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  #1  
Old Apr 18, 2009, 07:30 PM
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turquoisesea turquoisesea is offline
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Trigger warning again

What if you've done something bad. Something that you never thought you'd even THINK of. Something you are totally against. Something that screams against the very core of your being.

I hate myself so much right now.

I am doubting my right to the air I'm breathing.

If I can hurt another living being, or want to cause physical harm to an animal, what right do I have to live. What right do I have to be safe. To not SI.

That's what I feel right now.

I don't know where to post this. I don't think I SHOULD post this. But there it is.
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Trigger, do be careful.

Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.


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  #2  
Old Apr 18, 2009, 08:11 PM
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leacon leacon is offline
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Even if you have done something wrong you do not deserve to be hurt through SI. If you have stopped SI do not begin again. As a teenager, I SI and stopped when I was 26. When a major problem occurred with my job, I began SI again and have not been able to control it again.

Last edited by leacon; Apr 18, 2009 at 08:57 PM.
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turquoisesea
  #3  
Old Apr 18, 2009, 08:51 PM
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justfloating justfloating is offline
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(((((((((((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))))))))))))

You're clearly torn up about what you did, and that is proof of your right to life and safety. You know you did something wrong, and you feel bad about it -- good people aren't perfect, good people are the ones who are aware of and grieve when they make mistakes. Is there something you could do to try and make up for what you did? Something that might aleviate some of the guilt you're feeling right now?

You are a good person -- there are no words for how your kindness and support have meant to me on my own rough days -- and you deserve to live, to breathe, to be happy and healthy. Please take care of yourself. You deserve that too.
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"If you're going through hell -- keep going."
- Winston Churchill


It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection.
- Elizabeth Gilbert

Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong,
we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on.
Bring on the wonder, bring on the song,
I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long.
- Susan Enan


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Capp, sunflower55, turquoisesea
  #4  
Old Apr 18, 2009, 09:00 PM
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leacon leacon is offline
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Ditto what Rebecca said. Could not find the words before.
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turquoisesea
  #5  
Old Apr 19, 2009, 02:38 PM
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trevorzero trevorzero is offline
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You are always trying to be a better person, and this is admirable. Sometimes the negativity that is inside us can be truly overwhelming, and we end up doing something that we regret.

But we always learn something meaningful from these episodes and we do, gradually, become better people.
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turquoisesea
  #6  
Old Apr 19, 2009, 03:01 PM
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Elysium Elysium is offline
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(((((Turquoisesea)))))

I don't/won't hold anything against you!

Lots of people make mistakes, sometimes big ones, that we're not proud of. The fact that you are able to realize your mistake and able to feel empathy for the situation is good. Be patient with yourself and see if you can learn something from this situation. If you get the opportunity, do what you can to better the situation. If you can't better it, then do your best to grow from it and keep movin' on!!

We're here for you!!
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Trigger, do be careful.
Thanks for this!
Capp, turquoisesea
  #7  
Old Apr 19, 2009, 03:47 PM
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Capp Capp is offline
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TS,
Don't hate yourself, please.
You are a kind and caring person, and we love you.

Take a deep breath, there's more than enough to go around, and that includes you.

Don't beat yourself up for being human. All of us do things at one time or another that isn't our usual behavior. It does not mean we are worthless or bad...

Peace and Power,
Cap
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The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve.
~~unknown~~

http://capp.psychcentral.net
Thanks for this!
turquoisesea
  #8  
Old Apr 19, 2009, 04:17 PM
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sunflower55 sunflower55 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2009
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 458
"To err is human;
To forgive, divine."
Alexander Pope.

What he means here is that all people make mistakes. G*D forgives them, and people act in a G*D-like, (divine), way when they forgive. This includes forgiving yourself. Because, we are all human. And we all have a spark of the divine within.

Nothing you have done is beyond forgiveness.

Peace!
Thanks for this!
Capp, Tumnus, turquoisesea
  #9  
Old Apr 20, 2009, 07:58 AM
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turquoisesea turquoisesea is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2007
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Thank you everyone
I have a hard time forgiving this. especially when I can't fully stop it.

I feel like a different person I don't know anymore. I really hate this change and want it to go back. Just so frustrated. It's good to here feed back from you
__________________
Trigger, do be careful.

Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

Thanks for this!
sunflower55
  #10  
Old Apr 20, 2009, 09:06 PM
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sunflower55 sunflower55 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2009
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 458
That's why we're here, turquoise....
To give support to others,
And to get it when we need it.

We are only as sick as our secrets.
When you can begin to talk it out,
You'll find that you are not quite as bad
As you believe yourself to be.
You're just human.
Just like the rest of us.

Peace!
__________________

IMAGINE
Thanks for this!
turquoisesea
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