[boncliffkennels]

I am newly disabled and trying to cope with everything that is going on. I feel so lost now that I can't work. I was fired because I was off work to long so now I have no money/insurance for medical care. Everywhere I look there is no help. My "Friends" have forgotten I am even alive and my only life line, my wife, has kicked me while I'm down. She Post on Facebook for all to see that since she is the only one working our finances are ruined and she is so stressed over it. It is not my idea to be off work, I can't walk let alone work anymore. It's not my fault, I want to work but there is nothing I can do about it. I feel so hopeless and alone. The support I thought I had wasn't really there in the first place.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

That must have been really painful for you to see that right there on facebook; on the web. I wish your wife had found another way to vent without putting it where people could see it, like on Facebook.

And welcome to PC.

I hope you find some support here.

And losing what you do; your job, can be like losing, part of, if not all of, your identity. And then, of course, not having any support or health care.

no, you are not dead.

You are heard.

It was not your fault. I believe you. It was not your idea. We dont' ask to be disabled!

Carol

[Travelinglady]

I'm sorry to hear about your disability. That was a low blow for your wife to post about it the way she did on facebook.

I, too, am on disability. My husband can't complain because he's on it, too. That's something neither of us figured on when we married almost 25 years ago!

[Leed]

Hi and welcome! I'm so sorry. I hear this kind of thing all the time.

I'm disabled too and have been since about 1986. It wasn't from an accident or anything -- my spine began to deteriorate, and it's just gone downhill from there. It gets worse all the time. I've had 3 spinal surgeries, and countless procedures done along with more injections than I can count. Nothing has worked.

So, I'm just on pain medication

Like you, every last friend I ever had "flew the coop." lol I guess they don't want to be bothered with someone who walks funny. Yes, I can still walk, but kind of crooked. LOL Plus my husband died too, so I'm all alone EXCEPT my son moved back home -- oh goody, children again. LOL

But seriously, I know how lonely it can be. When my husband died, I wanted to die too. i didn't see any point in living anymore without him. It was a 2nd marriage, and he died 12 days before our FIRST anniversary.

My friend, I hope you know that WE are here for you 24 hours a day. There is always someone here. Sometimes we can't sleep, so we come here. So just log on, and look for one of us. i'll bet someone will be here. Or you could private message one of us too.

Again, welcome and I hope we hear more from you. Please take good care of yourself, okay? Hope to talk to you again. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[breath-of-fire]

That wasn't fair of your wife to do that; she should know that you cannot help it. It is not like ANYONE chooses to be disabled, it just happens. And I am sure there is something you probably could do, but just have to figure your way out and on maybe some new routines. Life gives blocks and challenges, but you have to be positive which I know can feel impossible.

<3G

[yellowted]

I have been through the losing my job, being robbed of the ability to walk and work and the support system i thought i had simply disappearing when i needed them the most, it is extremely difficult to accept, but woke me up to the view that the world is full of very superficial people who pretend to be friends whilst there is something in it for themselves but who drop you like a tonn of bricks as soon as you need something from them! I also went through seing my partner fade and pass away and all that comes with it from the care givers/sole bread winners side too.
being newly disabled comes with a torrant of emotions, it takes time to work through them, anger, grief, frustration over everything, worthlessness, what now, are all normal in these circumstances.
your wife is also going through a torrant of emotions, her world has been turned upside down too, she has to adjust to not only you not working and the stresses of now being the sole bread winner, but also the stresses involved in seing and supporting a loved one go through such an orderal as you are. just as you come here to vent, your wife needs somewhere to vent too. ok facebook was not the brightest of places to go but she probably was not thinking too straight and just needed somewhere, anywhere to vent. trust me she will most probably be six times as stressed as she lets show, caregivers are usually great at hiding their stress and worry for fear of upsetting the person needing care. (my partner felt guilty that he was relying on me for everything, i was stressed over the lack of money, exhausted from lack of sleep, robbed of my social life as every spare moment was dedicated to his needs, lonely/frustrated that friends never called to see how i was or if they could help in any way, stressed that my partner was not receiving the best treatment, scared i was not giving him the care he needed to the best standard etc, but i never let on to my partner any of this because i did not want to compact his ideas that he was a burden, and so increase his feelings of guilt!) eventually she will get to breaking point unless you nip it now and talk to eachother about everything!
seems like you need to let her know how upset it made you feel, and have a good heart to heart about what has happened to you and tell eachother how you both really feel about the money situation, your disability, her working so hard, etc, reassure her that she doesn't have to worry so much about you, together work out how things can be improved, it could be as simple as you phoning your gas supplier, letting them know you are now disabled. most have a reduced tarrif for vulnerable people, as do electricity suppliers, or that instead of her coming home and cooking the meal, one night a week you will prepare the meal...ok it is difficult in a wheelchair, but not impossible if your hands still work a bit i know as i too am in a wheelchair and I have to cook mysel as i live alone! even if it is salad and cooked meat from the deli your wife will really appreciate not having to cook/prepare it! little things but big help!
councelling may help you both grieve the life you have both lost and help you build a new life together. good luck x

[avlady]

That was a nice post above!!

[boncliffkennels]

Thank you all for your kind words and the support that you have shown. I don't mean to sound like a big baby I guess I just needed to get things off my chest and this was the only why I knew of without getting into a fight at home.

[yellowted]

Originally Posted by boncliffkennels

Thank you all for your kind words and the support that you have shown. I don't mean to sound like a big baby I guess I just needed to get things off my chest and this was the only why I knew of without getting into a fight at home.

that's ok, your feelings are all over the place at the moment, which is totally understandable. although it doesn't feel like it at the moment it you will eventually get back to a place where you can rationalise and see the whole picture again, your take care x

[porcelainchild]

I am really sorry, i am disabled and can't work, so i get what you are feeling..

We are here to support you whilst you go through this tough time..

Claire..

[Moodswing]

Why can't you work?

[jini2001]

I feel for you. We're all in this together. I've felt frustrated at time s also. It's a lot of stress.

[Douglas MacNeill]

Originally Posted by boncliffkennels

I am newly disabled and trying to cope with everything that is going on. I feel so lost now that I can't work. I was fired because I was off work to long so now I have no money/insurance for medical care. Everywhere I look there is no help. My "Friends" have forgotten I am even alive and my only life line, my wife, has kicked me while I'm down. She Post on Facebook for all to see that since she is the only one working our finances are ruined and she is so stressed over it. It is not my idea to be off work, I can't walk let alone work anymore. It's not my fault, I want to work but there is nothing I can do about it. I feel so hopeless and alone. The support I thought I had wasn't really there in the first place.

Follow this link for a more forceful way of venting what you feel about your so-called friends and family:

Video courtesy of YouTube and user nightlife619; all rights remain reserved.

And as for your wife: Divorce that little bwitch (both ***** and witch at the same time) before she [insert bad word here] you over a second time!

I'm not trying to get on anyone's bad side here, and I know it's inevitable so I'll just spit it out. If you cannot work outside due to a physical malady or because the inability to work with people for whatever reason, there's a lot of opportunities to work from home these days. There are jobs on the computer than range from computer and IT to keeping up business's Facebook pages. I'm not saying that everyone on disability can work and I know some people don't have a choice and if that is you, I understand. It's just with the advent of technology and the computer, there's a lot of opportunities that didn't exist just 10-15 years ago and I don't think they are fully utilized.

If you're interested in at least looking: http://forums.psychcentral.com/work-...based-job.html.

I probably won't return to this thread because I'm easily affect by others and when my ideas are put down I'm easily hurt....but I wanted to throw this out there. I hope people can look at my ideas with an open mind and not attack me. If there's any way you can work, even part time at home, do so. I've been on disability, I know what it's like to lose that sense of fullfullment working can bring....

P.S. I'm willing to help anyone or give suggestions to anyone who would like them.....