Do you have plans for your future?

<font color=" blue">This is a long post. All about me. Not about you til the end.</font>

Dr. John's Q of the Week (your ideal career) and a question I was asked Sunday has got me thinking about the future.

Reggie asked me Sunday, as I dithered about whether to stay in New Orleans, or move to Austin or Florida, <font color="green">“What are your plans?”</font>

<font color="purple">“What do you mean?”</font>

He looked as puzzled as I felt. <font color="green">“What are your plans?”</font> he repeated.

<font color="purple">“Like whether I plan to go to the grocery store tomorrow?”</font>

[font:green]“No, for the future. What do you want?”</font>

My turn to look vacant. <font color="purple">“To have a job. To own my home again. That’s really important to me. All my oldest friends have commented how I always loved to fix my nest, even as young career gal in rentals, and how unlike me it is to be so rootless so long.”</font> I mean, whaddya do with your life when (a) you had everything pretty much the way you wanted it (b) it all goes away over the courses of a few weeks (c) you don't think you have the energy to work that hard or that long to get it back and as result (d) you're not sure you want it anymore.

But, even though a long time has passed – a year and half – I feel plum out of plans. <font color=" green">Plan A --</font> newspaper – paid okay back then. Lots of instability as newspapers closed, several a week in the seventies and TV took over the news. I wanted to be independent, quit (bad decision), tried to get some books published and freelance and failed.

<font color="green">Plan B</font> – public relations, paid even less in my case & I didn’t like it. Returned to newspaper. Job instability, salary shrank to what it was in the 70s.

<font color="green">Plan C</font> – Real estate sales. I loved learning about investing, discovered I had zero sales ability. Couldn’t sell a fur coat to a naked Eskimo in a snowstorm. <font color="green">

Plan D</font> – take love of learning and knowledge of media and parlay it into an academic career. Took 8 years to finish all my degrees. Still in debt. Good pay, lots of bennies. Usually liked my students. Don't always like public speaking. Didn’t like the high pressure, repetitiveness of teaching, politics of academia, but it had a lot of other things I wanted. For most people, it’s a stable career. Just not me.

So – here I am, up to my eyeballs in debt from sick depression time last year, keeping the house after my loved one skipped, and being on unemployment since May. I’ve worked very slowly on a book but thinking this is gonna support me is nuts; most writers are cab drivers and waitresses. I’ve tried and tried to get back into newspaper, but I haven’t been able to convince anyone I’m willing to take a 40%-60% drop in pay.

I’m back to applying for teaching jobs; the new listings for next fall are being published now. Hiring is cyclical for fall semester, job searches between now and January 2005 for Fall 2005.

But I don’t have visions of my future. Not me loving writing. Or getting a profitable real estate investing thing going. Or what it will be like to be a single on my own in middle age entertaining friends. Or how to make new friends. (I guess I did okay with Reggie, but he’s really looking for a sweetie pie, not me. He’s been absolutely gentlemanly and sweet about my not moving forward into a closer relationship; I’ve been honest about not being ready.)

Is it common in depression not to have plans, not to have a vision for the future? Where are you on Life Planning? <font color="blue"> </font>

I also can't think long term. I can't picture myself around that long, let alone what I'm going to be doing.

I've never been able to settle long term job-wise either. Never have I had only one W2 at the end of the year to work with - one year was seven of them.

The thought of being around and having to plan my future, scares me.

Not really ... and I've always hated that question in job interviews (The "5 year" question ...)
((((((((Wants2Fly))))))))

I am sooooooo glad to know that there are other people WHO DO NOT have plans. They don't work out anyway. Why bother. If we plan to keep on breathing and being kind &amp; loving, and doing our best not be leeches on the planet, isn't that enough? Luvya All.