[TheDeliciousDish]

Okay, so I haven't posted anything here yet for myself, so I guess it's about time.

My girlfriend has been horrendously depressed. I love her to death, and want to do absolutely everything in my power to make her feel better. The problem is, she feels guilty for putting all the strain on me. I'm at a point where I just don't know what to do. She has suicidal thoughts, and when she gets down, she becomes a second person. I look into her eyes and can see her watching from the inside. She verified this for me herself. I've always been able to bring her back up, but it's taking more and more time every time she falls down. It gets to the point where she wants to leave the place so I don't have to deal with her, when that's clearly the most dangerous thing to do. I hate not letting her leave, because it makes me feel guilty (even though I know it's the right thing to do), and it makes her feel guilty for putting me in that situation to begin with.

I guess what I want to know is if anyone else has any experience with this, or if anyone can just give any words of wisdom for me.

Thanks ^_^"

~TheDeliciousDish

[pegasus]

You sound like a very caring person but this is not something that you should be dealing with on your own.

Your girlfriend needs professional help, maybe you could gently talk to her about this. She has to be ready to acknowledge this also.

Let us know hw you get on.

[Einna]

Maybe offer to go with her to her first appointment to the doctor or counselor? If she doesn't go, you should go any way - you will learn where you need to draw the line for your own sake. Depression doesn't just affect the person diagnosed with it, it affects those around them too and you'll need to know where and what your role is in all of this. You can't take the role as savior - no one can do that - this is something she will need to work through and something you'll need to work through as well as you discover how you can best help her.
Hugs,
Einna

[gimmeice]

I agree with what has already been suggested, this is not something that you should try to handle on your own.

[TheDeliciousDish]

Thank you all for everything so far. I forgot to mention a few things though...

She IS seeing a therapist at our university heath service. She's looking for a new one, but is rapidly losing patience (no openings for a month). She's got a meeting tomorrow to talk about medication. The problem is, I don't know if she can wait until the meetings are avaliable, and I don't know what to do sooner.

It's at a point where she hides inside an empty shell, and I have to fight to get her back out. I just spent the last 45 minutes trying to get her out. It's getting worse every time. This time she hid both in the bed and in the closet and would physically struggle with me each time I tried to do so much as hug her. It's bizarre, but *tickling* her brings her back. It makes her laugh, which in turn opens her up and makes her cry. Then she gets scared and tries to hide right back in her shell. I don't know what to do, because she's most dangerous to herself when she's in that shell. That's when she stops caring about everything, even me (who she usually cares about more than herself).

[Einna]

Hi,
If it's her safety you are concerned with - you need to take her to the emergency room - especially if she's got suicidal thoughts. I'm only speaking from the experience of taking someone under the age of 18 though - perhaps someone else here knows if what I'm suggesting still holds true for those over 18? The main thing here is for her to be safe. If she can't be safe and you feel like you need to keep an eye on her 24/7... then you need to take her to the hospital.
I realize campus health services may help somewhat, but when it comes to something like this, I just don't know... this is not something to mess around with. I'm not trying to scare you, please don't take it that way. There is only so much YOU can do. If it's her safety that has you the most concerned right now, she needs to be in a safe place (and that doesn't necessarily mean you being her safety net).
If she or you have a physician you could consult and ask for a recommendation for a psychologist or a psychiatrist - that may be another way to find one.
The two of you will need to decide if she needs safety first and if so - go.
Keep us apprised,
Einna

[TheDeliciousDish]

Einna: We're trying to find a psychologist/iatrist in the area. Unfortunately, the city we live in seems to be the depression capital of the world, and nobody here has openings for at least a month (and we squeezed that one in!). I *am* scared, because it seems like she's promised me enough and won't break her promise, but all it takes is once, so I just don't know what to do. We've got a meeting tomorrow with a campus nurse practicioner who apparently can prescribe depression medications, and her campus psychologist will be present (and she's got a meeting with her an hour or two later), so hopefully those will be good things.

[Einna]

Sounds like you're headed in the right direction. Time can be an ugly word and seem so drawn out. Hang in there, you're doing the right thing.
Hugs,
Einna

[Piano]

All of the things you are doing sound like the right thing, and it sounds like she's also accepted that she has a problem and wants to solve it too, which is really important. Here's some things from my experience which may help.

Just being there, even if you are not able to get her to talk or she doesn't want to touch you, just being there is helping.

When she is communicating, just let her talk and talk. Your not supposed to have all the answers. You are not her therapist. You can listen, even if it's just a way to talk herself to sleep it helps.

Try to remain calm. I know it's really hard to be calm when you are watching someone you love fall apart. But, if your voice is calm and you tell her you believe that she can get through this, she is less likely to feel like she is damaging you and this may be part of the reason she pushes you away.

Try to focus on the everyday things. Depression can feel very dramatic and out of control. Simple, everyday things can be very reassuring. A simple task like doing the washing or tidying the room can give a sense of achievement to someone who is depressed.

Finally, look after yourself. The last thing you need is to suffer from anxiety yourself, this will not help either of you. Even professional counsellors go to counsellors. There are phone lines and other forms of help, use them, not just for her, but for yourself too. This is a lot for anyone to deal with and it is not selfish to think about how this is effecting you. Has she also tried using some phone lines or other emergency help? It might bridge the gap while you are waiting for the therapist.

I'm thinking of you both, hang in there.