[geis]

I just need to vent for a while.

I'm so sick of being sick all the time. Two years ago, I was healthy. I was doing intensive martial arts training three days a week, and I was running/walking an average of 3-5 miles a day.

Now, I can't even stand up long enough to wash my dishes. I collapse on the street, even when I use my cane. I've lost half my hair because of the meds I have to take. I've ended up in the ER four times in the last year because either the meds make me sick or the meds lower my immunity so that people make me sick. My diet's extremely restrictive, and my ability to do pretty much anything but sit/lie in bed is very limited.

And nobody knows quite what's going on. I mean, the ulcerative colitis diagnosis is definitive, but that doesn't explain the fatigue and weakness. (Although in true House MD style, my gastroenterologist did rule out lupus.) It could be the meds. It could be a particular genetic polymorphism that was diagnosed several years ago, but if it's that, I'm SOL because insurance refuses to cover the medication to treat it despite ample medical documentation and numerous appeals. It could be something neurological--I was born with a neurovascular defect that was found an operated on when I was a teenager, but there's some chance it could've caused lasting problems.

So now I'm getting sent to a neurologist because apparently I don't already have enough specialists in my life. I have more doctors than friends. I know I should be looking at this as an opportunity to possibly get some answers, but I'm just so exhausted. Part of me doesn't want to go, doesn't want any answers, because I don't think I can deal with another diagnosis. All the tests, the fear, the pain...just to be told that something else is wrong with me, and there's a good chance it'll be something else incurable. The stress is just more than I know how to handle anymore.

[healingme4me]

((((geis))))

Being in Limbo, is stressful. With a neurologist, hopefully, they'll find out what's causing the other ailments.

Just want to offer, moral support.