[shezbut]

I have been struggling with Q for a couple of years now ~ as I've seen that my blind spot (from brain surgery) can be tricky. Last week, on Saturday, I began to Q my processing skills when a snowplow backed into me, as I waited for the plow to finish the apartment lot. The insurance company has deemed the plow's driver to be 75% responsible for backing into me; and myself as 25% responsible. I should have honked, yelled, or tried to back up.

I didn't do any of those things ~ as those thoughts didn't come into my mind until he was a few seconds away from me. And that's when I thought, "Oh shezbut, he doesn't see you!". I put it in reverse, and then he slammed into my side mirror and driver's window. I did look the other way, thankfully, as the tiny pieces of glass blew everywhere.

The driver was a complete jerk to me ~ saying that it was all my fault. I should have known that he couldn't see me, etc. At least I'm getting 75% to me, but I live on SSI. Very thin income, there is no money left over from bills.

Now that I've explained my recent drama, perhaps you can give me your ideas. My bf tells me everytime I drive that I need to watch my right side more (as that's my blind spot), so I avoid driving a lot. However, I have split custody of my 2 girls, who primarily live their dad 30 miles away. If I stop driving, I have no idea how I can still play a decent part of their lives. They're a positive part of my life ~ what keeps me from committing suicide when I'm tempted to end it. The situation feels overwhelming to me....like I'm running in circles in panic. I hate it

Please help with a different perspective, to help me see better. Thank you!

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by shezbut

I have been struggling with Q for a couple of years now ~ as I've seen that my blind spot (from brain surgery) can be tricky. Last week, on Saturday, I began to Q my processing skills when a snowplow backed into me, as I waited for the plow to finish the apartment lot. The insurance company has deemed the plow's driver to be 75% responsible for backing into me; and myself as 25% responsible. I should have honked, yelled, or tried to back up.

I didn't do any of those things ~ as those thoughts didn't come into my mind until he was a few seconds away from me. And that's when I thought, "Oh shezbut, he doesn't see you!". I put it in reverse, and then he slammed into my side mirror and driver's window. I did look the other way, thankfully, as the tiny pieces of glass blew everywhere.

The driver was a complete jerk to me ~ saying that it was all my fault. I should have known that he couldn't see me, etc. At least I'm getting 75% to me, but I live on SSI. Very thin income, there is no money left over from bills.

Now that I've explained my recent drama, perhaps you can give me your ideas. My bf tells me everytime I drive that I need to watch my right side more (as that's my blind spot), so I avoid driving a lot. However, I have split custody of my 2 girls, who primarily live their dad 30 miles away. If I stop driving, I have no idea how I can still play a decent part of their lives. They're a positive part of my life ~ what keeps me from committing suicide when I'm tempted to end it. The situation feels overwhelming to me....like I'm running in circles in panic. I hate it

Please help with a different perspective, to help me see better. Thank you!

Hi, Shezbut! Quite a pickle, and I'm sorry to hear about it. I really don't comprehend how the snowplow driver could try to blame it on you. When someone's backing up (in any kind of vehicle) they're responsible for the safety of people and vehicles behind them. It's true though that a whole lot of people involved in accidents are so upset and bothered that they burst out and blame everything on the other person, as the snowplow driver did to you.

So if I were you I wouldn't take his outburst that seriously. Based on your description, I don't see how this incident has anything to do with your blind spot. It may have something to do with your reaction time, but not your blind spot. Was this guy just backing into you? That's the way it sounds. And yes, people may have an obligation to try and avoid an accident even if it's really someone else's fault, but I don't think you should take it personally.

These kinds of fender benders happen (literally) a million times a year just in our country, forget the rest of the world. I really don't see any reason why this should impact on your relations with your children. Your car will be fixed. No one will take your driver's license way. In the future you'll be much more vigilant (we all are after that kind of incident) and it will never happen again. I do know how worrisome such an accident can be, but do try to calm down as much as you can, it's really a very everyday occurrence. Take care!

[Leed]

Hi Shezbut ~ I definitely agree with the other poster. I don't see where this accident was your fault at ALL. But i do understand your concern.

I wouldn't let it upset me to the point of giving up my license! You NEED your children and they need YOU. It's imperative that you see them and stay in their lives. Just make sure that you are more conscious of the right side while you're driving ~ you may have to turn your head more when you drive, but it might be worth it. And just use extra caution when the kids are in the car.

But don't go overboard with it ~ if you get TOO cautious about it, you may end up CAUSING an accident by turning too much to the right. So just use reasonable caution ~ and you should be okay. Best of luck and God bless. Hugs to you and your children. Lee

[disguise123]

poor love, it was not your fault!
You are obviously legally allowed to drive despite the blind spot. If you have concerns talk it over with a opthalmic specialist and maybe a driving instructor.
And maybe you need to talk your depression over with a professional too.
Im glad you have your children, hang in there, and remember we are always here too!

[Perna]

Maybe you can take a driver's refresh course or something if you don't feel comfortable? I had a girlfriend with multiple eyesight/perception problems with driving but she literally worked at it and trained herself to work with how she knew herself to be; can you work with practicing looking more toward your blind side?

I would not base whether I should drive or not on one bad/freak accident; the plow driver does sound like a jerk; you're not responsible for what he can/cannot see! The person following a person who slams on their brakes and plows into them (sorry for the pun) gets the ticket for a good reason; the person is allowed to put their brakes on, they're not responsible for how close the car behind them is following and whether that car is keeping itself safe. If the plow driver couldn't see, he had no business backing up at all!

I would use your bf's observations of your driving to your advantage, instead of taking his comments "personally" and learn to practice looking out more for problems where you have trouble, see if you can't improve your driving skills all around? My husband use to get angry with me 3-4 cars ago because I would let go of my seat belt and it would retract but hit the window on it's way "up". That made him unhappy and he wanted me to "guide" the retraction with my hand so the metal buckle didn't bang against the glass window. I worked hard, on my own and without saying anything to teach myself to do that and am still quite proud of myself that I succeeded He never mentioned it but I use my success and what I did as an example for myself and him when there are similar "learning" problems like that?

[shezbut]

I have just a few minutes to talk, before the computer kicks me off today.

Just wanted to thank each of you: Ygrec23, Leed, rapidcylca, and Perna. I do appreciate you sharing your support and opinions on what occurred.

Ygrec23, yes, the plow did just back into me. I was at a complete stop for several minutes. My processing time was the trickster for me. According to the insurance company, I am partly responsible for the damage since I did not react in time. That's where my self-kicking comes in.

Leed, thanks for bringing in the proper amount of "reasoning" to help me look at things!

Rapidcycla, thanks for your kind support and understanding.

Perna, thanks for the idea of taking a refresher course of driving to gather more self-confidence and safety. That's a good idea! Thanks also for your kindness. I appreciate it!