind and heart do eventually adapt. I've been through this before. So I'm telling myself that how I feel right now is not how I'll always feel. That makes the pain of now more tolerable.

Being alone is what's making this extra-hard right now. Soon I'll be with my sisters and their families. Having people around to talk with will be comforting. I did tell 3 of my neighbors. They were nice. I hope my visit goes well. Family gets-togethers can go sideways, which I'll try very hard to not let happen.

[3rd rock]

I have been informed that it could take several weeks to get into treatment. I have told the psychiatrist if the wait is longer than two weeks I will check myself out of the ward as a voluntary patient and just go home. I feel I'd be safe at home, with minimal risk of relapse in the short term; in my mind the purpose of treatment is to prevent relapse in the long term. I'm not willing to spend several weeks more in the hospital, as I'd much prefer the comfort of my own home.

[Rose76]

I've done nothing today. Felt sad and felt tired. Was awake till after dawn. Missed a doctor's appointment.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Today has gone a lot better because I got dressed and got out of the house. Shopped at Sam's Club. Picked up a Subway sandwich. I still keep getting teary-eyed over my brother. But spending days at home in my pajamas sure wasn't doing me any good. After I eat, I'll go to Walmart for birdseed. I managed to do a little gardening earlier, which helped me.

sounds amazing

I'm just coping through with the noises that have been going on around me lately. Also I feel like I'm losing in life so much lately, like on a losing streak. I wish some good news would happen.

[Rose76]

Today was better. I'm packing now. I'm kind of looking forward to my trip. At the same time, I'll be glad to get back home.

[Kahapati]

I‘m just another human being with depression that struggles with getting things done, especially mornings are horrible.. everything feels heavy, my limbs , my mind.. I’ve been crying a lot lately.

I grew up with discipline and the mantra „No matter how you feel you must keep your place clean“.. so I crawl and do cleaning.

It took me years to give up sugar and processed foods.. I‘m on a more strict diet, ketogenic/Carniovore since 3 years, I’ve had really good weeks, but diet is not magic , yet without being more cautious with foods I’d probably struggle more.

It took me 2 hrs to get to the gym, and do weight training which was quite good.

Still, mornings are tough and I‘m crying a lot!

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

I'm just coping through with the noises that have been going on around me lately. Also I feel like I'm losing in life so much lately, like on a losing streak. I wish some good news would happen.

Me too. And I've realized that it's not just the noise which is bad enough, it's the uncertainty of how long it will last. Hence, the upstairs guests are giving me an uncertainty I don't usually have. So I don't know when they will leave, unlike the tenant who leaves between 8 and 9am on weekdays. Disruption and unknowns really have me beside myself. It's a bad combo.

I too feel losses. I posted in the Remembrance Day thread as did you, and that got me to thinking of all the losses. And how I don't have ANYONE left to call if something happens.....good or bad. All the "friends" I had ghosted me and they weren't of quality anyway so it's a good thing in a way. But were they better than nothing?