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#1
Apr 18, 2009, 07:30 PM
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Trigger warning again
What if you've done something bad. Something that you never thought you'd even THINK of. Something you are totally against. Something that screams against the very core of your being. I hate myself so much right now. I am doubting my right to the air I'm breathing. If I can hurt another living being, or want to cause physical harm to an animal, what right do I have to live. What right do I have to be safe. To not SI. That's what I feel right now. I don't know where to post this. I don't think I SHOULD post this. But there it is.
__________________
 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#2
Apr 18, 2009, 08:11 PM
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Even if you have done something wrong you do not deserve to be hurt through SI. If you have stopped SI do not begin again. As a teenager, I SI and stopped when I was 26. When a major problem occurred with my job, I began SI again and have not been able to control it again.
Last edited by leacon; Apr 18, 2009 at 08:57 PM. |
 turquoisesea
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#3
Apr 18, 2009, 08:51 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))))))))))))
You're clearly torn up about what you did, and that is proof of your right to life and safety. You know you did something wrong, and you feel bad about it -- good people aren't perfect, good people are the ones who are aware of and grieve when they make mistakes. Is there something you could do to try and make up for what you did? Something that might aleviate some of the guilt you're feeling right now? You are a good person -- there are no words for how your kindness and support have meant to me on my own rough days -- and you deserve to live, to breathe, to be happy and healthy. Please take care of yourself. You deserve that too.
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
| Capp, sunflower55, turquoisesea
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#4
Apr 18, 2009, 09:00 PM
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Ditto what Rebecca said. Could not find the words before.
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| turquoisesea
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#5
Apr 19, 2009, 02:38 PM
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You are always trying to be a better person, and this is admirable. Sometimes the negativity that is inside us can be truly overwhelming, and we end up doing something that we regret.
But we always learn something meaningful from these episodes and we do, gradually, become better people.
__________________
The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The End The Beginning 
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| turquoisesea
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#6
Apr 19, 2009, 03:01 PM
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(((((Turquoisesea)))))
I don't/won't hold anything against you!  Lots of people make mistakes, sometimes big ones, that we're not proud of. The fact that you are able to realize your mistake and able to feel empathy for the situation is good. Be patient with yourself and see if you can learn something from this situation. If you get the opportunity, do what you can to better the situation. If you can't better it, then do your best to grow from it and keep movin' on!!  We're here for you!! 
__________________
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| Capp, turquoisesea
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#7
Apr 19, 2009, 03:47 PM
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TS,
Don't hate yourself, please. You are a kind and caring person, and we love you. Take a deep breath, there's more than enough to go around, and that includes you. Don't beat yourself up for being human. All of us do things at one time or another that isn't our usual behavior. It does not mean we are worthless or bad... Peace and Power, Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
| turquoisesea
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#8
Apr 19, 2009, 04:17 PM
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"To err is human;
To forgive, divine." Alexander Pope. What he means here is that all people make mistakes. G*D forgives them, and people act in a G*D-like, (divine), way when they forgive. This includes forgiving yourself. Because, we are all human. And we all have a spark of the divine within.  Nothing you have done is beyond forgiveness. Peace! |
| Capp, Tumnus, turquoisesea
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#9
Apr 20, 2009, 07:58 AM
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Thank you everyone
I have a hard time forgiving this. especially when I can't fully stop it. I feel like a different person I don't know anymore. I really hate this change and want it to go back. Just so frustrated. It's good to here feed back from you
__________________
Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
| sunflower55
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#10
Apr 20, 2009, 09:06 PM
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That's why we're here, turquoise....
To give support to others, And to get it when we need it. We are only as sick as our secrets. When you can begin to talk it out, You'll find that you are not quite as bad As you believe yourself to be. You're just human. Just like the rest of us. Peace!
__________________
 IMAGINE |
| turquoisesea
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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