[adieuolivaw]

This has been bothering me for a while. Some time ago I read a post where a person said that the group would band together to shut out lurkers, ignoring them. So there is an in-group and an out-group?

I don't know the definition of a lurker. If a person is posting, what makes that person a lurker? Any thoughts?

Adieu

[SpazKatt]

I'm confused...by that how can you shut them out? Lurkers are just people who read but do not post.

[Wants2Fly]

SpazKatt -- that's also my understanding of a lurker. If the person isn't posting, how can one shut them out?

More importantly, why would want to? It takes a lot of us time to feel comfortable being here before we post.

[adieuolivaw]

SPAZ: I've heard lurkers defined sometimes as people who post mostly answers, rather than posting about themselves. To some, that sort of behavior has a negative connotation. I'd like to know exactly how open people should be, and why.

I can't find the particular post in question. Maybe the person who wrote it will remember. Then again, maybe not. LOL

I've been put on ignore before, so I know how it feels to read the series of posts and realize that your replies are invisible to the originator of the thread. It's embarrassing, especially when you know you have followed posting rules. I just can't understand shutting out the whole person just because of a single negative reaction to something that person said in one post. Although someone in these forums persistently sneaks in bashing a certain political entity, I don't put her on ignore, even though any mention of either politics or religion upsets me a lot. One of the biggest reasons I'm here is the rule to keep politics and religion out of the forums.

Adieu

[nothemama8]

I personally think if this happened a while ago it should be left in the past since bringing negative things up has only led to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
But those are just my thoughts
Angie

[h0kie]

Hmmm...maybe I am a lurker then. I do not have a mental illness (to my knowledge...lol) but my husband does. Right now...he's doing well. We're not in need of a lot of support. So I post answers to others. Plus, its hard for some to post things about themselves. I saw if you would like to post...post. I enjoy reading other people's views on the same subject.

I think I am with Angie. I had no idea this was a problem...now I am wondering if I'm part of the problem. Hmmm.

[nothemama8]

1dayatatime2 you can't be part of a problem if it is not made a problem, this is just what I mean, the subject was in the past, it should stay there
You are no lurker
Love
Angie

I think people share what they are ready, willing, and able to share. Some of us share a little, and some share a lot. Over time, I think most of us share more as we get more comfy. Sadly, some people will never, even with the anonymonity the web gives us, be able to share their histories, or their feelings. But, people do what they are able to, for their own reasons. I am sure of one thing....EVERYONE who comes here, learns something about other people, and probably about themselves!

emmy

[wisewoman]

Yeah Emily, you are right. I am unclear about what a lurker is. It doesn't matter to me. I think it's a cool place with cool people and audioviu, you are one of them.

[Wants2Fly]

I think there are several reasons why people may read the forums and not respond; or respond but not originate any posts.

1. Taking time to acquaint oneself with the Forums and feel ready to post.

2. Getting ready to reveal something personal about which one feels vulnerable.

3. Fearing that one doesn't express onself well in writing. Or how to express what one is feeling, because feelings and states of mental health are volatile, inner, and difficult to put into words.

4. Coming here for help, getting it, feeling better. Wanting to give back to the community.

5. In one 12-step program, helping others to overcome addictions is seen as the key to remaining healthy oneself.

6. Making friends, wanting to remain a member of the community, but not having any particular issue to post about. Some people are outgoing and post such topics in general or diversions -- but other people are more serious, or have less time, or simply don't think about it.

I'm sure there's lot more reasons that don't include being judgmental.

Adieu -- I didn't know this so please clarify -- If I "ignore" a member -- then that member can see that I am ignoring his/her posts?

[(JD)]

While the thread has discussed many good things, I wish to clarify the comment.

The "lurker" was a member drbiswas who never posted and came into chat only to "view" others or "watch" us as he/she stated... he/she was full of inaccuracies (he/she was in India where they have no computers)... (and he/she was watching us because he/she was interested in doing counseling and had no other connection to mental illness.)

When someone comes in like that, we have to protect each other. (thus the banding together comment.) There have been only a few ppl who come to "use" us and not support us.

DocJohn asked this "member", and others, to move on to another website.

[adieuolivaw]

SKY: Thank you very much for providing the context in which the comment was made --- and why it was made.

Adieu

[shakes]

I just wanted to say this,
I have been gone for a little while, but I have been reading posts that concern this topic. I feel as though I need to say something.
People who are members of this community do not try to "band" together to make others feel bad or to ignore them. UNLESS someone comes to this community and is behaving inappriopiately, which does not happen frequently.
Just because someone does not post about themselves, goes through quiet spells, or is a newbie does not make them a person that the other members of the community are against. We love new people...as long as they are caring and not trying to hurt others.
I usely do not speak on the behalf of others because I do not feel it is appriopiate, but I felt that it was important to do so in this place since I have been around for awhile.
Please everyone let's not turn against each other!! Especially for no reason.

Jessica

[Wants2Fly]

Thanks for you explanation, Sky, of the context in which this occurred. Being studied, being used, being lied to, no that is not acceptable.

It probably is the role of Dr. John and the admins to handle it more than us to "band together." IMHO

[ickydog2006]

I read posts and don't respond a lot. I'm sorry if I offend anyone by doing this. Sometimes I don't understand somone's problem. Other times I am starting to have a panic attack and go on looking for replies by others that may help me.

[nothemama8]

ickydog, I don't think this post was meant for you, it's just an old post that needs to be put to rest
Angie

[adieuolivaw]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Adieu -- I didn't know this so please clarify -- If I "ignore" a member -- then that member can see that I am ignoring his/her posts?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

When I had replied several times in a thread, and everyone else's reply but mine was acknowledged, I got the picture.
LOL

Adieu

[adieuolivaw]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I personally think if this happened a while ago it should be left in the past since bringing negative things up has only led to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. But those are just my thoughts.
Angie

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

NOTHEMAMA: Well, I see your point, and I can certainly respect your opinion.

These are all new ideas to me, however. Since they bothered me, I didn't want to stuff my feelings about them any longer. Didn't feel that was healthy. I'm glad I asked, because Sky and Wants2Fly have easily cleared up both questions.

Adieu

[adieuolivaw]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I read posts and don't respond a lot. I'm sorry if I offend anyone by doing this. Sometimes I don't understand somone's problem. Other times I am starting to have a panic attack and go on looking for replies by others that may help me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

ICKYDOG: Please read post #106152, by Wants2Fly. In it she tells why there are lots of perfectly good reasons why a person might not post much. Just stay the way you are, Ickydog. What you're doing is perfectly fine. And if you ever feel like posting more, that's fine also.

Adieu