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Old 07-10-2020, 07:43 PM   #1
Buffy72
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Help Unacceptance of Health Care



My boyfriend (80yr. Old Male), has Type II Diabetes and Chronic Pain from degenerating disk in his lumbar spine.

I refuses to accept help when he needs to go to an Emergency Room.

Can anyone tell me HOW I can convince him to receive hlep when he needs it?

Are there some "tricks" to use to make it easier for him to accept help?
I'm sure there are a LOT of other people that have this same problem, when caring for a family member or even if "you" are a caregiver.

Is 'giving up a normal aging process? I feel that he is sometimes giving up on life. This is especially happening as part of the COVID because he cannot get out and socialize as he normally would.

Many thanks for your thoughts/suggestions and ideas.
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Old 07-10-2020, 08:40 PM   #2
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Default Re: Unacceptance of Health Care

Hi, Buffy72, it sounds like the typical male ego problem that has been a challenge for wives & girlfriends since forever! He's a man! He doesn't need help from anybody. He can handle it! I hope you can think of something clever, a way to coax him into making you happy just this one time. You know what I mean?
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Old 07-12-2020, 10:03 AM   #3
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Default Re: Unacceptance of Health Care

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffy72 View Post

My boyfriend (80yr. Old Male), has Type II Diabetes and Chronic Pain from degenerating disk in his lumbar spine.

I refuses to accept help when he needs to go to an Emergency Room.

Can anyone tell me HOW I can convince him to receive hlep when he needs it?

Are there some "tricks" to use to make it easier for him to accept help?
I'm sure there are a LOT of other people that have this same problem, when caring for a family member or even if "you" are a caregiver.

Is 'giving up a normal aging process? I feel that he is sometimes giving up on life. This is especially happening as part of the COVID because he cannot get out and socialize as he normally would.

Many thanks for your thoughts/suggestions and ideas.


I think you should just try to be as supportive as you can

tell him that you will be their with him at the hospital, allow him to take some things that make him feel at home, explain to him that if he does this, he will feel better and stronger and you 2 can spend more positive time together (tghat is not in the hospital), and re: giving up on life, is their something you bioth enjoy that you can plan with him?. something you can both look forward to after you get out of the hospital.
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Old 07-14-2020, 05:49 PM   #4
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Default Re: Unacceptance of Health Care

In today's social distancing and with everything "shut down", it's hard to do anything. We (both), have been home bound since January.
He's "very" clingy and wants to do (or go), every where with me. I need my time alone but I don't wan to leave him alone in case he
has a problem, like falling.

He's a tough, old marine!
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Old 07-17-2020, 05:00 AM   #5
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Default Re: Unacceptance of Health Care

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffy72 View Post
In today's social distancing and with everything "shut down", it's hard to do anything. We (both), have been home bound since January.
He's "very" clingy and wants to do (or go), every where with me. I need my time alone but I don't wan to leave him alone in case he
has a problem, like falling.

He's a tough, old marine!


I hope he'll be okay.

feel free to reach out when you need to talk!
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Old 07-17-2020, 07:07 AM   #6
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Default Re: Unacceptance of Health Care

Hey @Buffy72 didnt you start a thread about wondering if you should be responsible for this man? if I am correct then all I can say is arrange home care or family for him and get the hell out. It is not your responsibility or job to be tied down taking care of an 80 year old man. What makes him your bf? Are you two in love? Or is it a long term habit built upon a relationship that was close friends? I think you will regret the amount of time you have spent caring for this man when all is said and done.
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Old 10-28-2020, 08:14 PM   #7
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Default Re: Unacceptance of Health Care

I have been living with this man for 17 years. Yes, I do love him. We don't marry because it will lessen my Social Security because I receive Ailmony from my Ex-husband of 21 years.
I feel "stuck", of wanting to leave the relationship, but I know that I will feel guilty if I "do" leave after being with him for so long. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. He "is" a burden to me. I have M.S. and during my "flare-ups", I just force myself to help him with his problems.

I 'will" regret wasting my life. I'm 66 and he's 80 and I have so much more living to do! I'm a 'very' active 66 yr old!

Thanks for your comments. I "hear" ya.

Buffy
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Old 11-01-2020, 10:02 AM   #8
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Default Re: Unacceptance of Health Care

You have a right to your own health and sanity. But I understand the stuck part and the guilt. So here is the deal: You get to make some of the calls when it comes to his health. Guys who are egg-headed when it comes to taking care of themselves need a strong hand. My father was 18yrs older than my mom. Yes, he lied about his age. Still, she put up with him for the sake of true love. Go figure. LOL.

He also had diabetes Type 2 and other health issues. But my mother put her foot down. She told him she would get a divorce if he refused to follow her instructions when it came to keeping him alive. It was his choice.


Sure, he checked himself out of CCU once after his carotid artery surgery because he told the nurses they kept making too much noise and he could not sleep. He needed his sleep so his body would heal and his blood pressure would stabilize. They told him (and his loud mouth) to go ahead and leave. So he did. The old rooster!~

But my mom remained firm with him. She made sure he took his meds (even though he would try to hide them or not swallow them). She made sure he kept his aptmts at the VA. And she kept him fed. He was thin and had anorexia so we had to convince him to eat in the last 10 yrs. But she would do all this under the threat of her walking out and finding another man. That was his biggest fear. Us kids knew she would never do that. And he did too. But that was her Ace and she knew how to play it when she had to do so.

He passed this year in August. He was 92.
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