So...yesterday after work, I dropped off a prescription to be filled and intended to use it for all the wrong intentions tonight (according to the rest of the world).

After dropping the prescription off and before meeting my husband at the bar, I attended my first EA meeting. I was extremely leary of participating in this group. I didn't know what to expect. Would I know anyone? How much pressure would they put on me to continue attending their meetings? Would I feel worse when I left (if that was possible)? Would I end up balling my eyes out? etc.? After meeting my husband, I was planning to go to bed, get up, go to work, pick up my prescription and continue with my plan.

Ironically...today was the first day in MONTHS (maybe longer) that I have felt that suicide may not be worth it. Before, I had nothing to lose and only something to gain by taking my own life. I'm not sure what I have to live for yet, but this is the most hope I have felt in a long, long time. Don't get me wrong, that one meeting did not "fix" me. I just got a taste of hope again. I told the rest the members of EA that I didn't know if I could commit to being a member of this group and I'll see how I feel next Tuesday about attending another meeting. They accepted this so...........no pressure. Maybe I'll try it again.

When people asked how I was doing today I actually meant it when I said I was good!

I never did have a drink last night when I met my husband. It just didn't sound good.

No need to respond, just needed to babble for a while.

Later,
Slip

[nowheretorun]

Good luck Slip... its a tough battle but you've made the right choice... just keep hanging in there... you made a good choice..

[bipolar_bear]

I am so glad that the meeting helped you so much. I am happy that you are seeing alternatives for yourself. What a great day for you.

BB

[Pseudonym]

=D I couldn't be happier!

I wondered about meeting someone at a group meeting once. I eventually realized that it'd be sort of like that Piña Colada song (Escape by Rupert Holmes). You'd get there and feel somewhat ashamed of your predicament, and by seeing someone else you know there. Until you realize that they themselves have their own issues. And then you say "Oh it's you", and laugh about it...

Well, okay, it's not just like the Piña Colada song, but you know what I mean. I'm so glad you went and that it was a positive experience. Keep us posted!

Thanks. It's nice to have support from people who understand. I made it through another day...just a few more hours until it's time for bed. I am tired so I hope sleep comes easy tonight.

Thanks again for the responses.

i'm glad you are still here. i'm sorry you are hurting so much. i hope that things change for you soon and that you feel happy to be alive someday. take care.