[sshtuose]

if anyone remembers me posting here:
since i posted here a long time ago..i realized i dont have the aspergers, and the labels always had a negative impact on me and how i think other ppl think of me...
i regret ever believing i had it or having been dxed and i decided to think for myself and reading the symptoms the dsm lists are too broad and that what makes me different from "aspies" is i understand emotions and nonverbal etc (there a lot more i could say....) but i freeze up around peopel i dont know..
i realized im just extremely shy worsened by anxiety and my mom wants to control my life which makes me feel helpless (probly cause she thinks i have AS she assumes im not capable of functioning maybe?)
also i sed i had bad depression and anxiety and im totally off meds screwthat stuff it never did anything lol
but actually i probly im not able to function right in the world cause my mind is tearing myslf apart
i had an epiphany last summer (u dont wanna know how ill just say curiosity killed the cat)..im dealing with a gender/sex problem now..it fits now how i acted like a boy as a kid then as i got older the social pressure forced me into the whole long pretty hair, bras, makeup thing and getting my hell on earth period which coincided with the worsening anxiety & depression and isolation.. im only attracted to men.. the lady parts and figure truly disgust me and how women act in general.. they seem like the empathetic ones yet theyll be very deceptive and ask you mean questions if youre not a bubbly out going girl....and the shallowness of makeup and trying constantly to look beautiful and young. it feels so hollow and fake.. thats my experience from highschool (probly a little naiive belief/generalization but i guess not liking how they act is cos of my own self hatred..) mostly thank god ive finally escaped....
i dunno if what i feel is real its a very strong feeling of despair like im trapped for life.. dunno why it came to me then when i had all my life before to say id rather be a man..
i have fantasies and dreams of being a man and dating men i think its what should of been maybe i was cursed in my past life to live in a mental prison in the next?
my true self will never show because of this..no connection between body and mind.... ill be celibate for life...
am i going off the deep end??
anyways the point is.... i dont have asspergers... i dont! really!!! so stop thinking i do!! everyone please....

sorry wrong topic, admin can move it to gender issues if they want..

[Doh2007]

Welcome back! It's nice to see you.