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#1
Feb 25, 2009, 08:36 AM
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And don't know why!!!!!!!! And it's making me mad! My cousin Duane called all weekend and I wouldn't answer the phone, didn't feel like talking. I don't even feel like my contributions here are worth anything anymore (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KNOW IT HAS NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE HERE. I DO KNOW THAT MUCH). Driving down the road today I just started thinking how it would be nice if my van sides would just close up in a tight cocoon around me so no one could see in. I don't know why. I can function just fine, put on the happy face. But when I'm alone I start feeling like this. I'm having some mom issues again, but I actually dealt with it this time, stood up for myself in a respectful way. I do have a "meeting" at work tomorrow morning. I am the research administrator and I have 1 assistant that works under me conducting research. There is another lady here who does research for an other doctor, but she doesn't actually do it, she gives it to my assistant to do. I've asked, begged, yelled, coddled, sweettalked--you name it and I've done it to get some help getting her to stop. She is untouchable--literally. The doctor she "works" for says if she gets fired or laid off or even reprimanded, he closes his doors and walks out of this practice. She's been here for about 8 years, she was like a phyisician assistant in India but tells everyone she was a doctor. Every single person in this practice has complaints about her but nothing can be done. Last week I gave her something from her study and said that K---, my assistant, wouldn't be able to help her but if she needed help to contact the sponsor or me. Nope, she goes to K---, who comes to me. Anyway, so I don't babble, I sent her an email reiterating that she needs to come to me. I got a nasty one back so I complained to practice manager, because some her nastiness were boldfaced provable lies. So her, me, K--and manager have a meeting tomorrow to discuss this. I DON'T DO CONFRONTATIONS!! We've already been through that. Anyways, I don't think that's why I'm feeling like this. I don't know. Maybe I just needed to write it out. I'm fine. I promise.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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#2
Feb 25, 2009, 08:49 AM
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Hugs (((((((((( cantstopcrying ))))))))))
  You are going to go to the meeting tomorrow with your head held high and state your case assertively. Why should everything be dumped on you? That's not fair! Imagine all the others sitting in their knickers or something like that, you are important and have a right to say what you need to. Not treating it as a confrontation but stating everything clearly. Stick to your guns! And let me know how you get on. 
__________________
 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
 cantstopcrying
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#3
Feb 25, 2009, 08:51 AM
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your not fine or you wouldnt be writing, sometimes things get the better of us we cant always put a finger on things, and saying fine isnt always an excuse its sometimes feels safer to make everyone belive your fine when your not
im sorry this person at work doesnt respect your responsability ((((((((((((((cantstopcrying)))))))))))))))
__________________
 No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
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#4
Feb 25, 2009, 08:52 AM
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(((cantstop))))))))) you can stop crying... take your time, be gentle with you, breathe and think the most pleasant thoughts you are able to, when you are able to....
listen to Pegs, think it through clearly as you are able.. we are here for you
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| cantstopcrying
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#5
Feb 25, 2009, 09:09 AM
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(((((((((((((((((cantstopcrying)))))))))))))))))
we love you here....
__________________
As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
| cantstopcrying
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#6
Feb 25, 2009, 11:53 AM
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((((((((((((((((((((((cantstopcrying))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm glad you could rant that out, and i really hope it goes better in the office for you
__________________
 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| cantstopcrying
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#7
Feb 25, 2009, 02:06 PM
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Hello Can!!!
In tomorrow's meeting, if you presented to the group, AN OBJECTIVE: To achieve maximum results with accuracy and efficiency. Present each persons clearly and specifically defined job roles and, responsibilities (that which they get paid to do). All of this may be in the Company's Handbook you could make reference to page numbers. 1. a specific and precise job description for each person (Co. Handbk) 2. the specific skills & responsibilities (again list details) needed for each position 3. to whom they are to accountable to, report to. A very simple, pre-made Chart could strongly reinforce the boundaries & structure of each person's job requirements & their responsibilities (your assistant does your work, not the addition of anothers responsibilities! No) & to whom they are accountable to. No confrontations, no doctor walking out, no pacifying other research woman. Here it is black and white. YOUR OBJECTIVE: To achieve maximum results with accuracy & efficiency. Accomplished! Can can now Smile!!!  I do not know the proper Lingo but maybe this general outline CAN be of some help. Hope so! LOVE YOU!!! Holmes
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#8
Feb 25, 2009, 02:58 PM
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Holmes, you are truly wise beyond belief. I'm printing this out and going to put together the information right now. You are right. It does not need to be personal, it is business and this is the way, per handbook and job descriptions, that it should be. Thank you thank you thank you.
I'll let you all know tomorrow morning if i can really smile!
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#9
Feb 25, 2009, 03:54 PM
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(((((((((((AM))))))))))))
You can do it. I'm here for you.
__________________
 
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| cantstopcrying
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#10
Feb 25, 2009, 05:19 PM
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 (((((((((((((( Can )))))))))))))
__________________
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#11
Feb 25, 2009, 07:27 PM
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Glad you were able to "get it out" here. Really helps doesn't it. We say it over and over to ourselves but putting it down in black and white makes a difference.
This time was even better because mlpholmes was able to provide a great idea. 
__________________
 kebs
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| cantstopcrying
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#12
Feb 26, 2009, 09:16 AM
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Breathe in deeply....breathe out slowly and deeply. Over and over. That's what I'm telling myself. I have had some awesome support and ideas here and last night with another dear member. I woke up this morning feeling empowered and in control. It was very odd. Very odd indeed. This morning I typed up an agenda of sorts, listing who is attending, main topic, each persons job duties and discussion points. My heart is beating so hard it is hurting. I dressed up today, no scrubs. Make up and hair turned out. 10:00 is the meeting. I can do this. I do not--do NOT--have to hide. I do NOT have to acquiesce. I do NOT have to feel belittled or worthless for stating my needs to make this department run correctly, for expecting boundaries to be respected. You guys....I want to crawl under my desk and hide right now, but I can't--literally or figuritively. Stay with me and poke me to remind me I can do this. Thank you.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#13
Feb 26, 2009, 09:26 AM
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(((can))))) we are holding your hand and helping guide you, we care very deeply for you and we know this is a little bit frightening for you... i know you are a strong willed person who can, will, and does care about matters deeply and also that you you are an experienced individual with enough skills to do the right things...
breathe deeply, keep telling yourself how you CAN do it! ... i know it is breathtaking but breathe deep, steel your will, and plunge right into it.. overcome the fear in one grand moment and bust thru your fear! i know you can, i know you can i know you can.... think good thoughts always
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#14
Feb 26, 2009, 09:28 AM
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oh NWTR! Thank you so much for holding my hand and believing in me. I'm going to do it!
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#15
Feb 26, 2009, 09:32 AM
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you can you can you can you can
(((stop)))))))) sending all ive got to you!
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#16
Feb 26, 2009, 09:36 AM
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(((((canstopcrying)))))))))))))))))))))) dear one I can do this. I do not--do NOT--have to hide. I do NOT have to acquiesce. I do NOT have to feel belittled or worthless for stating my needs I can do this. I do not--do NOT--have to hide. I do NOT have to acquiesce. I do NOT have to feel belittled or worthless for stating my needs I can do this. I do not--do NOT--have to hide. I do NOT have to acquiesce. I do NOT have to feel belittled or worthless for stating my needs go with that in your heart and know it to be true you do not have to hide as you are worth so much you do NOT have to be belittled .......EVER You are not worthless ..........you are a kind and caring soul imo we will all be behind you  muffy |
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#17
Feb 26, 2009, 09:59 AM
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BTW you go girl .....(canstop))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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#18
Feb 26, 2009, 11:48 AM
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(((((((((((( cantstopcrying ))))))))))))))))))
Sending you lots of hugs let us know how it went.
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
| cantstopcrying
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#19
Feb 26, 2009, 12:47 PM
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Meeting is over. 1 1/2 hours, 5 lies on her part, horrible tone on her part, and it's over. And 5 minutes later she was doing the same stuff. It was a very crowded room, though, with all of you in there with me
. There was one part where she was complaining that a binder "showed up" and she had no idea what it even was. I was fuming (long story behind it) because she knew exactly what it was and how it got there. My instinct was to just let it go like I had the rest of the lies, but this really bothered me so I said, "Well, my thought on this is that to say you didn't know is a little disingenuous..." then I went on to explain why. Problem--she's from India and later found out she had no idea that I meant she was being untrue. But the message was given that she was lying. I feel so drained. I also feel like I should have just given in and not said anything. However, roles and bounderies were defined and reinforced by management, in writing, with initials. But I did it you guys. I did feel like I wanted to throw up afterwards and I went out for a drive, but I did it. We did it. I couldn't have done it alone. Thank you all. I feel like I have a hangover now! It's very odd.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#20
Feb 26, 2009, 12:50 PM
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Dear CAN,
Each Day is a Gift, hoping your's is unwrapping beautifully. Much Love , Holmes (let us know how your morning went!) |
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#21
Feb 26, 2009, 12:53 PM
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It's not unwrapping horribly I guess. I accomplished stated goals. See above, I think we posted at the same time
Much love you!
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut
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#22
Feb 26, 2009, 12:55 PM
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(((((((((( cantstopcrying )))))))))))))
Congrats on following through.
__________________
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
| cantstopcrying
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#23
Feb 26, 2009, 02:08 PM
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(((((((( cantstopcrying ))))))))
Proud of ya!
__________________
Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
| cantstopcrying
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#24
Feb 26, 2009, 05:10 PM
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(((((cantstopcrying))))
Wish I'd seen this earlier. I know what you mean about feeling hung over after the meeting. In this particular case, my hangover cure is usually a walk and/or chocolate. Proud of you! |
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#25
Feb 26, 2009, 10:20 PM
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Hello Can
I didn't see you post when mine came up lol. But YOU DID IT!!!! I'm SO PROUD OF YOU!!!! Love, Holmes |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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