[alex88]

Hi, i'm Alex, i'm 16, and i've never used anything like this before. I've been suffering from depression, it seems to come and go, I don't know what triggers it. It seemed to start when I lost a friend, a very good friend. I had liked her more than a friend for about a year and when we finally got together it only lasted 3 weeks, that was in Feb 04'. Now we hardly speak. I'm over her and have had other relationships, but the depression seems to haunt me, theres nothing in particular that i think about when i'm depressed, I guess its an "empty" mood. My girlfriend at the moment sometimes thinks i'm moody because of her but its not her. When i'm with my best friend i'm rarely depressed, and when i'm with a group of really good friends i'm not depressed. I don't know what to do, anyone have any idea's?

[(JD)]

Welcome alex! Yeah, I saw you when you joined yesterday, but missed you in chat.

That is depression... lingers.... plus, at your age, your body is changing SO much SO fast, you're reeling! ''

Have you tried talking with your school counselor? That way you have someone who can assess whether your depression needs more than talk, but medication too... (not forever, just to rebalance your system.)

Make sure, in the interim of deciding what else to do (coming to psychcentral was a good decision) that you are engaged in some activity. Exercise is good for combating depression: shoot hoops or something. And find a hobby or join an organization or even volunteer for a local organization or hospital! Boredom feeds depression, don't let it add to yours, ok?

Come back and post often!

[alex88]

I play basketball every Wednesday at school, that keeps me occupied, and I've just been accepted at a local shop to work 12 hours a week. I don't really know who the school counselor is b'cos we just merged 2 schools and have moved around to different sites and new staff, I would rather see my Doctor, would that help?

[SpazKatt]

hi and welcome!

[(JD)]

Absolutely alex! MDs or Ts are really a good line of defense for depression! Be sure to tell them how "bad" you really feel, so they don't dismiss it as "normal" teen reactions only. It is normal to experience some of this, but seems to be lingering a bit long for you...

wow work too! this is good for you! (Money can always help feel better about oneself, self esteem building and all that, especially for guys.)

[adieuolivaw]

HI, ALEX! Welcome to the forums. Sounds like you are going through some emotional "unfinished business." I have a lot of that myself. When somebody puts me down, or when I have invested more in a relationship than the other person, or when somebody says something unkind to me and I just ignore it, the situation tends to hang around and haunt me. That's my "bruised ego" talking to me.

TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOU TOOK A LOSS: You probably need closure. By that I mean a way to close the door on the relationship and acknowledge that you were disappointed and gave more than you received. You don't need to see the person or have any contact with her. You can do this all by yourself. First you could acknowledge that it is a matter of hurt ego on your part --- because you sort of know that if the relationship had gone on for a very, very long time --- and you had ended it --- that you wouldn't be hurting. So you kind of feel that you took a loss. Well, you did. That happens to all of us at one time or another. And it's not strange at all that you'd have a little depression about it. Once you understand what's going on, though, you can restore the balance in your own mind. It doesn't mean you're less of a person because it didn't work out. Every relationship is a little unbalanced --- one having more feelings than the other. That's life.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO HAVE NO RESENTMENT, BECAUSE IT'S PART OF MATURITY TO ACCEPT LOSSES GRACEFULLY AND REALIZE THAT WE ALL FACE THEM SOONER OR LATER.

TO OBTAIN CLOSURE --- Some people like to play the couple's favorite song or go to a place that they especially enjoyed --- feeling good thoughts while remembering the good parts of the relationship. Then they express the disappointment and sadness they felt when the relationship ended. Then they say "goodbye" to the person (who is not there) and wish that person well, thanking her for the happiness they had for the time they were together.

ANOTHER WAY TO OBTAIN CLOSURE --- Some people write a letter to the person, expressing their disappointment and sadness about the relationship being over, but also recalling the happy times they had, and saying goodbye. THEN THEY BURN THE LETTER!


Whatever method feels right to you would probably be a good plan for helping you attain closure. There are things you need to feel and things you need to say. Be good to yourself and allow that to happen.

These are only my opinions. But I kind of like them. Again, welcome to the forums! Good to meet you. Keep talking to us, Alex. We're a rather nice, supportive group.

Adieu

[ickydog2006]

He Alex. It's nice to see another new member on that's my age. I'll be 17 Jan. 26th. I think talking with you're Doctor would be a good idea. It's good that you are comfortable enough to talk about things like that that with them. Like SkyBdark said make sure you tell your doctor that you don't think it is normal teen feelings. I'm glad my parents figured that out for me before I did something drastic.
I know how hard it is to make you're girlfriend understand it's not her fault. It took me weeks to convince my boyfriend he had nothing to do with my mood swings. He was just around me all the time so he was there for my ups and downs.
I hope you've found this site to be helpful. If you ever need to talk about teenage stuff my email is ickydog2006@yahoo.com. Sometimes I don't check it for a day or two. But if you start emailing me I'll try to check it more often.

[PlanningtoLive]

Hi Alex, and welcome.

I think talking to your doctor is the best idea. You have a lot going on right now in your life and at your age, with work and all.

I think it's commendable to have a job and be dealing with your feelings. You may have unresolved issues with your former gf.....if you do, you need to work through them so that you can indeed move forward.

Take care and post often.

[kimmydawn]

hi alex and welcome!

i'm sorry you're feeling so badly right now, but i'm glad you're actively recogizing it and working to resolve what's not working for you right now! amazing insight. good job!

depression usually has some sort of trigger. in this case, it's sounds like the breakup you went through and it's rearing it's read at you regularly since then. a body can keep busy and get away from it, but then the body gets tired of being so busy all the time...and it's still there that's when depression can get worse. i think it's so awesome that you recognize it for what it is and are so willing to do something about it.

i so agree with seeing your family dr. if it's agreeable to you, it seems like you feel comfortable enough to talk to him/her...that's great! i can't emphasize enough on what some others here have said...make sure dr is realizing that you're not just going through a down time...make sure he/she knows how long it's been going on, etc. even write down things you want to say (points of issue) so you don't forget anything. sometimes, especially when we get in front of the dr, they start talking, and what we wanted to say simply leaves our minds...write it down!

i have a 17 yr old daughter who went through a massive depression after the death of her grandmother. i became concerned when i realilzed that it wasn't associated with the grief anymore..that it had become full fledged depression. it took alot of time and understanding, but once she admitted it and let us know, so we could help, things got better for her. i hope the same for you.

acknowledging and accepting are half (or more sometimes) the battle. you're well on your way

be safe, and let us know what you decide and how you're doing, ok?

kd

[colors]

Hi Alex!

I am colors. Welcome!

[alex88]

Hello, thankyou.