Has anyone here tried Grey Rock Method? If so can you please help me. Thanks.

I’m am currently living (5 mths) with a sibling, who is always verbally abusing me.
Yesterday, I started to look for ways to try to avoid him. Thats how I found this method. Me and other family members (his wife and children) have realized, that trying to defend me doesn't help. No matter what I say I’m wrong! Sighs. Since I’ve lived here, I’ve try to sit at the dinner table less than 5 times, because every time I’ve tried he would start verbally abusing me.

So now I only eat starting behind, on the kitchen island. Yet, even though he can’t me, he still tries to argue with me. His wife told me, that he’s like that with everyone because he has depression. And to just ignore him. But I live in fear daily. To the point I only leave my room is to eat. Yet, he still argues with me. I wish I could leave, but financially I can’t afford to yet. I’m stuck here for a few years till I can get back on my feet. I have no where else to go.

Has anyone using the Grey Rock Method, been successful in ignoring your abuser? Do you think this method will work with him? He literally goes out of his way to put me down. If you had success with this, can you please give me some tips on how to stay calm. Because, so far every time he abusing me, I always defended myself. Thanks for helping.

It takes time to perfect the method. When you come to realization that you accomplish nothing by responding, then it would get easier. Go about your life, keep yourself busy. Nod. Say ok. Or say nothing. Do you work or are in school? Don’t be available. And unless you are a child, no need to eat with them or at the same time. Create a schedule for yourself that allows you to eat when they are doing something else

Depression is not a valid excuse for abusing others

Before I moved in with them, I made a deal with my sister-in-law that I would eat dinner with them. Because, I asked her what is something that I have to abide by when I live here? She told me that, everyone must eat dinner together every night. So that was the deal so that I could move in. However, I haven’t lived with my brother since we were teenagers. And even when we lived together, we didn’t it get along, but now since I’m stuck and had nowhere to go. I just have to accept it.

Actually, he verbally abuses everyone in this house, but they just shut up and put up with it. My sister-in-law says she’s been dealing with it the entire relationship. Which is close to like 30 years. They expect me to shut up and not say anything as well. I am the first person to challenge him. So far when he would say snarky things or stuff that I couldn’t change, such as my boyfriend cheating on me is my fault, for being stupid enough to let him hurt me. And things that are out of my control. He argue with me all types of all random stuff, and I would always defend myself.

Just thought of him scares me. I have so much stress when I eat sometimes I even cry. I wish I could just make food, and eat it upstairs away from them, but I can’t. I even pleaded with my sister-in-law to let me eat alone, but she said no! So I have to let him abuse me almost daily, if I want a roof over my head. My therapist says this is very abusive and frightening for me. Since, I was in a 20 year relationship and not allowed to have a support system. Other than medical Drs and family, I had no support system.

But as you can see my family is also abusive. Only 1 person verbally abuses me, and the rest see it but tell me to ignore it. I don’t know if that is considered abuse too, but my heart really hurts that no one sticks up for me. They did at that beginning but he would start abusing them, so they stopped. I also noticed they seemed relieved I’m here, since now he only bullies me now, instead of them.

She said in order to live together “I must ignore him and let him treat me as a scapegoat”. Those are 100% her exact words. She says it because he has depression so he takes it out on me. Im the lowest one on the totem pole. As, I cannot afford to move out yet. That’s why I started googling ways, to avoid his snarky comments, and made up lies he says about me. Like he would randomly just make up lies to tell his wife and kids, in front of me. And I would have to correct him. That’s the number one reason we start fighting. Thank you for listening and Im sorry for the long rant.

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Get a job and be out of the house at the time they eat dinner

You don’t respond to any criticism or comments from your brother. You simply ignore him.. or say something like , really, that’s interesting. No defense, no emotion. Just pretend you’re a rock and his words bounce off of you. If he’s like that with everyone it’s not personal so just ignore him.

I will take everyone’s advice. I will not defend myself anymore. I will try not to respond to his snarky remarks or him putting me down. I will be a rock. I have to practice very hard though, because I’m the type that will argue back, to defend myself if they are wrong. Thank you everyone for taking time to help me. Sending everyone love and good energy. 🩵🌻