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Member
Member Since Feb 2008
Posts: 104
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May 15, 2008 at 07:46 AM
#1
I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for all the bad things that go in my life and the life of those around me. Ever since I left this summer to study abroad, nothing but misfortune has befallen my family and friends.
Friend ended up in the hospital dad got laid off dad was in two car accidents in two days, injured on second day crash both cars are now in the shop, costly mom has inured disc, not accident related financial crisis! I'm running out of money over here... grandfather is getting older (you know what I mean) Not to mention my psychological problems, just wait till I add this one to their thoughts... I feel like I'm some sort of chaos factor. Story of my life. When I'm around bad things tend to happen in smaller doses, but when I leave, everything gets worse. And just to spice things up, every once in a while, the roles reverse and I'm a walking disaster zone. I'm definitely feeling low right now. Low enough to win a limbo contest  I think I'm cursed. |
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Member
Member Since May 2008
Location: Nowhere you know.
Posts: 264
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May 15, 2008 at 08:57 AM
#2
Hey meccorad, most of us have felt the same way, at one point in our lives. I felt that, too, and I still feel that way... like everything I do just fks up. Whatever I do, things just fking fk up. ;[
But you know what, we're all amazing people. It just differs from one degree to another. ;] I'm here, okay? ;] Even though I'm just an online person, I just want you to know there is someone out there who thinks you're amazing. You know what's funny? Every time I try to make a new post about how I feel, you end up posting the same thing!!!! lol. Listen to a good song, anything that could make you feel better. If you're still online, I'm still up for about 2 more hours if you wanna talk ;] Just so you feel you're not alone... <font color="purple">Clandestine</font> |
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Member
Member Since Feb 2008
Posts: 104
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May 15, 2008 at 11:12 AM
#3
Ah, I find that serendipitous! I'm so glad someone else in the world knows what it's like....I just want things to be normal for once.
I still can't help but feel that the universe aligns its self against me just for sheer fun. My whole life has been chaotic, it's like those people that seem to win the lottery every week, well I'm their antithesis. Statistically someone else in the world had to match their luckiness on the opposite side of the scale. I'm just a counterbalance to all the good in the world. Yay me. |
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 7,416
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May 15, 2008 at 11:21 AM
#4
((((((((((((((((( meccorad ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You are not cursed, I too know what you are feeling as I have felt it many times and to some degree I still feel it now. 
__________________  Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
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Member
Member Since May 2008
Location: Nowhere you know.
Posts: 264
16 |
May 15, 2008 at 11:25 AM
#5
You'll get by. You need a hug. A hug can do wonders. ;]
Maybe focus on your strengths? (Here I go again, being the optimistic counselor lmao) For example, did you know you write beautifully? How about write essays or poems, to while away your time. ;] I was supposed to say "OMG I AGREE THE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES TO MAKE EVERYONE GO AGAINST ME, THUS IM A FAILURE" but that won't help you much, you know? Lol. <font color="purple">Clandestine</font> |
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Member
Member Since Feb 2008
Posts: 104
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May 15, 2008 at 11:35 AM
#6
No, it probably won't help me but it did manage to make me lol quite a bit....
Thanks, everyone tells me that, but I'm not good with accepting compliments. I haven't been able to write poetry or anything decent for quite a while...Every time I try it just ends up being really really depressive and morbid. I wish I had the same inspiration that I used to, ya know? I can't even express myself, to myself anymore and that's when I realized I needed help. |
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Member
Member Since May 2008
Location: Nowhere you know.
Posts: 264
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May 15, 2008 at 11:53 AM
#7
My purpose was to really make you "lol" a bit. I'm glad I was able to fulfill it *grins*
My flare for writing has somewhat diminished too, seeing as I've been a writer in one of my college newsletters. ;[ I guess it has something to do with what we're experiencing, like losing interest in something you're interested about before. It sucks and I hate it. I hate having not to write because it's supposed to bring me to a whole new place, different from where I am right now, but it ends up dragging me to my sorrows and dark thoughts. ;[ My metaphors have all drowned alongwith my optimistic pieced-up self. *sigh* <font color="purple">Clandestine</font> |
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Member
Member Since Feb 2008
Posts: 104
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May 15, 2008 at 12:53 PM
#8
Yeah, I'm pretty much textbook example of depression. I haven't heard my own voice in over three days. I went to class yesterday but didn't speak to anyone and I wasn't called on. Then when I try to speak after such a long time it sounds funny, like it's not me speaking.
My outside voice sounds different from the voice inside my head. I haven't written for fun in years. I haven't played my piano or my guitar in over 4 months. I've basically lost interest in everything and everyone. |
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Member
Member Since May 2008
Location: Nowhere you know.
Posts: 264
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May 16, 2008 at 09:10 AM
#9
You've got to help yourself here, to be honest. Is there a way I can help you out as well? You might tell me, "Honeslty, that's my problem.. I don't know." So I'm going to tell you... start by thinking of a positive thing - even just one. For example, tell yourself "This day is going to be alright." and when thoughts contradict that, remind yourself again that this is gonna be a good day. ;]
Try fiddling with your guitar... it's a gradual process ;] But yeah, there's a battle going on in your mind. You know what to do, but you can't just seem to do it. Damn. <font color="purple">Clandestine</font> |
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May 16, 2008 at 11:36 AM
#10
meccorad
You are not cursed. Things just have a way of happening feels that way at times I know.. take time to breath and remember chos does pass take care of yourself muffy |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2008
Posts: 4,178
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May 16, 2008 at 11:56 PM
#11
you are not cursed...
you need a to educate yourself about life and depression. you need to accept what others (who care) have to offer you. you need to quit looking for excuses to feel bad, and accept depression for what it is. every week, you find a way to 'skip' the depression part here.depression is a valid response to what you are going thru. accept yourself with love - nightbird __________________ I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness. - Walt Whitman |
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