[turquoisesea]

All the things I worry about don't go away.

My thoughts are fed with sad things that have happened.
I'm disheartened by having to take a medical leave of absence, possibly staying at home.

I'm sad that in 1.5 weeks, my boyfriend leaves for his home, taking his two lovely kitties with him, and either that day or one day later, I have to go home and be alone for a minimum of 3 weeks. Possibly much longer.

As the cats come up to me, I wonder if this is the last week. I know one of them specially will miss me.
I would like to see the one kitty who stays with my parents and sister at that house yes, but everything else.

I get upset from time to time thinking about my bf's ex (too much!), I get upset thinking about the semester I lost, and the future year that I've lost schoolwise. Sad that I've put so much on my bf's shoulders even though he insists he had to. I kept trying to stay away and let him do his stuff, but no . He's at the end of his rope. He loves me, he wants to do what he can but next semester I have to better. I want to be, but how can I be better if school - the one thing that kept me focused - is gone. How can I not be a distraction to him, as I sit here musing about what happened. How can I ever be my true self again?

Will people still love and care for the me who is coming out of the flames of depression? Will they still love the scorched, pained me? Can I give them what I want?

How can I stop my thoughts from torchering me.

I've made steps. I keep walking. I hope the path will hurt less as I continue, but what have I lost on the way

[turquoisesea]

oh yeah. And I'm stupid. Today I had 2 shots espresso drink YAY but x.x I had it w/in 10 minutes of my meds, it had milk. I've discovered I'm slightly lactose intolerant and that if I have that kinda thing in the morning right after the meds ... I have a feeling the meds go right through my system too.

STUPID STUPID STUPID

now I'm going to be negative pensive all day

[lmg103]

i don't really have much i can say right now....butt

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

All the things I worry about don't go away.

How can I ever be my true self again?

Will people still love and care for the me who is coming out of the flames of depression? Will they still love the scorched, pained me? Can I give them what I want?

How can I stop my thoughts from torchering me.

I've made steps. I keep walking. I hope the path will hurt less as I continue, but what have I lost on the way

I think by taking time off you are giving space for your true self to develop, to further unfold, even if it feels strange, unfamiliar, and maybe even chaotic right now. I believe--strongly--that people will still love you, maybe even more so if they see your pain. I wonder less about what you have lost and more about what you will have gained when you are a bit further down the path and can look back.

But then, I'm good at being hopeful for everyone but myself.

[RapunzelReconstruc.]

All I can say is that I relate.

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

All the things I worry about don't go away.

My thoughts are fed with sad things that have happened.
I'm disheartened by having to take a medical leave of absence, possibly staying at home.

I'm sad that in 1.5 weeks, my boyfriend leaves for his home, taking his two lovely kitties with him, and either that day or one day later, I have to go home and be alone for a minimum of 3 weeks. Possibly much longer.

As the cats come up to me, I wonder if this is the last week. I know one of them specially will miss me.
I would like to see the one kitty who stays with my parents and sister at that house yes, but everything else.

I get upset from time to time thinking about my bf's ex (too much!), I get upset thinking about the semester I lost, and the future year that I've lost schoolwise. Sad that I've put so much on my bf's shoulders even though he insists he had to. I kept trying to stay away and let him do his stuff, but no . He's at the end of his rope. He loves me, he wants to do what he can but next semester I have to better. I want to be, but how can I be better if school - the one thing that kept me focused - is gone. How can I not be a distraction to him, as I sit here musing about what happened. How can I ever be my true self again?

Will people still love and care for the me who is coming out of the flames of depression? Will they still love the scorched, pained me? Can I give them what I want?

How can I stop my thoughts from torchering me.

I've made steps. I keep walking. I hope the path will hurt less as I continue, but what have I lost on the way