Not sure what to do

Well, after months (5 to be exact) of unemployment, I finally got a job. My benefits were due to be cut off within the next few weeks and that worried me a lot. I'm now a store manager for a watch company at those little stands in the malls.

I have to go away for a weeks worth of training to a different state - staying at the Hampton Inn. I should be really glad something came through, but all week I've been praying for something to mess it up.

I don't know if anyone of you remember, but I just recently changed Ts. My old one's mailbox is finally closed and there is no more communication. The new one is so different - I'm not very fond of him. I called my new T last week to tell him that I was getting severe migraines on Abilify - his suggestion was to just cut the pill in half. I simply stopped taking it. I called him a few days ago to tell him I needed something else and to refill my Ambien since I was going to be gone for all of next week. My second appt. with him is not till the 28th (approx. 3 weeks since the first one). I have been going through a lot of stress and the time frame has not helped. It took me 3 calls to get on something else (now on Geodon) and he never did refill the Ambien. Now I'm stuck for a week not sleeping well.

I am also terrified of working again. My self-esteem has always been really bad and I don't think I can handle the stress and responsibility of working. That's one reason I applied for disability a few months ago - something I can't wait for any longer due to financial reasons (husband is on disability). I'm afraid while I am gone that there is no more safety net for me. My old T had wanted me hospitalized during this time of stress and transition of new Ts, but I couldn't. Now he's gone, and I have no one to talk to IRL.

I've been able to spend so much time with my son, and it has been so nice. Now I'm without him and far away. I'm going to be alone and the urges are going to be so bad, that I'm scared of me.

I leave first thing in the morning and won't return till Friday night, late. I'm seriously worried here.

Mary Alice

Dear Mary Alice,

Bring some light entertainment to lighten your mood while you are away.

Have an open mind that others will be there and going thru separations too, so you can show pics and long for home together. Phone home alot.

Check out the town you will be in. Try and enjoy a little travel time since you are there anyway.

Go to movie while out of town or do something special, a nice dinner - a private treat for yourself.

Hopefully, when disability comes through, you can be at home.

Till then, I admire how you stepped up to protect your familys' resources.

You are stronger than you think. You will be okay.

Make it an adventure. Leave a schedule for H and have it taken seriously.

Stay with this job till disability ... which may be here in no time OR learn how this company does what it does in the mall, and maybe you'll be doing it for yourself, on your own, with what you learn on the job.

These job trainings offer people more than the companies realize because after a few months, you will know the product supply, everything, and can do something on your own ... even if you choose something besides watches, the set up for sales are basic ... for cottage business.

Whatever you do, have faith and hope for the best!

You are a great Mom and wonderful Wife to get out there when it's difficult to do - to get it done.

You are amazing!

peace and love,
night

Dearest {{{{{{{{nightbird}}}}}}}}} how your post made me feel a little better - thank you. I have some CDs to keep me company on the drive down there.

Unfortunately I will be the only trainee there. I am actually going to be at my boss's store and training with him, so I can take over the other store in my state.

I am leaving my schedule here at home and told my son to text me if he needs something (he hates leaving voice messages).

I'm going to have to let disability know that I am working - watch, I'll be denied because of it. I wish I would get it though - it would make things easier.

Thank you for the compliment. I don't feel strong, actually very weak and insecure. Not seeing a T for awhile hasn't helped any.

I still keep thinking about not going, but I know I have to. Thanks again - know how much I appreciate your reply.



Mary Alice

Don't you have three months to report any new info?

Whatever is legal, just wait awhile to notify, at least wait until you are sure you need to do this.

Good, cd's are great. Walks are good. An inexpensive but somewhat different restaurant is good. tv in a different place - different!

Mary Alice, whatever you decide, I'm sure will be best for your situation.

love,
night

(((PTS))))

i am sad that you are feeling fearful and uncertain.. this sounds like a big scary step for you.. you are very brave to face it as you are, in an adult and reasonable way..

i will always wish for your pain to end.... please come here to share your thoughts and feelings if you can if you find it helpful...

while it is so hard for you to do this, i cant help but feel a certain hopefulness also... i hope the job provides you with both your needs and wants...

{{{{{{{{{Nowhere}}}}}}}}} Just got back. Thank you for the warm support and concern. At least I made it.....it is good to be home.



Mary Alice

((((((((((((Congratulations)))))))))))
Don’t be scared…..this is wonderful news. Just remember…..there was something great they saw when you were selected for this opportunity….always remember your greatness and you’ll be fine (and if you forget we’ll be here to remind you).

I found exercise helps me with sleep…..too bad I’m too lazy to work out! LOL

Love & Peace

(((((((((PlanningtoSurvive )))))))))))))))))
congrats good for you
you did good you over came some fear
muffy

{{{{{{Muffy}}}}}}}}

Thanks, but I felt nothing the whole time I was gone.......just emptiness, indifference. Hopefully this next week goes well.

Mary Alice

(((((((PlanningtoSurvive ))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am going to keep you in my thoughts
in your writting i can see you feel
muffy

(((((PTS)))))
I am so very excited to hear about your new job! While stressful, this is a great opportunity. I will keep you in my prayers.
Hugs-Angel

(((((((((((((( Mary Alice )))))))))))))))

((((((((Mary Alice)))))) I just saw this, sorry. I'm proud of you!

{{{{{{{{{{{{Candy, Fuzzy, Angel}}}}}}}}}}}} thanks for the support. Candy, you've had other things to deal with, I appreciate your response a lot.

I am for some reason, scared of going to work today. I would actually rather call and quit than go in, but logically I know that I can't do that. I did have another job offer while I was gone and was supposed to call the guy when I got back - but he was such a jerk to me at my second interview and on the phone.........not sure if I could work for someone like that without really getting stressed out. It would be closer to home and probably the same amount of pay.......not sure I should call.

I am so not good at making decisions. I tend to just ignore them till they disappear.

Mary Alice

(((((((((( Planning ))))))))))))

I quit my part time job in April, I start a new job August 29th. I'm happy,but feel scared,and then that nagging feeling of possibly "not good enough or just lacking".
I think it's quite normal to have some anxiety and/or unsure feelings. Give this job a try, that's how I feel when I enter a new job, and/or a new life struggle, if it doesn't work out I can at least add it to an experience.
Planning,give this new job a try, it may help you in some way. I wish you lots of luck with this, and encourage you to never give up on yourself in life and your abilities.
Sincerely,
Roe

{{{{{{{{{{Roe}}}}}}}}} I've missed you. I just feel so trapped when I go to work, almost like getting an anxiety attack. I called in sick today (only been there a week and look already) because I closed last night and was supposed to open this morning.

Not enough sleep and my meds were making me fall asleep at the wheel this morning.......so I turned around and came home and went to sleep.

I always feel "not good enough" and wait for the shoe to drop. There is just so much detail in this new job, I hope I can handle it.

Thanks for caring.



Mary Alice

P.S. Much good luck with your new job. I'll keep you in my prayers.

(((((((((( Planning )))))))))
I got a call asking if I can start sooner, the girl going back to college gave notice yesterday, sort of sticking the veterinary clinic in a jam.
I haven't called back yet, I'm feeling nervous, I had plans of taking care of all doc appts. before starting this new job, plus my mom is back in the hospital, she's been in and out since Mother's day, along with stays at convalescing home, long story.
Anyway, I'm balking on calling back at my new job, and saying I can start sooner, I don't know why I feel so scared, but I get like that.
I hope you are feeling better soon, try to remain calm, I feel for you, anxiety attacks can be scarey, my pdoc gave me pills to use when I'm near stress that will trigger an attack. I'm sending you good wishes and hugs to help get you through.
Take good care, and know we all care.
Sincerely,
Roe

{{{{{{{{{{{Roe}}}}}}}}} I'm really sorry about your mom. It must be terribly difficult for you.

I'm trying to stay grounded, but I officially take over "my" store next Wednesday and my stomach is in turmoil. And this morning I have to open by myself for the first time alone.........I'm really nervous.

Thanks for caring. You're a good person.

Mary Alice

Take care of you and yours, the job will wait. Call them back and tell them you have some personal business to take of before you start. Or if you want,you could just pick up some part time hours until your agreed upon start date. If not, tell them you can't. Take care of you!

Angel, it's nice to meet you. I wish my disability would be approved and I wouldn't have to worry about this stuff. It would be so much better for me.

I'm trying to do okay, but without having anyone IRL to talk to really (my T just got a better job and I have a new one I'm not comfortable with yet), it's kind of hard.

Thanks for caring.

Mary Alice