[prettyjolie]

I have an aunt, my mom's sister, who is one of the most.. well, unique people I know. And I mean, she's really something else.

My grandma has 7 children, was a single, poor mother, and my grandpa died when all their children were under 12. So, they struggled a lot. I don't know much, but apparently, my grandma treated my aunt differently and always critized her as a child. I've been told that when my aunt was small, my grandma couldn't afford to support all of her children.. i think some spent some time with relatives, but my aunt and her brother went to live in an orphanage for a while.. maybe 6 months.. i don't know. I know my aunt must have suffered a lot because even now, she doesn't talk about it much.
I'm guessing my aunt went through a lot of tough things and didn't have a near perfect life.. she acts very strange now and does things that don't make sense to any of us.
She's very, very messy. She collects things.. her house is very cluttered and dirty.. she has trouble throwing useless objects away or giving them away. She has 3 different jobs during the week, which takes time away from doing anything productive for herself.

also... She was in an abusive (we believe) relationship.. he mistreated her and made her feel worthless, though she stuck around. One day, we found out that she was pregnant.. unmarried and pregnant, which often complicates things. Then, he threw her out of his house.. she showed up at my parents' house and lived there until my cousin was 3 or 4..
She moved out and got her own apartment since my mom and her have a lot of.. "differences."
So it's been difficult for her to afford everything, but she manages.

She's lives alone with my 6yr old cousin.. and she loves him but she's always seems too distracted to be a good mother to him. She doesn't mistreat him.. she actually lets him do what he wants.. ie, stay up late, eat whatever he wants, watch too much TV, too many videogames, and buys him wayyyyy too many toys and clothes.
Her house is always dirty.. always. Her room.. oh my God. Her room is a mess. There is stuff everywhere, in piles. she has piles of clothes, shoes, toys, everything you can think of.. And there's like a little pathway to walk from the bedroom door to her bed. She has bags of old clothes and things that she doesn't even remember exist all over her room. Her bed is NEVER made.. and she just has too many things.. She doesn't bathe as often as she should.. she's overweight and wears tight clothing that is 2 sizes too small.. she rarely cooks anything other than mac and cheese, tuna, quesadillas... easy things. Her kitchen cupboards are full of junk food...
She has a bf now.. and she used to clean up in order to not scare him away, but I've heard that has stopped now that he's used to her.. or the other way around.

Nobody knows what to do. She always seems very self concious and i'm sure has no self esteem. People treat her badly sometimes.. but i think it's because they know that she has no confidence in herself, even though she tries to hide that fact.

I'm worried about her.. but I'm even more worried about my little cousin. He is a very smart little boy. He gets good grades and is very mature for his age. He's a good child, with a lot of potential. But he also has a lot of fears, which I know is normal for a child, but it still worries me. His father is.. well, a worthless piece of.. nothing. He's not a good father and rarely wants to see him. i can tell my cousin doesn't enjoy going to see him much.
It's very sad situation for my cousin. He sees how "everyone" has a family.. a mom, a dad, brothers and sisters.. and they all live together. He always asks us why he doesn't have that. Why it's just him and his mom. And it doesn't help that my aunt is not very bright.. i love her to death, but her child is smarter than she is.. and i think he's already starting to realize that, at 7 years old.
I've moved away.. so i can't help much.. but I just feel like I need to do something.

It's obvious she has a lot of psychological issues.. and I understand that she loves my cousin and doesn't want to hurt him, but she is doing just that. She has no authority over him.. he listens more to me and my 16yr old brother than his own mother.

I don't want him to become traumautized by his situation.

And I see that something is wrong with him already. He is very secretive.. and lies a lot.. and has now started to sleep walk, which freaks my brother out when he babysits.

I don't know what to do.. Any suggestions or insights would be very helpful..

thank you and sorry for long post =D

[Piano]

Hello,

You say that " she actually lets him do what he wants.. ie, stay up late, eat whatever he wants, watch too much TV, too many videogames, and buys him wayyyyy too many toys and clothes......"

This can also be abusive to a child, intentionally or not. It sounds like this kid really needs to know that there are other people around for him, I would make sure to have regular contact with him and try to teach him that it's ok to talk to others about what's going on at home and who those others might be (teachers, you, trusted people, phone lines to child lines etc.). He most probably should be treated by a professional, fast. I imagine with the sleep walking and other signs of trauma many people would say social services need to be involved. He mom sounds like she needs a lot of professional help too, but I understand that you may not be in a position to do anything about it. I think just knowing there are other adults out there to talk to is important for him, and to feel that his family is not just his mom, it's also you and your family, and to have some stable relationships with you, your brother and your family. This could be a big help for him not just now but later in life too. But, and this is just my opinion, this child needs to get out of that situation. Have you talked to the rest of your family about how they see it?

[prettyjolie]

thank u for your response.

I wouldn't necessarily say that he's an abusive child.. he stops when anyone else but his mother tells him to. But as a child, he's going to have fun and play video games as long as possible. I know I did it when I was little, but the only difference was that my parents were always in charge. So they didn't need to tell me to do something over and over before I did it like with my cousin.

It's really hard seeing the damage being done and not being able to do anything about it.
I have talked to my mom (her sister) about it. Our other family members don't live nearby to have an effect on any of the decisions.
I told my mom that I would love to have him stay with me. I've been like his second mother, since I was twelve, when he was born. I'm only 19 but i know I could take care of him, since I did when I lived back at home. It would be a great sacrifice because i'm still young and it's really too early to take parental responsabilities, but I would do anything to make sure that he is raised right.

My mom says it's never good for a child to be taken away from his mother/father. (even though his father sees him rarely) He shouldn't be taken away from his mother.

I don't know what to think or do. He's coming to visit me this week, for thanksgiving.. and I know it's going to be very difficult to say good bye to him when it's time to leave.. and even harder for him.

[Miracle1986]

(((((jolie)))))