Terror at Curb Cuts

I wanted to sell my WebTV today. I never made it. I kept freezing at curb cuts.

They're these little ramps that are cut at the ends of sidewalks for wheelchairs to go down. I'm always terrified that my chair's going to flip going down one of them or I'm going to fall out of my chair and break my leg.

Well, today the fear was much worse. I was freezing at curb cuts I'd used for years. I sat petrified at several of them, trying to get up the nerve to go down them. I actually drove in the road a couple of times, with the cars, to avoid some of the curb cuts. I could have got hit by a car at one point today.

I leave for a pilgrimage in Quebec on Friday. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm terrified to leave town. I won't know if I'll be able to climb into bed by myself or use the toilet by myself for the next two nights. I'll be in a totally strange environment. They'll have help there, but that doesn't make me feel any better.

This is my first trip out of Ottawa in 12 years and my first real trip without my parents.

I think it's safe to say I'm a nervous wreck.

Father Lindsay said that it would be good for me spiritually and psychologically if I made the trip. I agree with him, but I'm scared stiff. I'm getting on a bus full of people and spending three days with them.

I'm a recluse, boys and girls. Have I completely lost my mind? (Actually, I lost it a long time ago, but don't tell Doug that.)

I did this because I thought it would be a good idea. Now I'm having second thoughts.

This is suicide.

Hello HamsterGirl --

I don't know what's good for me, so I would have to be a hypocrite to pretend that I know what's good for anyone else. I have been on several prayer retreats over the past year, and they have become an important good part of my life.

I am familiar with that sense of "freezing" up on things. The situations in which this occurs might be different, but definitely, being with people as roommates at conferences, etc., is a trigger. I also spend most of my time alone.

If you decide to go, I think it will be huge for you.

Anyone would be afraid taking a big step like this one. I know that is pretty trivial because you have some very valid reasons for things that most people wouldn't even think of having to deal with when going on a trip. I only mean to point out that fear for this is normal for everyone and it is really amplifying the fears you already deal with daily.

Actually I don't know what my point is.

Mostly just want to offer support for your trip, I know how incredibly challenging and frightening it must be, but like Ozzie says don't let that overwhelm you and keep you from the positive posibilities that this trip may provide.

I know there are a ton of positive aspects to this but one thing in particular hit home with me: "my first real trip without my parents" I know you have shared very emotional stories about your parents, and doing this may be a very freeing experience. In some posts you have expressed how tied to them you still feel in many ways, at the same time realizing how abusive they were. Maybe this trip can be "symbolic" in some way of loosening those ties a bit more... you already have done a lot of that already you know...

I hope that for whatever fears you have, at the end of the trip you will be glad that you had gone. And don't worry about losing your mind, we will find it for you, feed it, and keep it safe until your return. That is what we are here for .

You are very courageous for planning to make this trip. I bet you will feel great once you're there and realize it maybe isn't so different. I'm very much a recluse, too . I spend most of my time at home surrounded by the people I live with. Leaving the house is hard for me most of the time, but I always do the same as you, stress beforehand, am guarded during and feel GREAT afterward.

Hope all goes well with you.
Take great care.

Awww Dexter, that was really sweet. One for the ages.

(((((((((((((Hamstergirl)))))))))))))))