[Grey Matter]

I am currently in the throws of seeing how my chronic illness is disabling me. And for many reasons, as most of you will know, it's been frustrating to witness in myself, and it's almost like I'm... grieving?

Disabled people are not worth lesser to abled-bodied people. And I don't see it that way, certainly. I think just watching my abled friends doing all these amazing things (traveling to other countries, getting incredible jobs, going to grad school) while I am stuck focusing on medications, mobility aids, and endless pain. I used to work out, go into NYC monthly and walk around, worked 2 full time jobs... now it's silence.

I refuse to allow my mind to see me as a lesser bring because things have changed. And I feel like that is a good thing, especially when accepting these major changes. I think I am just struggling to accept that these changes are changing me permanently. This isn't like a sprain that's going to go away, this is forever. I can of course improve with PT, OT, etc, and I may! I just need some advice on how to take this in... stride? How I can say "this is still me and this is okay" instead of berating myself for getting ill.

[Gus1234U]

what i eventually realized (and it wasn't as soon as i hope you realize), is that i learned things that other "normal" people will never know about myself and the way things work. i was as ignorant as anyone when i became disabled, and i thought i knew a lot~! but the struggle to become the kind of person i want to be, despite all the losses and pain, the frustrations and disappointments, the endless baby steps~ gives one an inner strength and power that rarely is found any other way.

now i can honestly say that becoming impaired was a great gift to my spirit. it just took a while for me to understand and appreciate what i had gained, rather than to focus on what i had lost.

there is a thread in Grieving you might find helpful... grieving the loss of the old life is definitely necessary for most of us. but then there is another world of triumph awaiting~!

best wishes~
Gus

[Auntie2014]

I think that the turning point for me came when I started to look for what I can still do & find creative ways to adapt to my situation. Once my focus changed to "how can I" from " I can't" I was able to gain back my hope.

[shezbut]

For me, it has taken some time and repetitively seeing that no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't come close to what I then considered to be "the norm" in society. I had to lower my standards a bit. Not that I was a "snob", but I felt too embarrassed to seek out assistance. Thinking things like, "I'm not that bad. I don't need help. I certainly don't deserve help!"

Getting a county social worker, who came with an RN to do a "check-up" of sorts on me, helped me a lot. They suggested help in several little areas that I never really considered, and that's when I started to see things differently. Yes, I do need some help with a couple of things...but I now have the right frame of mind and ability to help people in a different way. {Instead of still insisting upon a professional career.} In fact, I take a lot of pride in the job that I can do for a few hours/3 days per week. I still have to try hard to get it done, but I do. And people there actually seem to like me!

[Gus1234U]

way to go, Shez~! that's how i started, a little bit at a time, using what i had, doing what i could~ there is much to be said for being humble, the world looks different from over here

thanks so much for putting it into words~!
Gus