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Member Since May 2019
Location: Canada
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#101
Is there any end to the pain? Like the actual, palpable pain. Not a metaphor. The physical sensation of the pain.
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Calla lily12, JaneOnceMore, nonightowl, T4bbyCat, will19
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
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#102
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3rd rock, JaneOnceMore, nonightowl, T4bbyCat
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3rd rock, nonightowl
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
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#103
Tired. Still in bed. Depressed.
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3rd rock, Calla lily12, JaneOnceMore, nonightowl, T4bbyCat
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
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#104
So far, today was better than yesterday and Tuesday. I was busy being out-and-about this morning. I got all I needed. I'll be pretty busy in the next few days - mostly during the mornings.
Nothing much this afternoon. I feel pretty good for accomplishing things in the mornings but then I feel let down with not much going on in the afternoons. |
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2019
Location: Canada
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#105
I booked an intake date for residential treatment today. They told me on the phone they do allow cell phone possession, but not other electronics like tablets. I bought my tablet specifically so I could continue to write during spare time while undergoing treatment, but now I won't be able to do that. It is possible to write on my phone, using the Microsoft Word app for Android, but it's less efficient due to the much smaller screen. Still, I suppose I'll have to make do. My objective is to get a minimum of 60,000 words towards the first draft by the time I enter treatment, and then complete the remaining ~16,000 words while undergoing treatment. I should be able to do this. Then I'll start on rewrites after getting out of treatment.
I'm feeling very apprehensive about treatment. They said you have to give samples for drug tests on arrival. That's nothing really to worry about, however I did test positive for fentanyl once in a recent test even though I have never used fentanyl in my life. The nurse who administered the test said it was a false positive, and that those can occur from time to time. I'm also feeling very depressed right now, and I'm trying to focus on my writing so as to keep my thoughts occupied. As long as I can do that, I can keep the worst and most dangerous thoughts keep at bay. |
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Discombobulated, JaneOnceMore, nonightowl, T4bbyCat, will19
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,419
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#106
Quote:
Quote:
——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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3rd rock, JaneOnceMore, T4bbyCat, will19
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Discombobulated, will19
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,419
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#107
Quote:
Now that I have it I don’t see how I got by without it, pre pandemic and all. But I didn’t grow up with this technology, still struggle at times and could never use ONE hand to hold the phone and text simultaneously as young people do. Still I make do with this since I don’t have a computer. I wish the battery was more robust and long lasting but this is how they make money. ——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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3rd rock, JaneOnceMore, T4bbyCat
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3rd rock
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
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#108
I improved a bit today. I went out to get a haircut. I filled the birdfeeders. I wrote checks to pay some bills. I finally unpacked my suitcase. It's been overcast all day, which I liked because it cooled things off.
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3rd rock, Discombobulated, JaneOnceMore, nonightowl, T4bbyCat
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 568
5 6,177 hugs
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#109
The mirtazapine is having no effect on my depressive symptoms.
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JaneOnceMore, nonightowl, T4bbyCat, will19
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Legendary
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Location: USA
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#110
Yesterday was a day I wasted. I should try to do better today.
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3rd rock, JaneOnceMore, nonightowl, T4bbyCat
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,712
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#111
I'm feeling depressed because it's hot outside yesterday and today. It was pretty nice and cool all along and then the temps just turned way up. I tend to be depressed on hot days.
Yesterday, while cleaning, I got a voicemail from my sister saying that my cousin's husband had to go to hospital. I didn't get any details specifically. He was alright for me but I wasn't close to him and my cousin. He must be about 90 or so. I called my sister this morning and she said it wasn't a good time to talk. She always says that when I call and that's why I don't call her. She talked to me briefly saying that my cousin's husband has congested heart failure. He took a turn for the worst this morning. The weird part about talking to my sister is that she told me she has to go out with her daughter and a friend (it's either my nieces' friend or my sister's, I'm not sure). It was all so fast. It seems like my niece (who is around age 27) hasn't grown up and launched. My sister doesn't seem to be concerned about it. I'm feeling like I don't care if I never speak to my family again. Sorry this is a bit long. |
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,419
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#112
Quote:
I don’t care if I ever see or talk to my surviving “family” again. I’m awfully sorry to hear of such bad news. And I never mind your posts, regardless of length. ——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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3rd rock, JaneOnceMore, T4bbyCat, will19
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will19
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 568
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#113
This novel is really terrible. I don't even have anyone to read a portion of it and provide feedback. I'll have to figure that out in the future. I'll finish the first draft, then one round of rewrites, then try and track down someone who might be willing to read at least part of it and provide criticism. I'm really trying with this one to write the best novel I know how. But it's still probably not going to turn out good enough to be published. Still, I have to cling to the delusional fantasy that it will not only be published but also will become a bestseller. Otherwise, I have no hope for the future.
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Discombobulated, JaneOnceMore, nonightowl, T4bbyCat
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,419
16 7,754 hugs
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#114
Unfortunately I found out on the local news that a fatal stabbing occurred at the local carnival by me. That’s literally down the block from me, where it happened. It was between gang members, two teenagers. The assailant fled the scene around 10:30pm, around the time those helicopters arrived. I didn’t look at the clock but that sounds about right, as I was in bed awhile. I’m more anxious than ever now and that news clip caught me off guard.
The landlord inspection of smoke alarms and the toilet (for some reason) is over thankfully. Even though I knew they were coming I was so anxious about it and hated the disruption even though it took literally a minute. One of our maintenance guys headed to my kitchen when he knows I don’t have an alarm in there. I asked what is he doing there? He then gives me a snotty reply that if I don’t WANT it. Didn’t say that. The notice said check alarms, not install new ones in more areas. This wasn’t the city inspector but the landlord. So I’ll have disruption again next year sometime. If they want to put one in my kitchen they can come back. I wasn’t ready for that. Unlike most people I still have carpet and I didn’t want him tracking dirt on my carpet walking through the living room to get to the kitchen. Gosh I’m getting worse with change and disruption as I get older. Maybe it’s the uncertain and chaotic times we are in? ——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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3rd rock, Discombobulated, JaneOnceMore, T4bbyCat, will19
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2012
Posts: 3,712
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#115
This day is not halfway over yet but already there's weirdness. I went out early this morning to have a smog check and then the place couldn't take me because the computer wasn't working. And then I went to another smog place and was told the person doing it passed away recently. It seemed like the last time I went to that second place a couple of years ago, they told me the exact same thing.
Last night I was watching a movie on my laptop (that's what I always do) and just near the end the laptop just shut down by itself suddenly and unexpectedly. I had to start it up again, and thank goodness, it worked. The laptop must have overheated. I'm feeling depressed because of the hot weather (what that makes me feel depressed) and the weirdness that's been going on. There doesn't seem to be good things going on for me lately. I'm feeling like I'm in The Twilight Zone. To Nonightowl ---> sorry to hear about that stabbing incident nearby. Something like that would give me creeps. And yes, the slightest bit of change that I didn't want can send me in a whirl. I get anxious at those apartment inspections, too, even though they turn out OK. |
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3rd rock, JaneOnceMore, nonightowl, T4bbyCat
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nonightowl
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,419
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#116
Quote:
What I really hate is not all states even require it. The cost of both the test and the registration fee go up every year. This city is out of control. I don’t feel safe at all anywhere now. There was a shooting outside a library I visited before but not in a long time. It shattered the windows and this was during normal hours. So patrons were inside. It was also gang related. They showed that on the news too. I was thinking of not watching the news at all but want to be informed on what things can happen. I just listen to headlines but even that is a bit much now. I hate the heat too. About your laptop, my tv suddenly switched to headphone mode even though I didn’t plug in the headphones! Thankfully the sound returned but I had to insert and remove the headphones to make that happen. I hope it’s not my tv. That never happened before. ——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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3rd rock, JaneOnceMore, T4bbyCat, will19
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will19
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 10,419
16 7,754 hugs
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#117
Will if you ever delete your account please give me a heads up. You’re one of the few people that can relate to my experiences……
——— Sent from my iPhone __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." Last edited by nonightowl; Jun 24, 2024 at 03:56 PM.. |
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will19
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
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#118
I decided to try to heal some old emotional wounds
__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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Legendary
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#119
I am very hurt and depressed. I'm making it worse by doing all the wrong things - like staying in bed, not cleaning up in the kitchen, not even stepping out to get my mail.
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3rd rock, Discombobulated, JaneOnceMore, nonightowl, T4bbyCat
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 568
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#120
I have reached a decision on this novel, and I'm in the process of drastically rewriting the story. I'm sort of stealing from another novel I've read, or if you want to be charitable you could say I'm taking inspiration from it. I have to scrap entire elements of the story, especially at the end. But if it produces a stronger story overall in the end, it's worth it.
I have an intake date for treatment. It's July 10. I'm rather nervous about it, and I suspect I'll get even more nervous as the date draws nearer. But I think I'll be able to do it. Additionally, I am struggling with depressive thoughts and feelings, which the medication doesn't seem to be having much effect on. The doctors at the hospital took me off my prior meds and put me on new ones. It sometimes seems each psychiatrist has their pet favorite meds, which seems rather odd to me as they should just favor the meds that are most effective. Regardless, I'm managing to survive. |
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