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Rose76
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Default Jun 05, 2024 at 11:38 AM
  #61
Today is going ok. Still kind of sad.
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Default Jun 05, 2024 at 11:53 AM
  #62
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I got through another day. Now I feel sad.
I hope you can find a little peace today Daily check in thread: Ups & Downs #33

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Default Jun 05, 2024 at 12:15 PM
  #63
I'm feeling OK. Since I had long covid a year ago I've noticed that literally everything, eating, not eating, sleeping, not sleeping, medication you name it , has a profound effect on me

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Unhappy Jun 05, 2024 at 01:32 PM
  #64
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I received a call from the treatment center I decided on today. While I was in the hospital, they told me it'd be a four-week wait once I was discharged. That happened on Saturday. Today, they told me the wait would be 6-8 weeks. I expect in 6 weeks they'll call me to tell me it'll actually be 12-14 weeks. Then a few weeks after that, 20-24 weeks. And after that, who knows? The endless extensions on wait times has me feeling very dejected and hopeless. I am starting to experience some dark thoughts again. Except I can't admit it to anyone because I won't be confined to the hospital again. I won't allow it. I either struggle through this or I die. There are no other options. I have nothing and no one.
I’m

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

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Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Jun 05, 2024 at 10:52 PM
  #65
I am very sad. I am getting more and more depressed. Tomorrow we go to the veterans' cemetery to inter my brother's remains.

Maybe I'll feel better when I get home.
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Default Jun 06, 2024 at 04:54 PM
  #66
Today wasn't a good day. i felt like things were just going against me. What's the use, sometimes?
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Default Jun 07, 2024 at 08:28 PM
  #67
Yesterday went well. It was sad at the cemetery but it was normal grief. I wasn't depressed. This morning went well. I fly back home on Tuesday. I got a cheap ticket.
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Default Jun 09, 2024 at 12:22 AM
  #68
I have written about 25,000 words towards the first draft of my current project, almost all of it since getting out of the psychiatric ward one week ago today. I'd hoped to finish a first draft before returning to work after undergoing treatment for my addiction; given the current waitlist for treatment and my current pace of writing, I'll finish the draft before even getting into treatment. Depending on how quickly various rewrites go, I could finish this novel by the end of the summer. At the absolute latest, I'll likely finish by the end of the year. And then, in the new year, I can start making submissions. Given that the delusional fantasy of becoming a bestselling author is the only source of hope in my life, I'm ambivalent on my chances realistically. The odds are stacked against me, but this novel is shaping up to be my best effort yet.
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Default Jun 09, 2024 at 02:50 AM
  #69
Saturday I felt kind of low mentally. I'm still visiting relatives. In a few days, I'll be home and relieved to have this trip over with. I feel like I'm kind of in the way here.
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Default Jun 09, 2024 at 03:17 AM
  #70
Friday was a really tough day for me as i was feeling very in distress and has suicidal thoughts. But i still mananged to go to an appointment with a social worker which went well. Today i feel much better!
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Default Jun 09, 2024 at 07:40 PM
  #71
I felt a bit better today. Tuesday I go home. It'll be good to get back home. Sadness still clings to me.
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Default Jun 10, 2024 at 01:23 AM
  #72
I feel really sad right now. I'm trying to focus on my writing, but sometimes it's hard to get much done. When I get sad like this it tends to come on quickly, without any apparent provocation, and it feels like actual pain at the center of my chest. It makes it really hard to think of anything else. I'm not eating much these days, although I am continuing to consume fluids.
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Default Jun 10, 2024 at 04:56 PM
  #73
I went to the Dermatologist early this morning for a check-up. I've had some Basel Cell skin cancers in the past. In itself it's not a big deal but it's a nuisance to have to have work on it. This morning I got looked at and had to have a couple of biopsies. In the last few years I had been doing great with the check-ups but not this time. The two biopsies have been sent to a lab and I'm waiting for results. The Dermatologist told me that if it's something it would most likely turn out to be Basel Cell.

I felt bummed when I left the office. I felt like I was in the "twilight zone". It's that deep seeded depression and disappointment after the visit. I'm trying to tell myself that this isn't so bad. After all I've been through it before. It's just that I'm a perfectionist and things do go wrong at times or not go the way I want to. I have a hard time learning it. You would think, with my age, that I would realize it by now!
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Default Jun 11, 2024 at 06:21 AM
  #74
Flying home now. I still have that sadness clinging to me. But I'm not very depressed.
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Unhappy Jun 12, 2024 at 11:11 AM
  #75
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snip:

It's just that I'm a perfectionist and things do go wrong at times or not go the way I want to. I have a hard time learning it. You would think, with my age, that I would realize it by now!
Same here. The older I get the more trouble I have with change or disruption. My upstairs neighbor’s guests FINALLY left about a month of torture 7 days a week. It was the disruption that bothered me more than the extra noise. By that I mean I didn’t know when a guest was going to take a shower or stomp across my ceiling. At least the tenant usually leaves between 8 and 9am weekdays. But his guests were all over the place, schedule wise.

Last night I waited for the neighbor to take his usual late shower. It was later than usual, which was a disruption in a weird way for me, so I had trouble falling asleep. I waited for more noise.

This morning it seems there’s still one guest up there. It’s not only annoying but triggering since nobody visits or checks on me.
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Daily check in thread: Ups & Downs #33

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


Daily check in thread: Ups & Downs #33

"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."

Last edited by nonightowl; Jun 12, 2024 at 11:47 AM..
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Unhappy Jun 12, 2024 at 01:51 PM
  #76
Forgot to say how hard the waiting is for medical results. I’ve been there Will and hope it’s good news.

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Daily check in thread: Ups & Downs #33

Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


Daily check in thread: Ups & Downs #33

"Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time."
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Unhappy Jun 12, 2024 at 08:06 PM
  #77
I feel so bad because one of my sister berated me because she ran over sticks in the the road that could have caused a fight with my neighbors

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Jun 13, 2024 at 03:25 PM
  #78
I'm so glad to be home. The sadness has left me. Depression has not returned. I thought I'ld spend a few weeks visiting relatives. After one week, I was looking forward to getting back home. My visit lasted 11 days, split between 2 households. It was long enough.
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Default Jun 13, 2024 at 05:28 PM
  #79
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I'm so glad to be home. The sadness has left me. Depression has not returned. I thought I'ld spend a few weeks visiting relatives. After one week, I was looking forward to getting back home. My visit lasted 11 days, split between 2 households. It was long enough.
I'm glad for you. It must have been hard for you with what had happened. You got through it and now it's over with.

There had been times when I visited family, but haven't for almost 20 years and I don't feel like I'm missing anything. In the last few years I visited family, I hated being there and it was so nice to get back home. I even felt like my home became sweeter than ever before.
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Default Jun 13, 2024 at 09:42 PM
  #80
Thank you. I was so delighted to be back home. It does seem sweeter than before.
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