[MICHELLE IN SOCAL]

Hello,

Maybe someone can relate. I'm at my wits end, so frustrated, want to trust the psychiatrists.

I have never been "clinically depressed."

Back in 1992, when I was married, I had two children, ages 2 and 4, plus my mom living with us due to poor health.

My then-husband came home 7 times over about a one-year period and informed me he had overdosed on pills.

We had been married 10 years. I wasn't too thrilled with the marriage at that point, but as someone who worked in healthcare for about 20 years at that point, of course, I called the paramedics or took him to the hospital.

I had no idea that one attempt would end in a total of 7.

Then, 8 months after I sent him packing, my mother came down with the flu and that was the "straw that broke the camels back." She died as I was picking her up in my arms to transfer her to her wheelchair.

About one month later, have no symptoms of crying or suicidal thinking, I got up one morning that thought the phrase (that I so often type in my medical transcription profession), "suicidal ideation."

I had been through a lot. I went to an MD who immediately put me on Prozac, no threat of hospitalizing me. From the time I first popped a Prozac until it started to "kick in," I never had any further symptoms of depression.

Well, trusting the MD, not sure what I was supposed to feel, I thought, well better go to a psychiatrist, since that's their speciality.

Long story short, after 13 long years of these, in which my life has not improved since the divorce, ended up living with the ex because at first I kept losing jobs....

I had my current MD slowly titrate me off the medications. Now, remember, I've been on them for 13 years.

My normal emotional and thinking that I had previously doesn't seem to return.

I went to the MD one month after she took me off the medication, for unknown reasons, I walked into her office, sat down, a began slightly weeping for no more than two minutes.

She's put me back on the medications.

I just don't understand why, after 13 years, I should need these medications, but also, why my emotions and thinking don't bounce back?

[leacon]

Often depression has a biochemical reason IE serotonin. I have been told that I will be on anti-depressants for the rest of my life due to this.

[madisgram]

hi michelle and welcome to pc. everyone has an opinion but after reading your well written history the first thought i had was what helped me. much of my depression came from the past...meaning i hadn't really put those things from the past to rest. i'm wondering if going into something like cognitive behavioral therapy-cbt-would help. i used a phd psychologist, some states don't require a phd, but i figured for my money i wanted to get to the root of the problems i had experienced for so many years and the therapist with a phd had those extra years of schooling. this by no means means that is a sure thing tho. meaning there are good therapists with less schooling, etc., and some phd's aren't always what they're cracked up to be.
i still have things that can "trigger" those old feelings i used to have and use the coping skills i learned in therapy to work through those false beliefs or feelings i had nurtured for so long. it sounds like you've had some prettty upsetting things go on in your life. you may think they have gone away, so to speak, but then something will set it off again.
have you ever tried any form of therapy? my psychol. told me that meds won't just fix it nor just therapy for some people. a combination is what works particularly if the psychiatrist and psychol. converse with each other re the mutual client/patient. it's possible too that you don't really require meds...therapy might work to resolve this. i'm not a pdoc or psyhcho.so i'll just leave these thoughts for you to consider as a means to possibly "fix' these reoccurances of sadness.
hope this helps and we're glad you're here. it's a warm caring community of people and some are in your profession. we come from all walks of life so i'm glad you reached out on the web and found us.
keep us posted on how you're doing, okay?