[justfloating]

it hurts it hurts it hurts
i hate this
i just want it to end
i want to stop feeling, i want to feel anything else, i want to be left alone, i just want to be held, i want not to have to think
i don't know where this came from but i want it to STOP

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((( justfloating )))))))))))))

Sending you some hugs.

[pegasus]

If you're going through hell - keep going.

[SophiaG]

Be kind to yourself, rest.

I wrote this to help myself be more happy. I wrote it after i got out a depression. It's just what I've learned from it.

I've decided that there is NO point in being unhappy and worrying about whether or not my life has meaning or where souls end up. It's not worth it. What joy is there in sadness? What answers could I possibly dredge up from questions that have been asked for millenia without real answers?
So instead of driving myself crazy by thinking in circles and wondering if ANYTHING in this life is real, I'm living. I'm actually living. Because I've finally realized that there arent answers to the questions I have.

And as for fear of life, I've accepted that I have considerable difficulty adjusting to new things in life. I've been that way since 3rd grade where I flipped out because the teacher didnt do the exact same thing as my 2nd grade teacher. It takes me a while longer to adjust to things than others do.

And I'm beginning to think there is little basis for fear that things could go wrong. What's the point in thinking about those things? Just put one foot in front of the other. DONT LOOK DOWN or you WILL fall.
Eventually, even if you fall 3 dozen times, you'll take a step in the right direction. You will. Guaranteed. Just keep taking steps. keep going.
My personal mantra (which I lost when I became depressed) was " If you fall off the horse, get back on." And since I've regained this central tenant of my belief system I've changed it slightly to " If you fall off the horse, get back on and for God's sakes hold the reins a different way!"
That is my saying. You fall. get back up. What good will it do if you choose to lie in the dirt? You'll just get dirtier, maybe mud will splash in your face. Your situation will worsen if you do not get up.

So get up.

Get up and try a different way.

And if you fall again.

Get up again.

And again.

and again.

It doesnt matter if you fall 3 million times. Maybe on the 3 millionth time you get up, you'll finally make that one step you've been trying to make for so long.

dont give up.

Get help if you need it. Dont be too proud to get help.

If your soul is weary, rest. Please rest. Rest for a little while and then get back up. Because if you keep going while you are mentally/emotionally or physically weary you're just going to do more damage to yourself in the long run. So rest, and then get back up.

And smile...smile, smile smile. For what use is getting up if all you can show the world is a look of defeat and agony? What message does that send the world? You have so little time here, please smile while you are here. and If you do smile I guarantee only good things can come of it.
I'm not talking about a fake smile, but a REAL smile. Find something that makes you smile every time you think about it. When you are sad, think about that one thing that makes you happy. It'll make you smile...and that smile will make you happier.

And be grateful for the things you have. Being grateful for what you have will only illuminate more things that bring pleasure to you.

If something bad happens to you, brush it off and move on. If you feel pain, its ok to cry, do cry, but move on afterwards. Dont let a small thing pull you down. And if you find that you're complaining more than you are appreciating the things in life, something's wrong. Dont allow yourself to do that. The world has too much good in it to not acknowledge and appreciate it.

And also dont put others before you. If you are constantly putting your friends before yourself, you'll never go where you want to do. So keep in mind they are your friends, and most people pass in and out of your life. Dont let them distract you from what you really want in life. People are unreliable, they may be deeply in love with you one month and gone the next; your friend one semester and just too darn busy another. Keep on walking on YOUR path, appreciate those that you run across and keep contact with the few that truely matter.

It is through the pain that you grow. Through the times you fall down, that you grow.

So, falling down. It happens. Its ok. You will fall. I guarantee it.

Just promise me you'll get back up and try again.

[justfloating]

Thank you all for the support. It means so much to me to have someplace to come where I know the people understand what's going on with me. I'm so grateful for you all!

SophiaG: Especially thanks to you. I've read your wise post several times now, and it's given me the energy and motivation to actually get up and start my day. I'm going to keep getting back on that horse.

[SophiaG]

Originally Posted by justfloating

Thank you all for the support. It means so much to me to have someplace to come where I know the people understand what's going on with me. I'm so grateful for you all!

SophiaG: Especially thanks to you. I've read your wise post several times now, and it's given me the energy and motivation to actually get up and start my day. I'm going to keep getting back on that horse.

I'm SO happy to hear that it made a difference

[aliasbubbles]

Sitting in my house, uncontrollably crying on more than one recent occasion . . . what you wrote mirrors my keening . . . make it stop, make it stop, make it stop. You are not alone!

[justfloating]

((((((((((((((aliasbubbles)))))))))))))))

Thank you. You are not alone either.