[spaceid]

My depression is so bad tonight. I can't stop crying. I can't concentrate on midterms. I can't sleep. The worst part is I'm pretty sure its my fault. I should have known better. Why didn't I bring the thing I wanted to talk about up with him? I need to get this off my chest and I could have, but I didn't have the guts. Can I tell one of you guys on this board? If anyone reads this please let me know if you want to hear about what is making me so upset. I just want someone to care.

[Applesauce]

Yes people do care, I care and I will gladly hear you out.

[spaceid]

Thanks, Applesauce.

I'm a bit worried about where things are going with this guy I'm seeing. We've been hanging out together for 2 months now, but I'm not sure if we are dating or not. People think we are a couple, but I'm not sure. Anyways we do spend the night together sometimes. Though only about once a week because of our schedules. We are exclusive to each other, otherwise there is no way I would be sleeping with him. However, we haven't spent the night together in 2 weeks. That makes me nervous. I'm scared he is pulling away from me. Last night I mentioned that I would like to stay over his house tonight. He said maybe. I made a groaning noise. He asked me what was wrong and I said I didn't like the word 'maybe'. He said we would talk about tomorrow (meaning tonight). Today he sent me text messages during the day like he usually does. After classes I sent him a message and we were talking through text, but neither one of us brought up spending the night. I kept wanting to talk to him about it, but I didn't know what to say. I was sitting in my room crying my eyes out because I was so frustrated with myself and then he called me. We talked about some of the same things we had just been texting each other and even though my nose was stuffy from crying I tried to hide it and acted like everything was ok. I was hoping he would bring up staying the night at his house, but he didn't. And the fact that I didn't either just made me mad at myself.

I feel like I need to spend the night with him because I need to feel close to him. It's not even about sex. When I stay the night he holds me like he'll never let go and I love it. I need him to kiss me, but he only does it when I spend the night. He doesn't do it out in public. He never kisses me goodbye after we've just hung out all day together, so I feel I can only get this from him when I spend the night.

There so much more to this. I could write a book. I'm just scared that he doesn't want me over anymore, even though he'll say things like, "its too bad its a school night or else I would invite you over" or something like that. I don't know if I'm overreacting or he's making excuses. I have to keep reminding myself that we are both busy with it being the end of the semester and he works more hours than me. Plus both him and I have had colds recently, which we are still both getting over. I just hate not having him hold me for so long. I tend to think the worst and I'm very naive when it comes to men. So when you add those two things together I'm a mess, lol. Probably come tomorrow, every will be fine and I'll feel like an idiot.